Saturday, April 30, 2011

It's Only Saturday.

Seriously folks. Today has been the topper of a hellacious week.

It started as soon as I woke up to Batman and Stumpy wrestling on my chest. These cats are gaining a lot of weight and having them wrestle made me feel like one of my lungs was going to collapse.

Then I wake up to find that Jackson peed all over the bathroom floor again. He used to care and make an effort to clean it up. Usually with whatever piece of clothing Matt left on the floor. Nope. He's over it. So I stepped into a puddle of piss first thing. He also put his soaking wet pajamas in the cupboard under the sink. I don't know why, but there they were.

At breakfast time Jackson decided he was going to dump his orange juice all over the floor I mopped last night. And then slosh it around because you know- it's like a puddle then.

After breakfast we went upstairs so I could shower and get ready for the day- which was a useless effort. I look and feel exhausted so I'll not be winning any beauty awards but I might end up on What Not To Wear since hi- I refuse to iron my jeans today and it's obvious.

When I was done making an attempt with my face, I went into Olivia's room to find her pulling her pants up. Our convo went like this:

M: Olivia, what are you doing?
O: Putting fresh underwears on.
M: Why- what's wrong with what you had on.
O: I don't know.. I just wanted fresh.
M: (not buying this for a minute) Olivia- WHERE are your underwear?
O: In the hamper, MOM!
M: Let's check. (I know they aren't in there because I would have noticed her going in there)
O: (reluctantly) Where did they go?
M: I don't know, you tell me. Where are they?
O: Hmm.. maybe in the downstairs hamper!
M: Olivia- I know they aren't in there because that one is empty. You have exactly 3 seconds to get your underwear otherwise I will be taking the Barbies away. RIGHT NOW.
O: (Runs to her room, retrieves crumpled up underwear from behind a chair) Here they are.
M: OK, let me see them. (Discover they have poop in them. See the red mist behind my eyes and have to slowly count to ten before I lose my temper)
M: You are going to go directly to the bathroom and sit on the toilet until you poop. I'm serious. I don't care if you are there all stinking day- you DO NOT GET OFF until you have pooped.
*fast forward exactly 43 minutes*

I then punished her for flat out lying to me. Seriously. I'm so pissed I can't even take it. I know I'm PMS'ing and I'm not having a good day. She is almost six... what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, people. I'm so over her and her poop issues and just not feeling like going because hey- she's busy- it's ridiculous.

Then we go out for lunch because I was going to get gas and then stop at the library and the post office. They did SO WELL at lunch. They always do, but after this morning I'd be lying if I wasn't thinking of good punishments for crappy behavior the entire drive. They do great at the post office and while waiting for me to pump my measly $20 in gas ($3.99/gallon.... that sucks.) that I hope will get me through to next Saturday. At the library though, Jackson threw a FIT because I wouldn't let him take a chapter book home. Hi- the kid can't read. He already had 3 books and 1 movie in the stack (that's each kid's limit) and he's freaking out. It was right then that I decided that when we got home? I'm leaving them with Matt and going to the mall. Broke or not, this mom needs away from these children.

We made it home. He cried the entire way saying I was bossy. Olivia was yelling at me because we weren't doing crafts when we got home.

So I dropped them off and went to the mall with my mom. I got two summer dresses for Vegas and then I got new lotion and a free one at Bath & Body, a hilarious card for a friend as a surprise, and a shirt for my Milwaukee trip with my friend. All under $50. So that was nice.

And because I went shopping, you should too. I just put these up in my Etsy shop today: (buy them HERE)

 And I have some custom work to get done this weekend and one of them was a set of baptism invites. These actually came out just as I pictured them in my head, so that made me happy. They are going to their new home today. The cross at the top was heat embossed so they look completely professional. I really liked them. So... one project done. One to go. :)
OK. I'm finishing up a Dear Sara post that will go up probably tomorrow if I can get enough time without the kids tearing up the house. 


Classic NYer said...

I feel tired after having read that ordeal... wow.

Stopping in from the LBS tea party. :-)

Julie H said...

You iron your jeans? Crazy girl lol

Invites look great! I'm so glad my kids never did poop issues.

Anonymous said...

Oh, man. That sounds awful! I hope this means that things will get super awesome super fast. <3

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Yeah what is it with kids and pooing their undies my grandson Blain is 5 and has only just started to poo in the toilet since he started school this year. Little Leo is 3 and is still not toilet trained because he has no interest in using the toilet and his mother get so angry with him at times, unlike nanna who makes a game out of it asking him where his wee and poo is and why isn't it coming out.......Jes thinks I sound silly talking to his wee and poo but hey it makes him at least want to sit on the toilet without a tantrum..........

Looking forward to Dear Sara.

You are so talented I know I have told you that before but hey who doesn't like to hear these things over and over again and I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it........

You think you pay a lot for petrol we have been paying $1.53 per litre which hubby says there is around 4lt to a gallon so that would be about $6 a gallon does that make you feel any better.

SherilinR said...

ugh! kids & their stupid ass issues!

Anonymous said...

You iron your jeans? really? I don't think I've ever done that before. In fact, I'm so lazy with the ironing business, I just throw clothes back in the dryer for awhile so they aren't wrinkly anymore. lol.

Sorry to hear you were having a rough day my friend :( But at least you did some retail therapy ;)

Kimberly Gauthier, Dog Nutrition Blogger for Keep the Tail Wagging said...

Is this what it's really like? I don't have kids and all my adult life people have given me a story about what it's like to have kids and it's all good with a bad moment thrown in here and there, because perfection is just not believable.

I knew it was a crock.

I loved reading this, this is the most entertaining blog I've found and I wouldn't have found you were it not for the Tea Party.

Wow. You're a great writer!

Unknown said...

Sorry for the child drama. Accidents happen, but lying is always unacceptable. Especially to that extent.

On a brighter note, those invites came out really well. I'm sure the picture doesn't even do the embossing justice.