My Plight With The Bra or The Twins That Escape

If you are a man you aren't full able to appreciate the issues bras present. Sure you may struggle with getting them off or unclasping the hooks (especially if it's a new one) but you can't appreciate the amount of work that goes into purchasing a bra. And those of you who have little to nothing hanging off your chest like dead weight you may not get it either. But for those of us with a C cup and beyond I think we can all agree that trying on and purchasing bras is almost as bad as trying to purchase pants. That fit. Well. And look cute. I mean, I think we've all had a shitfit in a changing room. Right?

No? Well I have.

And I thought that I would post pictures of me, in bras (with a shirt on, obvs- this isn't Playboy yall) to show you the massive difference between bras. There are some bras that are great, nice cups, the wire doesn't cut off circulation or slice under your arms, the straps stay on, the girls stay in. But then, there are even more out there that are awful. Your boobs spill out, your arms are red, raw and maybe bleeding, straps sliding down, OR the girls are so strapped in that you feel like you could bungee jump and have them go nowhere. Neither of these options is good. Or comfortable. In fact they make me angry.

There is nothing sexy, cute, or attractive about a chick hiking up her bra every 10 minutes.

But because every picture I took was either NC17 or shittastic, I decided to go with this:

So this is me, in my jammies with my girls roaming free. No bra. So you can see here what I'm working with and how obviously CRITICAL it is to get a decent bra. (And for you freaks that didn't believe me before, this is me sans makeup. Again.) (and? Has anyone noticed that most of my pics are taken in my bathroom??)

I used to be a 36C before babies. I was that way from ages 15-23. At age 23 I had Olivia. I didn't breastfeed but I will tell you the pain that is known as milk drying up? Excrutiating. When I say they were literally hard as rocks I am not exaggerating. But they grew to a 36D and have not gone down. I was REALLY scared when I had Jackson because I went to DD and I thought oh hell no. THAT is not going to happen. Thankfully I deflated. A little. But here I am. 36D and can't find a bra to save my life.

I have to buy bras at expensive stores. And I'm sorry but paying $50+ for a piece of fabric that holds the girls seems insane. And now in my size? Everything is either sheer or lace. Which is fine except for it's freezing here. Do you know what a sheer bra does for warmth? Do you know what the after effects of frozen boobs under a thin shirt? Not good. I am not going to resort to pasties because if we're being honest? I would rather have someone see a nipple than a stupid heart on my boobs. Women wearing those? YOU LOOK STUPID AND WE CAN TELL. And we laugh at you when you walk away. At least I do.

But if you find a really great bra, holds you in and is comfortable? At a 36D your girls will look like cones. And we know how natural that looks.

*sigh* So boys. The next time you are with a girl and you are going there, please appreciate the bra. Say, "nice bra- looks great". Because there is work that goes into it. And if she has the matching panties? Bonus. Love her long time you lucky dog.