Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Vagueness Ends- Part Four: The End

This week we have covered belief, friendship, and life and death. Today we're going to cover The End. Here's our song for the evening:

No, don't panic-- I'm not leaving you my beloved lambwhores and goatsluts. ;)

It means that after almost eight years with the same job, a job that I loved and honestly thought I'd spend many more years at.... I have quit my job. It's been a long time coming. In my gut I felt for a very long time that things were changing. What used to be a fun and rewarding job has turned into a witch hunt. We have switched how we do business which isn't always a bad thing but in this case it is. People have very little respect and trust in anyone. Everybody is out to get each other. Honestly we spent more time talking about personal stuff that very little meaningful work was being done. I'll be busting my ass at my desk while people are talking about sports and stupid shit. I can only fake interest for so long. What used to be a really fun work atmosphere and genuine friendship between people has turned into backstabbing, lying, and high school drama.

I'm sick of having my ideas tossed around or disregarded because I'm young. I'm sick of being talked about if I chose to bring my own lunch and eat alone. Sometimes? I want to be alone. Sometimes? I don't want to talk to anyone. Sometimes? I just want to do my job in peace and quiet. Sometimes? I can't listen to the ass kissing. Sometimes? I just don't care.

How many times can it escalate 'Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe? And I must decide, if you must deride. That I'm much obliged to up and go.- Fiona Apple, Get Gone

Although I have been unhappy for awhile, the last six months have been the worst. I have always been a pretty optimistic person and I know that even when things get bad it rides out. The tides come in and stuff settles down and things will go back to being just dandy. But six months of it getting worse and worse. About two weeks ago my professionalism came into question because of my blog. My personal blog. The very thing that is covered under the First Amendment. Confidentiality was called into question. And while I agree that one post was maybe crossing the line the others weren't. A concert review? A post about my purse? A post about IKEA? A sloppy joe recipe? Please. Get a life. First off- I'll edit these posts and they are going back up. Second off- if a specific person had a problem with being mentioned THEY should have said something to me. Like a year ago. Because these posts? Were from LAST YEAR. Get over yourself. Third? Nowhere on my blog or even in my profile does it show my full name or where I work. Fourth? The sloppy joe recipe is published in a cookbook. How is that confidential??? Ultimately- it was the first step in what I know to be basically a mission to get me fired. Which is really hysterical because I actually did my job. I not only did all of my work but I did work for other people. On time. My stuff was never late. I can count on one hand how many times I was late in my entire 7 1/2 years. I only called in sick when I had no child care (rare) or when I was actually sick. Oh wait---they think I faked sick when I had H1N1. Um yeah- I have at least 5 people who can vouch for me on that. It wasn't a vacation and the fact someone from work insinuated that? Unprofessional and childish.

I consulted with three lawyers who all encouraged me to stay and get fired after they saw my documentation of things over almost eight years. I had one call me yesterday to tell me he'd take my case for free because he feels I'm being treated unfairly.

But it doesn't matter. Because in the end- I don't care. After my actually hilarious Monday, I stewed all week. I didn't know what I should do. Get fired or quit. Then my dad had his heart attack and that changed the situation around so I had no choice but to quit. So it worked out.

So I'm done. I'm gone.

And I'm sad. Ultimately none of the office staff will care or suffer. The only people that will suffer are the volunteers. I can't even tell you how sad I am that I won't be interacting with them day to day. That I won't see them at recognition and see how proud they are of all they accomplish. Sure, I'll see some locally but it isn't the same. I will miss them dearly. They have done so much for me and they don't even know it. I have learned more from them than I ever could from anyone else. That job has given me opportunities I wouldn't normally have had and for that- I will be eternally grateful.

What does this mean for me now? It means that as of right now, I'm stepping into stay-at-home-mommy status. Financially we are going to be tight but we've been in worse situations and we'll be fine. Today I got a part time job and I'm actually super excited about it. They are going to be flexible with hours so I can do them when Matt gets home AND spend time with my kids. It means my mom and dad are free to do other things than watch Olivia and Jackson all day while I work. They are in heaven with me at home and I actually couldn't be happier.

Already I feel a thousand times better. I guess you don't realize how toxic a situation is until you're away from it. I haven't had my daily headaches in two weeks. Well, I had a migraine today but that's because Aunt Flo is visiting. That bitch. But other than that? No headaches. I don't feel like throwing up when I wake up in the morning. On Sundays I don't cry with the thought of having to deal with the gossip and backstabbing. I'm free to eat lunch on my own! In my pajamas if I want to! :)

But more importantly- I feel like the old Sara. I wish you all knew me back in the day. ;) You think I'm awesome was better. Which can only mean better things for this blog. And speaking of this blog- it will be more upbeat. No more Sour Puss Sara. OK, so I might still have down days but not nearly as many. Pretty soon I'll be getting my own domain name and obviously I'll keep you informed on that.

OH! And I'm writing a book. Many, many, many of you have asked me about this and yes- I'm writing. I promise. I have two in the works: one is about my 30/30 list and one will be guessed it...all my employment follies. ;) It's going to be fabulous. I've already started my outline and I'm really excited about it.

So there you go. Lots of things are changing in Sara's Organized Chaos and I want to thank ALL OF YOU who have sent me encouraging emails, Facebook messages, left positive comments or sent me texts with happy thoughts. You all mean the world to me and I'm glad you're with me on the ride.


Chicken said...

OMG(said in high school drama voice).

This is so freakin great! I am so happy that you are finally cutting out things that make you unhappy. It is about time to stand up for yourself and say fuck you to all of the people and things that stand in the way of your happiness. And you can tell how sincere I was because I used the F-bomb.

I have on my glasses and my popcorn and I must say that was a great show. When do I get my autographed book so I can sell it on ebay and become a millionare?

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Sara, I cannot say how excited I am that you've cut these strings. The funny thing is I never realized how settled I'd become at Caribou till they fired me. It was a job I could do in my sleep because I'd been there so long. And on top of that, all the things corporate was doing was making me HATE the job. I didn't have the same love and enthusiasm that I used to have.

What I'm saying is I totally get it (although them going after you for your blog is ridiculous). And I totally support you and you sound SO happy in this post.

And we are TOTALLY celebrating on Sunday =-)

Holy Hannah said...

Well you rock on with your bad self!! Kick ass woman, I am happy you stuck up for yourself and did what you needed to do! Good thing it was just you quitting your job, I thought with the whole headache thing I thought you were dying or something. ~ Steph

Shanel said...

I feel you on the job thing... working with women is hard... it's hard when they don't mind their own business, it's hard when you work with a team--- who doesn't look out for each other, it's hard when your job makes you cry...sounds like the decision you made is well overdue but you made the right decision.... better things will come in due time... enjoy your children and do all the things you've been wanting to do now that you have a little more time. No one at my job knows about my blog--- but I have almost slipped up a few times and I hope that they don't find out. I will be pretty happy when I get to quit my own job for some of the exact reasons that you listed above... good luck and I'll definitely be buying both of your books... I am your fan:)

Anonymous said...

Ummm, in case you forgot, it is It's not hard to put two and two together and realize that your name is Sara Strand. Sorry, I'm just a random blog reader and you don't know me, but I've felt for a long time coming that your job was going to be in jeopardy because of the disgusting way that you conduct yourself on this blog. And the fact is, is that when you put that much of yourself out there in such a negative way, you are risking your job, among other things. I mean, have you never heard of Dooce? Just the way you talk about your husband is horrible and you've talked about your job in crappy ways more than once. You are not the first person that this has happened to and you won't be the last. Get over yourself Sara and accept responsibility for your actions. Oh, and maybe try to be nice to your husband for once.

Green Stone said...

Girl, I am so happy for you! Sometimes you just gotta take the plunge and get rid of the things that are pulling you down.

Also, eep for them using your blog. I have a feeling that mine only has a shelf life of a few years until I'm done law school, then it might have to go either bye-bye or anon.

Sara Strand said...

@amanda- of course friend!!

@Krysten- celebration will be had!

@Hanah- I may never actually die. We shall see. ;)

@Shanel- I'm a fan of you too!

@Kate- Thanks! :)

@Anon- haha. Are you from my work? That's fine. First off, I have no respect for Anonymous comments because I think it lacks intergrity and balls. Second off- I never claim to be anonymous. Third off- if you actually knew me in real life (and no, work doesn't count because you don't actually know me if it's just from work) then you would know more about my sitch with Matt. And even if you think you know- you have no idea. I think the fact that Matt and I are still married and he reads my blog says something. Fourth- I love my husband and he reads anything before I post it and gives me his blessing. Because he knows that I say it with honesty and love. I would easily let him post anything about me he wanted. Because I know he still loves me and I don't take it personally. Sixth- I don't feel that I'm painting myself negatively. I actually like who I am and I have loyal friends who agree. You can't take life so seriously. And lastly- if you don't like what you read here- it's a free fucking country and I suggest you stop coming here. Get a life. Cheers!

Miranda said...

Sara my love - I feel you baby! I'm super proud of you for cutting ties. I've been in a toxic work environment before and you're absolutely right that you don't know whats it doing until you wake up one day and you hate life.

And at risk of going tit-for-tat as a Sara lover I HAVE to address your anonymous follower:

Dear Anonymous,

This is a BLOG. A blog can take on my faces but most commonly is used as ones personal outlet. The best part of blogging is that you can get away from the judgemental assholes you encounter daily, the kind of people who will call your conduct, say, "disgusting." Unlike those assholes we are a welcoming group of mothers, friends, spouses, etc who support each other in a way the "real" world sadly does not. Too often in the "real" world we are surrounded by such asshats and blogging gives many an outlet for our reactions to our reality that those who know us might not find acceptable. So please, go on about your business and find another place to sit on your stack of judgments. We love Sara and clearly SOMETHING has brought you here - my guess is malicious intent. Grow up.

Sara Strand said...

OH! I should mention that yes- I know what Dooce means. And Dooce happens to be a FABULOUS blog and Heather is a fabulous writer- check her out if you haven't yet.

AND..I wasn't fired. I quit because of personal family issues. :)

Unknown said...

Bless your heart I understand all this too well. I had the same thing happen at one of my old jobs. I literally was employee of the month one month and then the next I was being run out because I stood up for myself over an old blog. I was having anxiety attacks for like two weeks because of their mind games. finally the Mr. told me to walk in and quit. As soon as I did, all the anxiety just went away.
Good Luck with all your new adventures!

allena said...

First off... I am so proud of you and your decision to do what makes YOU happy for once! We've all had shit jobs, and sometimes you hang in there just because you feel confident in your abilities to do the job, it makes you money, but that's about it. It IS possible to work in a place where your co-workers have integrity. And I'm glad you finally decided that enough is enough with all the bullshit. You are an awesome friend, and you deserve to have awesome friends. Fuck backstabbers! Two-faced bitches are that way almost always for one reason: jealosy! (and often lack of respect for themselves). Your complete and utter honesty (and self-proclaimed awesomeness) on this blog shows that you are confident with who you are, and that you are an honest person all-around.

Okay, now this goes out to Anonymous:
First off, I don't believe for a minute that you are a "random blog reader." It's obvious you've read Sara's blogs for a while with how much of an expert you seem to be on her past posts... Or perhaps you know her? Yeah, seems more likely. Especially with you saying you've "felt for a long time coming" that her job was in jeapordy...Out of everything she blogs about, all you care about is her job? Can we say co-worker?? Lol- Even if you were a random reader, what kind of asshole just randomly flames a person on their own personal blog site? And anonymously?? You're fucking weak. You DO realize that the people who post comments on here SUPPORT Sara? That's what personal blogs are for. There is a comradery here. And you stick out like a nasty festering puss-filled sore. Seriously- get a life.

Julie H said...

I knew it!! See you at the titty bar ;o)

NikkiAnn said...

Congrats Sara!! I'm so happy for you! You have to do what is best for you, and your family in the long run no matter what it takes! And I know exactly how you are feeling by getting out of a toxic environment/situation, and you have to be so relieved right now!!

And I think the Anon. poster needs to get a life! A blog is a place to express yourself! Anyone that knows anything about blogging knows that it is like an online "journal" entry, and the blog author knows upon starting their blog that unless they don't want people knowing their business to not post something on their blog for the whole world to see! (This would be why the www stands for world wide web!!) Its just common sense. And as far as I know Sara has plenty of common sense and wouldn't do something to jeopordize her job or her family by posting confidential things from work!

Okay... rant over!

Best of luck to you my dear!

Anonymous said...

Sara, I couldn't be more happy for you. My therapist says you have to find the source of the toxicity and eliminate it in order to get back on track. Judging from the comment from "Anonymous", you have done just that.

I have worked with women/people just like that. They are horrible excuses for humans. I wouldn't be surprised if they were the bible beaters I am in daily contact with.

Three words for you today, love....


Unknown said...

Hi Sara,
I just wanted to say I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I have been where you are on the job front and it sucks. Sometimes it is just hard to accept we have to move on after putting so much of our time and selves into something. I can already tell a difference in your attitude and from having been in your situation I can tell you things will only get better. I also suffered from the daily headaches to the point my employer sent me fro biofeedback and to see a counselor. Ironically the counselor suggested my job was causing my problems. Imagine that!!! I soon found another job that was less stress and get this more money!
As for Anonymous, grow some balls! If you have something to say at least have the courage to own it. You lack credibility if you are to chicken shit to even accept the responsibility for what you say. This blog is an outlet not only for Sara, but her followers. If your life is so perfect you don't need an outlet you obviously live in a rubber room. If you don't like what is said here and posted her the solution is simple. Don't fucking read it!!!
Sara, you rock and keep doing what you are doing. I will definitley read your book.

Gini said...

I'm SO glad you're away from all that horrendousness now! Although it would have been awesome to see that workplace pay its due for all the bullshit you endured, the most important thing is that you're out of there and already so much healthier mentally. Your life RULES!

Sara said...

I look forward to "meeting" this old new Sara. :D Glad the daily headaches have gone away. (((BIG HUGS)))) :D

Ann said...

Sara, you ROCK!

Anonymous, why don't you grow a pair? Then you can come back here and post comments using your true identity...not that it matters. This is a free country, and people can post whatever they want on their blogs. SO. FUCK. OFF.

Unknown said...

High~five Sara - I admire your courage and spirit. Enjoy your new job and have fun with those kiddo's.

AaronBillyMacHarlan said...

Wow sara that's great... I thought for sure you were splitting up with your studly husband and I was like, 'who's gonna take care of that crazy girl's re-roofing projects now?' I'm glad I was wrong. And by the way... I still read your blog religiously and trust me, if you quit your job it's their loss- you've got bigger fish to fry.

Chicken said...

Ok I have to get in on the annon party. I find it fishy (and we all know what smells "fishy") that this person reads your blog but never calls you out for your behavior till shit hits the fan and you QUIT your job. Hmmm I smell high school drama coworker who was just lurking waiting to say something, without the fear of face to face confrontation. I think those who judge others forget that they have personal lives too. Dont hate someone for being open and honest about their lives while you hide in the shadows of your home. Because you damn well know that you have stuck your finger in your ass and sniffed it before or have farted out your va jay jay when things got rough once in bed (if your lucky). Its just a part of life. Everybody Poops its the first book you read as a kid, teaches you that everyone is dirty at some point or another. Own it!

Fuegita said...

I hate the stupid gossip, it makes me sad that some people never grow out of it, people that have children my age are so immature. That's so great that you are able to quit and get out of that negative atmosphere! Good Luck!

Blue Disastrous said...

Oh my dog! I am so so so happy for you. That you can be happy again and not have to deal with daily nightmares. I'm sure your kids are loving this change, eh? ^_^

Sam said...

Sara. I am so happy your getting rid of all this stress. You deserve to spend more time with the kids rather than have to go to work every day to be under appreciated and talked about. If I worked with those bitches I would plot daily a way to ruin their blouse for that day. Accidental coffee pot incident, plant falls off of door jam, a wheel is removed from their rolley chair and when they sit down with their coffee/tea/kool-aid etc it spills on them. They wouldn't fuck with me after they had to replace 8 blouses in the course of two weeks. But i'm glad your on to better things, congrats on the bookstore job! I would be in heaven if I worked in a bookstore.
As for the Anonymous reader, I don't know what to say, I read through everyone else's comments before posting mine and they pretty much summed everything up for me. {Anonymous is a spineless coward who obviously is super jealous that your so outspoken, who sits in their dark apartment, stalking your blog but claiming they're a "random" reader, while smelling their finger they just put in their asshole.}
I also cannot wait for your book to come out. I would like a signed copy please!! <3

Another David said...

NOW the vagueness is over! Glad to hear about the big change :)

My friend's mother did the whole getting-yourself-fired-rather-than-quit thing, and I have to say, I'm not a fan AT ALL. So I'm happy you decided not to do it. IMHO, if you're unhappy with your job, find a new one and quit; intentionally getting yourself fired is such passive-aggressive shit. And for what? A severance package and unemployment benefits? Good job, you're going to need it when potential employers start calling your last boss.

PHEW! Sorry about that, just needed to vent.

Unknown said...

You obviously made the right decision and good for you! I have the same problem at my job sometimes. I feel like people are out to get me when I know I'm doing my job! What a terrible feeling.