Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Book Reviews, bitches.

Yay! It's book review time because I have a few books I've finished reading and I'm going to share them now so I don't forget. And we'll see if any of this makes sense because hey- I have a migraine and am currently under the influence of my migraine medication which makes me zonk out. Fun times.

Pretty In Plaid- Jen Lancaster

Pretty in Plaid: A Life, A Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending,Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase
I am a huge fan of Jen Lancaster. Huge. I have read (and bought) all of her books and her new one My Fair Lazy is on my shelf waiting to be read. It's in the que, as they'd say.

But this book is essentially the story of Jen growing up and each chapter is labeled with an article of clothing, thus making each chapter a story of those clothes. Now I know I went through my teen years in the 90's, but I do have a fond memory of Jordache jeans. I remember my uncle dating a girl because she had a pair of Jordache jeans. It was a big fucking deal. So even though I couldn't personally relate to the awesomeness of each article of clothing....I loved the stories anyway. It also doubles its fun (Doublemint gum...sorry...I can't help it) because it gives stories of her college years- which were alluded to in earlier books.

What I did relate to is how she started her first big job after graduating college and she could wow the pants off of you, organize a party, write beautifully....but she can't operate a damn fax machine. Which kind of sums up my theory on college. Universities give you a GREAT education and you can write papers that won't matter and you'll study things you'll never need, meanwhile a technical college will train you to do the job. What doesn't make sense is how you need a university degree to get a job that will be done better by a technical college graduate. *sigh*.

So I recommend this book- it's fun and it's a quick read.

Just Like Me, Only Better

OK- so this book is one I picked up from the library simply based on the cover. The cover actually doesn't really matter and I'm indifferent on the book.

Basically it's about a woman, fresh out of a divorce and struggling with co-parenting her son with a clueless ex-husband. She lives paycheck to paycheck but coincidentally- looks eerily similar to Haley Rush, who's a celebrity. Veronica (the mom) is offered a once in a lifetime chance to be Haley's double so to speak, and go run day time errands while Haley spirals into oblivion. It's a money gold mine and she knows this could be the ticket to provide a much better life for her and her son. Unfortunately, it has to be a secret. So while she's doing this, those around her thinks she's losing it and heading into a mid-life crisis and she becomes unreliable and thrown unexpectedly into the world of celebrity unwillingly. Madness ensues.

I knew how most of the story was going to play out. If Britney Spears has taught me anything- if you have a mental deficiency, I don't care how talented you are (or told you are) you should, under no circumstances, be a celebrity. So Haley is a lot like Britney Spears (minus the kids, KFed and head shaving. Or umbrella incident) so you know exactly what's going to happen. You know it blows up in Veronica's face but the end brings it around.

I have to say- I hated the ending. I feel like it just lumped us off- like there could have been more closure. BUT I did finish it super early in the morning so maybe I missed something.

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella (Twilight Saga)
First off, I have to give a big THANK YOU to Danielle, who gave this to me as a thank you for being awesome. Even though I am a fan of the Twilight story, I am not a fan of Stephanie Meyer. Does this make sense? I actually don't believe she's that great of a writer but she can hook you in, that's for sure. Plus I'm a sucker for vampires so there you go. The Twilight Series doesn't come CLOSE to holding a candle to the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, but they have their own entertainment value.

I will say that the fact that she kind of pushes her Mormon beliefs onto the reader with the chaste kisses and no sex thing...Twilight is a good love story. It's not great, it's just good. Honestly, though? Name five teenagers who are madly in love and are not having sex. I couldn't do that with teenagers I know now let alone teenagers I have ever known. Kids have sex- get over it. (But wrap it up kidlets!)

Anyways. So this actually has nothing to do with the Cullens or the werewolves or annoying Bella. Nope- it's about Bree, a teenage runaway who unwillingly becomes a vampire. She struggles in her new life and doesn't fully understand all that comes with being a vampire. She obviously falls in love with Diego, a fellow vampire who isn't totally newborn like her. If you read the Twilight series you know that Bree dies at the hands of Felix at the end of Eclipse because hey- she's an illegal newborn and breaks rules.

But it's an interesting twist because often times you read a story and wonder more about a character. I didn't actually feel like Bree warranted her own story, even more so after I finished it.

What I am excited about? The release of Midnight Sun. You may recall that part of the rough draft of it was released ages ago, which prompted Stephanie to release it on her own website (which you can view HERE). What makes me excited about Midnight Sun is that it is essentially the Twilight story but through Edward's eyes. I read the partial draft, and I have to say, I liked it 1000% better than Twilight. It's scarier, edgier, more of what you would expect out of a vampire story. It explains how badly Edward wants to essentially drain Bella and what a struggle it really is. What I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE is if all four of the books were re-written but through Edward's eyes. Not only would you have dramatically different point of view but you would also have very different stories. Take New Moon for example- where the hell was Edward? What was he doing? What was it like for him? Stuff like that. It should happen. (Stay employed, Stephanie!)

Also, for the records- vampires that sparkle is the lamest fucking thing I have EVER heard of.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
OOH..I love me some Chelsea. It is very rare that I get to watch her show and now that I have DVR I just have to learn how to use it and then I will be a complete Chelsea slut. Total. I also need to say I'm sad this is her last book. Super sad.

I identify with Chelsea in lots of ways. Most of which I won't share because hi-- I need to write my own book. But I'm snarky, I play mean tricks and tease mercilessly. Matt, unfortunately for him, takes the brunt of my cruel humor. Thankfully he takes it in stride, but I did take time to read excerpts from this to him so he can understand how much worse I could actually be.

The book is full of essays that highlight the pranks she pulls, how she can convince people who are eternally stupid to believe things that nobody who is on the outside of a mental institution would believe, and how nuts her family is. The emails between her siblings are hilarious and it makes me wish I had more than one sibling.

This book also, again, makes me wish I had gotten completely shitfaced every day of college instead of doing my school work. Even though my loans won't be paid off until 2013 (which would make you think I learned a LOT), I feel like by not letting loose I'm paying my whole life. Honestly? I feel like I could have been doing what Chelsea is doing. The fact she's not in her 20's anymore gives me hope that I still have a chance. I'm not completely against sleeping with someone to get a job, and I think Matt would support that, but I don't know if I could do Ted. I don't know. I just don't feel attracted to him at all and honestly? I am not a good actress.

Highly recommend this book and anything else by Chelsea.

OK- so that's what has been sitting on my bed table the last two weeks. I have a few more books lined up so we'll see what I can get done for next week. But for now bitches, my migraine meds are in full effect. Too-da-loo.


Sara said...

I'm so glad you posted this review on Pretty in Plaid. I have 4 of her books (minus the new one, which I didn't know is out) but haven't gotten to them yet. And yay for Chelsea Handler! I pre-ordered this book, and read it in about 2 days! Love her!

Tiffany said...

Isn't Midnight Sun on hold indefinitely?

Danielle said...

Okay so first off, you're welcome for the book ... kind of! See when ordered it I was all scatter brained and confused I didn't realize that it was about Bree. I didn't really pay attention to the title, just the fact that it had something else to do with the Twilight series, I thought it was about Renesmee! I haven't even picked this one up myself ... and I'm not really sure if I plan to. I mean it was such a random topic ... not to sound like a total bitch but who gives a rats ass about Bree?? I mean I didn't!

I LOVE Chelsea as well, and I'm definitely going to pick up her books as soon as I finish my series that I have lined up ... Alex Cross and Sookie Stackhouse!

I hope your headache gets better ... and I've missed you!!! I've been neglecting my blog and everyone else's for that matter! :) xoxo

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

The Jen Lancaster book you gave me is NEXT on my list and I am so excited about it! You have such great taste in books so I know it's going to be fabulous!

Thanks for these reviews lady!

Sam said...

Ok, I read the first thirty pages of the Short Life of Bree Tanner and had to put it down, it was so uninteresting I wanted to chemical peel my face rather than have to keep reading. And knowing she was going to die in the end didn't help.
I stopped keeping track of what I was reading and I really need to try to inventory everything because its been at least 10 books since I last posted anything.
And in addition to your previous post, about the book loaning, I have so many books, and I don't ever re-read books, so if I loan them out, they are more than welcome to keep them. So if you ever want to read anything that I have read, let me know, ill pay the freaking shipping to get them out of my house. :)