Monday, September 8, 2008

Three Years Old

Wow, my baby girl is three years old already! For those of you who don't know, Olivia's 3rd birthday was Saturday 9/6. I really reflected on what a crazy three years it's been. Depending on the day- the time has either flown by too quick, or I think "it's only 3 years?!". :) LOL! I was so excited to have a baby when I found out I was pregnant. I planned meticulously, I bought baby things every pay day, I had everything totally ready 4 months before she came- I was READY. I had a wonderful pregnancy, super easy, everything exactly by the book. I went into the labor the evening of Labor Day in 2005 (nice huh?) at around 9 p.m. My water broke at 11:30 p.m at home. And the funny thing there- I was laying on the couch, and I wouldn't let Matt fall asleep because I thought FOR SURE I'd get there too late for an epidural. So we're exhausted, trying to stay up. Well I thought I had to pee, so as soon as I hoisted myself off the couch- SPLASH. Matt thought I peed on the floor. THEN, as I waddle and drip to the bathroom, I ask Matt to get me a pad or something. He brings me a LIGHT DAYS pad. Seriously- can you believe that? LOL. :) I was at the hospital by midnight- had my epidural by 3 a.m. I fell asleep because I was as numb and comfortable as I would be had I not be in labor. I woke up at 8:30, complaining that I again had to pee. Matt and my mom (my two coaches) left for coffee and food. The nurse came in, and when she lifted my gown she says, "Oh my god- don't push, don't do anything"- so I freak out thinking WTF?!?! So they start wheeling carts and all the do-da's of a delivery room, and here comes my mom. She's like, "I'm not ready yet!" and I laughed because as we all know, it's not really up to anyone! So finally, Matt gets there and at 8:45 a.m. I start pushing. Olivia was born at 8:58, yes, 13 minutes of pushing. Actually- it was like 5 pushes, if that. Because she was so fast, I literally tore from front to back- so that was really awful. I became a demo project for nurses, because every staff change had a new batch of nurses who wanted to see my tear and stitches because it's not common that someone tears like that I guess. But I'd take that over hours of pushing any day! :)

More importantly- the thing I remember most about Olivia's birth and the first year is how disconnected I was. Nobody really talks about post partum depression because it makes you feel like a bad mom and quite honestly- you wonder what people will think. I had it bad, and I didn't realize it until Olivia was almost one, unfortunately. I really don't remember her first 6 months- it's pretty much a blur for me. I remember being home with her during the first 3 months, crying when I was alone with her because I felt awful that I didn't feel happy and overjoyed about my baby girl, the one I wanted so badly. I remember taking her for walks (which is why I love fall so much- we saw the fall colors everyday- and now I think of her when the weather is cooler and I see fall colors). Things got worse when Olivia began having a preference of Matt over me, and then I always thought that was confirmation I was a bad mom. Fortunately, when she turned one, I gained more confidence as a parent and now I feel really good, like I know what I'm doing and can handle it alone. Now that I have Jackson, I'm sad that I missed out on so much with Olivia, but on the other hand- I still feel the same way with him. Thankfully, I have been on medicine that has really helped me calm down and just enjoy it all with him. I know he's my last baby and I want to treasure it all this time around.

Here's a retrospect of some of my favorite memories of these first three years:

This is the day before I gave birth. If you squint and look REALLY hard, you can see the hospital in the background!

Olivia is two days old here- I looked and felt exhausted.

Olivia's first Christmas, three months old

First solids (other than cereal)- six months old. These were either peas or green beans. She hated them then, and still won't eat them. :)

Her first mini vacation, she was 9 months old and she has the remains of her first lick of ice cream on her lips. :)
This is always referred to as "the Spaghetti Incident"- forever engrained in my head!

And here she is: 3 years old. (More pics of the party to come later)

1 comment:

Theresa Marie said...

Happy birthday Olivia!! :)