Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Opposites Attract. Apparently.

So this week we've taken the tour of my house and my crazy and you're probably wondering- "oh my GOD, Sara!!! How can you have ANY more to show us?"

Yes. I have the garage to show you. Now, I don't go out into the garage for a few reasons. Number one being that I *get* that it is the "man space" and lots of manly things happen out there that I'm sure I don't understand and frankly, I probably don't want to know about. I get all of that. I also have a bigger reason for not going out there. I get claustrophobic, panicky, and will start having an anxiety attack. I feel like I've walked into an episode of Hoarders. You know I just want to bring in buckets with "Save" "Donate" "Trash" on them and get all Niecy Nash on my husband.

So this is his "computer area" (and I'm making this up as I go. I have no idea what he calls these parts but I see computer shit- so that's what we're calling it). Now, THANKFULLY it's not in the house anymore. But every once in awhile he drags stuff in and I keep my mouth shut until a second bin and more shit comes in. No way.
OK- now this corner IS partially my fault. This is the only corner I'm allowed in. It has a box for every holiday (except Christmas has like 5) and it's yard sale stuff. So that's against the wall. But everything from the computer monitors to the left is his. My stuff is stacked, labeled, and put away in an orderly fashion. AND...most of it will be gone this summer. YAY! Funny story though. See that 2x4 in the middle? THAT is what's holding the garage up. I'm not kidding. The guy who lived here before cut through a major support beam in order to put in a faulty garage door. He did all of that instead of buying the little expansion rod to make the door go down a little lower. Idiot. Suffice it to say, every winter we hope the bitch goes down so we can build a new one.
So when you walk into the garage from the utility door and look to your right...this is what you see. You see that white cube with a brown top? That's my freezer. Yeah- it should be in the house but it's not yet. Do you even know how many casseroles I could make in freeze??
This is further down the wall. Look! A sink we'll never use because it's ugly as hell and has small bowls and I want bigger bowls. The sink is laying on about $80 of flooring he never returned and I highly doubt Home Depot will take it back 3 years later. The stroller we use. It's a double so it's huge and just a pain in the ass to fold up. A screen door that is a piece a shit we got for free that we aren't going to use. Oh and on the floor...siding for the house. Which is probably good to have in case of a freak storm or something.
This is Olivia working the can crusher. If you tell her we need to crush cans, she is ON IT. She begs Matt to crush cans when they go outside. But you can hardly see her amongst the shit.
See? Look at all of that shit!

So now do you see why I'm so tidy and organized?? Because I can't live like this. God help me if I die and my kids are left with only Matt. They would be hoarders.

Matt also has an affinity for collecting cardboard boxes. Which drives me nuts. If we buy something he feels compelled to keep the box FOREVER. I will not lie and say that I let this go by. No. Eventually, when he's at work, I throw them in other people's recycle bin and claim stupid when he asks where they are. I mean come on. We no longer own the TV but hot damn! We have the box!

At any given time Matt has enough stuff to put multiple computers together. Which is great and he usually sells them for cheap and yay! You'd think that would be great because it's extra money and stuff leaving. But no. It just means that someone will give him their defunct computer and he tinkers. I can't tell you how many computer cases are in the garage. Or boxes of cords. If you EVER need a cord, do not buy one. Let me know we probably have it in every variety and color.

He actually wasn't always like this. It's like the more space I give him, the more shit he hangs on to. When he lived on his own, it was one Rubbermaid box of cords/wires/etc. Now...I can't even tell you how many. In our apartment we had a small one stall garage that we had to share. It wasn't bad and I'd help clean it about once a month. I bought all new storage things (of course) for his tools, and tool do-da's, and weird computer things, etc. He has all of those, full, but keeps accumulating.

And every spring when I go out there for the first time I always ask, "So...are we getting rid of some of this shit this year?"

And every spring I get the same response, "I threw out a bunch last week!" But the garbage cans aren't full and have no evidence of anything being tossed. *sigh* He wants a new garage so bad, and I agree- we need a new one. This one is on the verge of death. But I hesitate because even though he says he'd keep a new one clean I doubt it. I really don't think he can do it. But fortunately for me, we're in no position to build a new garage.

In the meantime, cross your fingers that the laundry sink gets fixed AND the freezer can be welcomed into the family.


Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Wow Sara. I am so sorry.

That looks like Dustin's grandma's basement. Seriously. I HATED when we lived there because the washer and drier were in the basement and it just grossed me out to be down there.

I feel your pain.

Sara said...

EEK! That is a stuffed garage.

TheBigShowAtUD said...

you're a better person than i am. i can't handle messes like that. i know some messy people, but at least i get to leave before too long. ;)

SurferWife said...

You have no idea how fast my heart is racing looking at all of that stuff.

I'm with you. Panic attack fo sho.

Unknown said...

God golly miss Molly...I would have an all out panic attack. I'm a neat freak like you or OCD....The inside of your house looks awesome!!!

Chicken said...

Holy moth balls Batman, that just gave me sweaty palms. I say you just burn it all. You live in east jesus nowhere right? You can set at least 60% of that stuff a blaze before the fire trucks arrive.

Another David said...

Haha, looks a lot like my apartment. Except instead of computer parts, I've got bike parts.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that looks just like my husbands garage!! Needless to say, where I am neat and tidy, Joshua is most definitely lacking. I give him "areas" in the house for his stuff (papers, receipts, tools, keys, blah blah blah) and if it is not closely monitored, it get out of control and before I know it he has commandeered the whole freaking counter for his shit!!

Joshua is absolutely a hoarder. He hoards tools, wood anything he thinks he will need later, but then COMPLAINS incessantly that the garage is disgusting. "Why is it that YOU have the nice area and I am stuck with the SHIT area" he says. Um, because you make it the shit area dude!! FUCK!

Blue Disastrous said...

Gahh. The garage here at my grandma's is just like that. Except, with absolutely USELESS junk and garbage and boxes and bags from my grandma's shopping trips. The same goes for the attic. Especially the attic! The most of it is over my room. Every time the house creaks I brace myself for the attic collapsing on me!

Maybe, if you get a new garage, tape off a moderate section and say, "Here is your section. It looks small, but you'll fill it." Or something. Nyan.