Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Adventures at Burger King

Even though I'm on this diet kick and killing myself on the fuckmill and being molested at Curves- I can't lie. I have a fast food addiction that would put any meth addict to shame. I am 99% sure that my loyalty to Wendy's (by far my favorite fast food spot) is what is keeping the lone Duluth location open. We had one in Superior but sadly, my best wasn't good enough and they closed. But I visit the one in Duluth (8 miles one way) as often as I can. But honestly? While I do make it up there for lunch frequently, I just can't do it every day.

Closer to where I work we have lots of choices but the closest two are Hardee's and Burger King. I had a bad experience at Hardee's where I ordered a shake and I swear on your life that shake mix was bad. Like it tasted like sour milk. I pretty much threw up in my car at 3am after work. Bitches.

So that leaves me with Burger King which is pretty crappy. Like they used to be good but then when I noticed that their "Original Chicken Sandwich" looks really nothing like chicken but it sometimes has fat and veins in it- it kind of turned me off. But I need lunch and sometimes just say "fuck the schedule" and don't pack one before bed.

Don't judge me.

Last night I had the intentions of doing this but our fucking power kept going off. As in, half of Superior was out. I took a shower and shaved by candle light which is dangerous, yo. Don't try this at home. I texted my friend Toulee until I got tired and basically realized I would have been a failure pre-lightbulb and regular electricity. So no lunch packing and no clean work clothes today. Joy.

So for lunch I decided to go to Burger King. Now, before I get into my rant please know I speak with authority here. I worked at Dairy Queen and Culvers for a combined total of 5 years. I have run a drive thru during a rush hour (lunch and dinner) by myself, which any of you who have done it know that is no joke, and I did it with a smile. I was disgustingly cheerful and happy with every customer. Frankly- my customer service skills are awesome. I was meant to be in customer service. I also have dealt with almost every nightmare possible in a drive thru situation.

First off- if you don't have working windows? Don't go through drive thru. You are just an asshole and you will be mocked when you drive away. And people behind you will likely take pictures.

And when the car ahead of you pulls up, you need to pull up. What are you waiting for? Drive thru is meant to be fast and speedy. Not a 50/50 chance that the piece of shit car with foul exhaust ahead of you will break down forcing you to park your vehicle and go inside which is what they were trying to avoid by going through the fast and speedy drive thru. This particular car kept shutting off and the guy had to keep restarting it. I was half expecting him at any moment to ask me to nudge him around the corner.
Finally I get to the window when bitch is trying to charge me $12.74 for a meal that should only be $6.85. So I have to argue with her on what I ordered to which she kept telling me I'm wrong. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I don't have dementia or Alzheimer's and I order the same thing every time I come to Burger King, there is never any deviation. #9 with no mayo, large fry, large coke, a shitload of ketchup.

So she decides ta-da I'm right and charges my check card accordingly. Then I ask for ketchup because I'm watching her bag my food and she doesn't put any in. She tells me she did, I check my bag, and nope- no ketchup. Just give me some ketchup, bitch and a lot of it.
This? Is not a lot of ketchup. This is all she was willing to give me. Apparently, there is some shortage of ketchup or something that I haven't heard about. Which is really lame because everyone knows I consider ketchup a fruit/veggie and when you order a large fry you need more than this. This? Is basically a tablespoon of ketchup and that's if you are using a steamroller to get it all out of the packet.
I should also note that if you drive a loud vehicle (assholes with big trucks and/or diesel engines- I'm talking to you) DO NOT GO THROUGH A DRIVE THRU no matter how badass you think you are. Number one- you aren't a bad ass. You are probably suffering from little man syndrome and that makes you look like a bigger asshole. Number two- the people inside? Can't hear your order and will probably fuck it up. And again, they will make fun of you when you drive away.

I'm just not sure why people working in a fast food environment think their job is hard. I've been there, I've done that, and I rocked it out. I think anyone who says working a drive thru is challenging when you have one person taking the order, one person collecting, and one person bagging the food is an idiot. And probably would do better pretending to be a homeless person. I'm not knocking homeless people because I am highly sympathetic to that since I grew up in almost homeless conditions when I was younger. BUT...I'm talking about the "homeless" people with healthy dogs, brand new Carhartt jackets, with cigarettes and Doritos standing with a new looking cardboard sign underneath the "Now Hiring" sign of a local store. (Yes- I've really seen this AND pointed it to the homeless guy who gave me the finger. Asshole.) And honestly? I have heard if you live in a big city you can make easily $200 a day doing this. Which is better than minimum wage so clearly they are smarter than I.
Anyways. I just wanted my sandwich and I encountered idiots the entire way. I won't even talk about the guy who cut me off to get into the parking lot first. It's like really? Do you think there's going to be a shortage of fried fat?? Huh fat ass?? *sigh* I maybe need to avoid people for awhile.


Danielle said...

Oh my god this is priceless! I worked at Dunkin Donuts for 4 years and the people that come through the drive thru with a non-working window ... yeah we definitely made fun of them. How fucking embarrassing get your ass out of the car and walk inside to save your pride. The little short men (usually italians) with the big deasel engines ... either turn it OFF when you're trying to order or once again walk your ass INSIDE! The people that don't move forward?! PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION BECAUSE YOUR HOLDING UP THE LINE AND YOUR MAKING THE PERSON WORKING INSIDE LOOK LIKE AN ASS!

For the people working behind the counter? I'm with you Sara! Been there, done that, with a smile on my face and no it's not brain surgery so suck it the fuck up! UGH! Thank you for this post, funny how drive thrus across America are all the freakin same!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

You and Dustin will get along swimmingly. I'm pretty sure he'd DRINK ketchup if he could.

And you have totally just given me a Wendy's craving. For some reason I forget about Wendy's even though I adore their burgers. And now I want one bad.

Ann said...

Hell, yes! I worked the BK drive-thru full-time for 2 summers. I could write a whole series of blog posts about the dumbass customers...like the bitches with 5 kids in the car: "What do you want...orange or Sprite? Orange or Sprite?..." Seriously, pick one and move on!

Don't even get me started about the loud truck guys...douche bags.

I totally share your ketchup fetish, too. I MUST have shitloads...both for my fries and to add extra to my burger.

Keep on preaching it, sister.

Dr Brainspiller said...

I've stalled in the drive-thru queue many a time. It's so embarrassing! I do drive the widest car ever made though and the McDonald's drive-thru in Preston appears to have been designed for bicycles. Still, shameful.

Isabelle said...

No Wendy's where I am - and I miss it!

WORST thing that ever happened to me at the drive-thru line... The freak in front of me WROTE A CHECK!!!! In the drive-thru line!!!

Sara said...

I'm embarrassed to go thru the drive-thru in my guy friends loud trucks. They turn them off to order. WTHeck!

Second, I am ashamed to admit my brother worked the drive-thru and pranked people all the time. I laughed hysterically at his stories, but can imagine the people were more than pissed at his antics.

Snoozie said...

You are awesome ~ just saying ....

Kelly said...

good stuff, i'm totally loving your stuff, i found it by chance and you are awesomeness...you can read mine at http://firstwivesclubmember.blogspot.com/ xo, Kelly

Morgan said...

Oh my... That is MY BK! I worked there for 4 years and rocked it - from the girl that cleans the bathrooms, to shift manager in under a year. It saddens me that that girl was such a dumb ass. I would have kicked her out of DT in a snap! BTW - for the lunch rush - did the same girl that took your order collect and handout? Cause that's not the way it is done! Idiots!

And the ketchup packet thing? Well, during my super awesome manager training over at the Radisson in Duluth, they had a whole half hour dedicated to ketchup packets.

"Each packet costs a penny and when you add up all that get thrown away that is money in the trash!"

It is apparently the number one source of waste in fast food because of cashiers/baggers that just grab a handful and shove it in. While someone like you would love this, BK assumes that most people use 1-3 and throw the rest away (my mother saves them and kept them in an empty butter tub in the fridge).

Anywho, they have a formula of 1 for a small, 2 for medium, 3 for large, and 4 for king-size and then if they customer asks for extra or a lot, they are given 1 or 2 more.

So be sure to be specific. As stupid as it is, you have to explain that you literally will consume a handful.

FinnyKnits said...

Firstly - hallelujah on all the fucking drive-thru hijinks. People are all retarded, amen.

Secondly - YES TO WENDY'S. Bubba hates Wendy's and their "communist" square burgers but I love it there and go whenever he's out of town.

Speaking of which, he's out of town...

Sam said...

BK here will give you fistfuls of ketchup, but if you want like ranch or buffalo, nope, 28 cents a piece please.
I hope we come out of this condiment shortage soon!!

Julie H said...

people are idots!!

Anonymous said...

I am glad there are people like you who can rock out customer service, because people like me are the ones that lose it and scream FUCK OFF to people standing in line being fucktards (yes, I got fired for doing that once).

You deserve a humanitarian award, Sara!