Friday, January 28, 2011

da-da-da-da-Dear Sara!

You see what I did there? I sang my title!

OK. So I didn't in real life. You'll live. Actually you'll live a longer life with your hearing because me singing is horrid.

But it's time for Dear Sara.

1. In lieu of your eat like a fat whore weekend... McDonald's or Burger King. Dudes. If I had to chose between the two it's totally going to be Burger King. Specifically a #9 with no mayo, large fry, large Coke. (That's the original chicken.) If I absolutely HAD to eat at McDonald's, it's a #3, only ketchup, large fry, large Coke. (that's the quarter pounder with cheese.) BUT my hands down favorite place.. Wendy's. All the way bitches. There.. I could eat everything. Not really because I'm picky. BUT my go-to meal there is the #6, lettuce only, large fry/Coke. (That's the spicy chicken). OR I'll get the crispy chicken sandwich, ketchup only, large fry/Coke. OR the chicken nuggets. God help me. I'm fucking STARVING right now. Ugh. But I did have Wendy's for lunch because my meal was free because I'm a frequent customer of Wendy's. HA!

2. Now that you have started vlogging my husband has decided that he may just be in love with you. Could you please tell him what happens to those who lust after (and probably secretly masturbate over) somebody other than their spouse? Guess what? Several of you have emailed me to tell me that your husbands love me. I'm sorry. As long as they don't start stalking me, I'm totally fine with it. BUT I highly suggest that you remind your husbands that it's scientifically proven their penis will fall off if they masturbate to the wrong thing. Seriously. I read that in Cosmo. Or National Geographic. I can't really pin down where I read it but I know I did. And if your wife catches you- I don't think anybody is going to find her guilty in a court of law. I'm just sayin. It's not worth your penis. Unless you don't love your penis. In which case you should be having a different kind of coming-to-Jeebus meeting with your wife about maybe being a girl. (As an aside I'm a full supporter of LGBT communities so you'll always be a lambwhore to me)

3. Do you wear contacts? Because in some of your vlogs your eyes are REALLY blue. No. I don't wear contacts because I'm a big baby and can't handle anything to do with my eyes. Like, I can't even put drops in, so when they are dry I'd rather go around with blood shot eyes looking like a stoner than vag up and put some Visine in. This also means I pussy out at the eye doctor. I wear glasses and I believe my vision has worsened so I should be wearing them way more often. I wear them when I drive new places or at night for sure though. BUT I've only been to the eye doctor twice since I've been 16. Folks, I'm on the cusp of 29.. so that means I'm not seeing that doctor very regularly. BUT I'm going to go this year (maybe) because I really do need new glasses. So no, the eye color you see is what I am. My eyes also change. So sometimes they look really blue while other times they are really green. I'm a freak. BUT my birth certificate says blue.

And finally... our last question for this evening is brought to you by ME. But I kind of think this song should play in the background?


Oilfield Trash said...

I love me the spicy chicken sammich from Mcdonalds. With onions added. I would kick an old person down a flight of stairs for a Mcdonalds spicy chicken sammich.

As for the vlog, you did an awesome job with that one. Great answer.

And the reason I don't have a vlog post is because 1) I offend certain "religions" outside of this country so I don't need them knowing who I am and 2) I don't want men masturbating to me. So yea there ya go.

Oh and I sometimes go to sing karaoke with friends. I only ever sing 3 songs. "Tush" by ZZ Top, "Born on the Bayou" by CCR, and that damn Bloodhound Gang song. You should see the looks I get when I sing it. I shit you not people think that is not an actual song. I love it.

Perfect song for the vlog question by the way.

Good post.

justme5686 said...

OMG I love you. So glad you do these posts every week :)

Jennifer Kay said...

So what you are saying is Jon has to get in line for sloppy fourths? He'll be stoked.

Canadianbloggergirl said...

Ok so once again, hubby thinks you're hysterical. Once again, he doesn't actually watch you, he's just in the room on his own puter (playin stupid fb applications). the hair up in a pony....I envisioned that look for you long ago, and I was so right....u totally pull it off well.


middle child said...

So much wisdom for a young girl. You always amaze me. I wish all your pots were vlogs. Hell, you should get your own show. A one hour show. I would DVR the hell out of that!!!!!

Asha said...

Great! Now I'm hungry.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

We are so meant to be friends. I love Wendy's best too and I should wear my glasses lots more (I haven't worn my contacts in 9 years, wow) but don't. Oops!

Anonymous said...

haha i love your face. great advice in the vlog :)

The Mrs. said...

"I don't even know if the Health Dept. checks that shit...they should tho..."

Hahaha~ you're the best! Couple things:

1. I can't eat Wendy''s something about the square patties. It freaks me out. I know that automatically makes me a freak and quite possibly unstable--it's just a thing. I'm with you on the McDons thing--barf. If I HAVE to eat there...I eat fries, which I LOVE. Those things are coated in crack, I'm convinced. My go to fast food place is Taco Hell where I order a #9 which is a crunch wrap supreme--no meat, easy on the sour cream, no nacho cheese and add shredded cheese, with a hard (not crunchy--I like saying hard...)taco with meat (this blows their minds) and a Pepsi. Without the Pepsi it just doesn't work. I'm sure a side of spit is served with it frequently. God forbid you have to think while working the drive thru.

2. You're dead on with the stripper advice--go with the flow and bring hand sanitizer.

3. I'm out of contacts and due for a new exam, but since I'm poor I have to wait til my tax return is in. So I'm walking around in a pair of glasses that I've had for 6 years--they've got scotch tape on both ear pieces. I look hot.

Great vlog, Sara!

Julie H said...

ok my question is WHY would a group of males and femals want to go to a strip club in the first place? I can see a bunch of bachelor guys but their girls? Gross! I'd say suggest something a little bit less disgusting like a regular bar/club/dancing whatever.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

My eyes are both blue or green too! Sometimes they are grey. Depends on what I wear & what sort of mood I am in. My mom & oldest son have the same eyes as well.

We call them 'magic eyes' :)

Mama Mary said...

I love your advice and mostly I love your accent. (I'm from California so it's an accent to me :)).

Nikolett said...

YESSSSSSS~ you are my kind of lady. Wendy's FTW all the time. Followed closely by Harvey's, but it's kind of expensive so it's more of a three-times-a-year kind of place. And I love your eyes and am thankful I don't have a husband just yet or else he would fall in love with you ;)

I've been working on a revamp of your blog, I will send you a screencap soon!

Ang said...

MMMmmmm... Wendy's.... {drool}

April K. said...

Ha! Love your blog! I'm with ya all the way on the BK chicken and Wendy's chicken. :)

April @ Pink Snails & Puppy Dog Tails