Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Clearly, I should have waited a few hours.

So last night I made teh preemptive move to say I was out of blog material. I should have just waited another two hours because in my boredom, I watched Teen Mom.

Let me state right here and right now- any teenager who gets pregnant or gets another teenager pregnant is an idiot. And any parent who doesn't have their teenage girl on some form of birth control is asking for trouble. And another mouth to feed. I remember clearly the day my mom told me she was putting me on birth control despite my protests that I wasn't having sex. Her response? "I don't care, and I really don't want to know. But I do know I'm not willing to take care of a baby because you got caught in a moment with a guy." True story, mom.

So I love watching the trainwrecks on Teen Mom because not only do they have some serious issues, but they just further prove the point that you should have to have a license to have babies. If you've never seen this, please go HERE to get familiar.

Let's take them one by one, shall we?

Maci: OK, so I kind of like Maci. Of all the girls, she is trying to get her shit straight. She's a good mom to Bentley and she has finally dumped her sperm donor, Ryan. Ryan is a fucktard and should be banned from having kids ever again. But Maci works, she goes to school, and she's taking care of her son. I like her.

Catelynn: This girl apparently cheated on her babydaddy/boyfriend with her ex. And that's a shame because babydaddy/boyfriend wants to marry her. And she should do whatever it takes to keep this boy because frankly? She is homely. She will never win a beauty contest and it's only going to get worse with age. She's in her youthful prime with her buck teeth that braces failed to fix, the weird eye spacing, etc. It's really just an unfortunate total package, but her mom was a drunk so I can only assume maybe she was drinking while pregnant? GREAT ROLE MODEL. But Catelynn and bd/bf gave their baby up for adoption to give her a better life. Honestly? Smartest couple on this show. They at least recognize they aren't ready or capable, but they struggle with that decision. And then they are both only 17 and think they are going to get married. HA! I've been down that road and I'm going to put money down in 3 years? Broken up.

Farrah: Oh Farrah. Seriously. First off, she obviously has some kind of speech impediment. Her speech is so labored and slow that you just think maybe her brain can't move that fast. So maybe it's more of a mental handicap then? I don't know but her voice drives me insane. It's inherited from her mother who is probably THE craziest mother I've ever seen in action. Her mom is the definition of unbalanced and only Farrah is able to recognize this. You'd think Farrah's dad would back her up and be like, "Listen wifey poo- you be crazy. You need meds." Farrah's mom literally punched her in the face, then wielded a knife at police officers trying to arrest her and she thinks she's not guilty. WTF? What?? WHAT?? How can you NOT be guilty? It's caught on MTV cameras for god sakes. But I do feel bad for Farrah since babydaddy is not in the picture (I think he died or something..seriously) but still. They show her not knowing how to pay bills and shit.

(Side rant: Dear Parents: Please, please, please teach your child the responsiblity of paying their own bills. Some day you will die and your child will be a boil on society with their whining and stupidity. And then people will remember you as a sucky parent.)

Amber: I saved the best for last. And by best I mean crazy. Amber. Oh, Amber. I hope some day you see this. You need professional help. And possibly heavy doses of medication. And parenting classes. And you need to step away from tight clothes, tanning booths, and eyeshadow. Please. It's not ok to look like this and I am really surprised you can even hold down a part time job looking like a hooker. In the day time.

Anyways. Amber is her "fiance" Gary are horrible together. First off, they shouldn't be together and for the sake of America- they need to stop having sex which could potentially produce more offspring. My taxes are high enough god dammit. Amber SCREAMS at Gary. All of the time. And every time the poor guy tries to defend himself she just screams some more. But Gary is kind of a fat, lazy fuck so he has no clue what to do or what's going on. How he even maneuvered his wee wee in the hole in the first place I'll never know. But they were engaged, then she dumped him for being stupid. Then she begs for him back, so he comes back. Then she's PISSED that they aren't engaged and wants to be. So he proposes again and she gets PISSED because he didn't do it to her standards. Are you serious? Once you end an engagement and get back into it, the "tradition" of the whole thing is gone. And she wants it to be done the right way, etc. Well......I'm not a marriage expert...but USUALLY people wait until their married to have kids. That's kind of considered the "right way" or at least "traditional". Seriously- this girl is a train wreck.

Oh- and THEN. Oh my god. So she's at a chocolate store or something, and while Amber and Gary are talking- their daughter is running wild in the store. CONTROL YOUR KID. I hate people who let their kids do whatever. Seriously. It pisses me off to no end. Oh! And then they go on vacation- a road trip to Florida. Well, most 18 month old kids don't want to be in a car for 16 hours. Actually- most adults don't either. So Leah (the baby) is screaming and trying to get out of her seat..crying..etc. There's Amber- trying to sleep and getting pissed off because she can't. Well guess what you fat ass? Take care of your daughter. Read her a book, give her a snack, play with a toy, etc. Seriously- of ALL of the moms on the show Amber is far and above the worst mom on there. And that's not an easy thing to say- that someone is a terrible mother. But truly. Her daughter? Is a teen mom waiting to happen.

So yes. Do you watch Teen Mom? What are your thoughts on these moms??


Gini said...

Farrah lives like 10 miles away from me and sometimes she on my college campus. I seriously hate that her trashy CB white trash trashiness brings attention to my little corner of the states.


Ann said...

Um, yeah, you've pretty much summed it all up. Maci--decent, Catelynn--mom DEFINITELY drank while pregnant, Farrah & her mom--all sorts of fucked up (although I do feel bad that her mother kept calling her a whore while she was pregnant--he was the only guy she'd ever slept with--AND that her baby daddy died), and Amber is a royal fucking bitch. Yep, you nailed it once again.

Jenn @ That Just Happened said...

If I had a tennage daughter I would show her episodes of Teen Mom as a birth control method...and it would work. I'm in my late 20s and I am turned off having kids because of this show. These girls (especially Amber) are crazy with a capitol K.

Shirley said...

I have seen the show. Its a travesty that they would even air a show like that because you know thousands of other dumb teens are going to think that maybe if they get knocked up they will get on tv. Listen, I understand I got knocked up when I was 17 and my parents did the best thing ever. They stopped helping me. Forget anything even resembing a teenage life. That went out the window when I got the plus sign pee stick. I had to work 40 hours a week and finish high school until the day I gave birth. Then I had to go back to work 1 month after so that my kid wouldn't hate me for being some trailer trash welfare recipient. It just so happens that I have been married to my baby daddy for over 5 years. But that was luck most of the time it won't happen that way. I guess the moral of the story is maybe if our schools taught teens to wrap it up there wouldn't be this epidemic of dumb asses procreating. I work in a labor & delivery and I see it way too much.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Oh my god when they were in that chocolate store I wanted to PUNCH THEM. Seriously. WATCH YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU ARE SHOPPING! The employees do not want to clean up after your kid. OMFG.

I do like Maci. I think she'll eventually get herself a good life. Her baby daddy though? Idiot.

You pretty much summed up the show for me, hehe. Of course, great minds think alike.

Sara Strand said...

@Gini- you MUST get your picture taken with her. Fabulous blog material!!

@Ann- I doubt Amber will ever find a guy who's willing to put up with that shiz.

@Jenn- Exactly. The fact that girls (and some guys) think that having a baby and being a parent is a walk in the park is unbelievable.

@Shirley- First off, yay for you. Some parts of me think the show should be aired because it's supposedly a "reality check" as to how hard it is. But I don't think it does a good job because most of these girls have their parents to fall back on. They should feature more parents like you- where you parents tell you to face the consequence. Mine would have done the same thing.

@Krysten- I know!!! And then the beach? And the little girl screaming? HI- FUCKTARDS: Sand is HOT and is probably burning her feet. Oy.

____j said...

I love Maci. She's my fav. I like Caitlyn, too, and Tyler. She didn't cheat on him, she told him that she lost her virginity to some guy when she was 14 [ex-b/f] and that she still talked to him, so ya it still sucks, but at least she didn't actually cheat on him, right?

Chicken said...

Just finished watching it. (love you DVR)Amber makes me tired. Farrah makes me sad because she needs a family that really does love her. Maci is golden, but her new bf is nicer than baby daddy but not better looking. Catelyn I love them because they are the ones that have a head on their shoulders, now I just wish they would work out issues and be cuddle buddies again. I need a life don't I?

Unknown said...

omg, just had to buy a pregnancy test for my SIL's friend. Yeah they're 14. I had a long talk about birth control and condoms and basically how men are never to be trusted to bring the protection. I was like really, do you want to be a dumb ass on teen mom?

allena said...

Ok- I am totally feeling you on this! I think Maci has real potential. I love that she is waiting to bring her new boyfriend around Bently until she is more sure of him. Ryan is a fuck up and I'm glad she left him. Farrah and her mom have issues for sure, but for the sake of Sophia, I hope they work it out. Caitlyn has a lot of growing up to do still, but her boyfriend needs to let go of the past and grow up himself. And finally... I HATE Amber!!!! That's alli have to say about her. Lol! Love the show though! :)

MeredithDuck said...

I love that show. We don't have cable at home but when we went on vacation I got sucked into it. It was the perfect way to start my day.

Ang said...

I've never watched the show... but it sounds like a drama I never want to be a part of! oy vey...

no said...

Hahah, I love this show. Watched this and 16 & pregnant since it started and you summed it up so nicely. Though you did skip Farrah's immature angry rants at her mother. Would it kill her just to say "I'm not ready to mend fences yet"?

Or maybe you missed it because you can't stand to hear her talk?

Actuary Mom said...

That show is SOOOO addictive. My mom was like your mom, she put me on birth control when I was 16 because she was sure I was having sex (I was not). I think I'm going to take that route with my kids.

Nyx said...

So. Teen Mom. I love how some of the girls on that show are all pissy because they can't go out and do yadda yadda yadda because they have to take care of their kid...dude. My take on it is - if you have a child, you need to devote yourself to it. Not the kid's fault that you couldn't keep your legs shut. Anything even resembling a teenager's normal life is automatically thrown out the window.

Aherm. Sorry. Amber and mothers like her make me want to vomit. I see them all the time, and I just want to snatch their children away from them because the kids are the ones who wind up suffering. That's not to say a teenager can't be a good mom - I know loads of teens who are great moms to their kids.

I totally second the notion to make this show become part of high-school sex ed.

Unknown said...

You are a blogger after my own ♥ I LOVE watching this show and Jersey Shore.

Claire said...

omg ive seeen bits of that show on tv. It pisses me off no end that i'm having to pay tax so that women, teenage or otherwise can breed. I chose not to have kids as i love the life style that i have no i'm not a lesbian ive been with my hubbie for 21 yrs (selfish? so what!) and it reeeeally grates that i'm paying for people like that to become spongers of society. (yep..of course we have people like that over here, and i'm sure it's worse as they get all kinds of hand outs from our government if they have kids grrrrr grrrrr god it makes my blood boil every time i think about it too often!!!!

Sarah said...

Holy crap that show is my favorite. It's a train wreck in every sense. And I don't miss a minute. I go back and forth on Farrah - mostly feeling sorry for her and trying to remember that I wouldn't have known WHAT to do with a kid when I was a teenager. I'd like to think I would be nicer than her, but who the heck knows? Also -- Amber and Gary gross me out. Period.

Another David said...

train wrecks on tv always make me feel better about myself. i'm pretty sure all these girls were on 16 and pregnant, and mtv offered them more money to continue to allow cameras to destroy their privacy so the agreed. i watched ONE (1) episode of that show, in which the following conversation took place

girl: "i don't want to breastfeed because i don't want it to mess up my boobs."
doctor: [jaw hits floor] "well, it's not the breastfeeding that's going to affect your boobs, it's the pregnancy. and breastfeeding has been proven to be healthier for babies, so you really should do what's best for him."
girl: [despondently looks at the floor, realizing that it's going to be hard to continue being a party whore as a 16 y/o mom] "...oh..."

God Bless America

Also, it's clearly been more than two weeks since I caught up on your life. Sorry about that.