Monday, April 5, 2010

If you're fat- you should walk the extra few feet.

So in my quest to lose weight I joined Curves. OK so being real with you, I joined like last year for the third time but only went 6 times over the course of that year. Don't judge- I was all lazy.

Actually I still am I'm just trying harder to hide that.

But where my Curves center is located puts it in a really crappy parking area. It's on a busy streeet near my work so that's nice, but it shares a lot (and by "lot" I mean 6 parking spaces) with a busy computer store. It's also next to a video store and a Hardees. So in reality, it maybe isn't the best location for people trying to lose weight since you are surrounded by fast food and candy/popcorn/soda and excuses to be a fat ass on your couch.

I am now going to Curves 3 times a week and have decided that I really don't fit in here. I actually don't fit in a lot of places I frequent because I'm either the shy/quiet person or I'm really opinionated/talkative. So at Curves since I don't know anybody I'm doing my thing. I'm working my ass off on the circuit and just trying to get my 30 minutes in and get home preferrably sweaty and sore.

I was actually molested at Curves last week by an older woman who looked to be in her seventies or so. Nice lady talking to me about child rearing (yes- those were her actual words) and how eventually your "tits sag". She is telling me about her sagging tits as I jog in place and then reaches over, grabs my right boob, squeezes it, jiggles it a little bit and tells everyone "See? She's lucky. Her tits are nice and firm for having two babies." Die. I could have died.

I have been grabbed and fondled several times before. It's either my ass or my boobs. I'm almost totally immune to it but it's times like this when you least expect it that make you feel the most violated. But having a 70 something woman tell me I have nice breasts is kind of nice. Thanks old lady who has a higher energy level than me.

But today when I went to Curves I parked in the Hardees parking lot as I usually do because I figure walking across the street isn't going to kill me. In fact maybe losing the 3 calories from that walk will get me fired up for working out! That actually never happens but dammit- it might someday. When I get into Curves and scan my card I hear these 3 really obese women complain about having to park in the spaces at the end of the lot. Which is very close to the door anyways. They literally took (at most) 20 strides and they were in the building. Really, ladies? So I just said, "Oh- I always park in the lot next door. It's always empty and the few extra feet won't kill me." To which the least fat of the 3 says, "Well this is fucking America and I should be able to park next to the door."

Um? Really? I wasn't aware there was preferred parking for Americans in America. Weird. What do those signs look like? Do I need a special sticker for my window?

Then I thought- oh. Maybe she's disabled. So when I left I checked but she had nothing in her window or on her license plate. Nope. Just fat and lazy.

But when we're in there, I'm working my ass off. I'm trying to increase my reps, I'm working until I feel like I'm going to puke, I'm doing the steps they tell you to. What are these 3 doing? BARELY moving on anything. Not even on the "jog/walk in place" squares. Seriously? Why are you wasting $37/month if you don't plan on doing anything? Do you think that just being in the building will shed the weight? Because I can assure you that doesn't work. As a member for the third year and going under 20 times total in said three years that's not what happens.

Seriously- it's people like that that drive me nuts. If you are fat, then just be fat. If you are happy about that and don't really care- fine. Do you. But don't come to a place where people are actively trying to lose weight and get healthy and then bitch the entire time you're there about having to walk 20 steps to the door. Then just hog up the stations, be slow getting to the next one, etc. OH! And you can't wear street shoes in here. So stop wearing your fucking street shoes and getting everything caked in dirt/mud. It's disgusting. Read the fucking signs losers.

Weight loss is hard. And making me crabby.


LaurenJean said...

I found you on 20sb!

I also am working on the weight loss, and I hate gyms, I also hate walking due to past injuries it aggravates. So yesterday I finally fufilled my quest to find an exercise bike at Goodwill($20!) that moves your hands and has a fan. I have used one of these before and I really just need to shed pounds gained due to medication side effects, I'm fairly strong on my own, and I don't care if I'm squishy, I just want a smaller pant size. Good Luck, maybe working out at home would be easier and more cost effective?

Sara said...

EEK! We have a curves in our village, but I drive to the next town to go to the Y. I don't fit in at the gym, so I like to swim.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

You know what I wish? I wish I could go somewhere to rollerblade on a flat surface. I can't rollerblade on the street because I had a BAD fall once and it scares me. But obviously I don't want to go to a rollerrink because A) It's 30 minutes away B) There are too many little kids trying to kill me and C) That could get expensive. But when I used to blade I lost LOTS of weight!

I don't know where I'm going with this. But yeah.

Oh and boob grabbage? Ugh. I did a shot in Mexico and the woman grabbed my chest. It was awkward. Especially in front of my PARENTS.

Amber said...

I've always been jealous because I've never been able to afford a gym membership, so thanks for making it seem like I'm not missing out on much!

Julie H said...

Kudos for going and putting up with that crap! I need to so something besides buy bigger clothes.

Jenn said...

I used to belong to Curves. I went 3x a week for almost 10 months and lost so much weight. Then the employee I really liked left because her school work was piling up. The girl who took her shift was so snobby and didn't make me feel comfortable at all, so I quit. And gained the weight back. I find the people in the gym/Curves really make it or break my attendance.

Sam said...

I had a membership to the Y and it was always little old ladies and they would come around to the weight machines and warn me not to hurt myself lifting too much and telling me how much they can lift and so on.

Another David said...

I'm always so annoyed when people show up to the gym and don't make an effort! Working out is hard, guys. If it's not hard, then you're not working out.

Chicken said...

You're too funny girly! At least you'll be the hottest bitch in there who actually uses the gym. And word of warning DO NOT GO IN THE LOCKER ROOM! For some reason only the ugly old fat people walk around naked in there with tits to their belly buttons and Vajayjay's to their knee caps.

FinnyKnits said...

Dude. Seriously. It's that kind of attitude that pushed me out of the gym and onto the streets to run after manyMANY years of being a gym rat.

And, come on folks, if my 85 year old grandmother - who has a handicap license plate but is (in her words) "perfectly capable of walking - will park more than 20 steps from a shop, SO CAN YOU.

Meanwhile, she goes to Curves 3x/week and is the better for it. As is my mom and a handful of friends and so on.

Also, stop letting people grab your boobs. Your town scares me.

Actuary Mom said...

very funny post!

Green Stone said...

As an AMURICAN it is your god-given right to be a tub-beast. This whole working-out and being in shape thing you're doing is UNPATRIOTIC and COMMUNISTIC.