Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's a special day....

... because my baby brudder is officially 27! YAY!

I have to tell you that my brother is awesome. He's a million shades of hilarious, I adore him to bits even though he did body slam me on a coffee table once (ok... a few times), and he's a great guy. If I called him right now and told him to bail me out of jail, he would do it without asking any questions. He might look like hell and obviously rolled out of bed doing it, but he would absolutely show up.

We're besties for life. (Folks- this will be the only time I'll flash boob for you. FYI)
 And I've always been the boss of him. Which was easy when we were younger and I was bigger than him. Look at me schooling my infant brother on how to play toys. I look like I'm yelling at him. Me- age 2 1/2 and Travis was 6 months old.
 But clearly karma really is a bitch because he's much taller than me and could absolutely beat me up.
Travis has seriously been my pillar through some of the worst times of my life. When I was at my lowest low, Travis was the only one who maybe thought I was crazy and stupid but never said it to my face. He just supported me and for that I will always love him to bits. I love that we have all kinds of awesome stories our parents don't know about. I love I can hang out with him and know I'm going to laugh my ass off. I love how he pays to get my friends drunk. I love how good of a sport he is with just about anything. I love how great he is to my kids. I love how he will make a complete ass out of himself and get stuck in a little kids coin operated ride at the mall just because he can. I love how he is a complete smart ass and can always find a way to piss someone off just by walking into a place. I love him. He's the bestest brother in the whole wide world. And I'm the bestest sister ever. You want to know why? Because I give the best gifts.

Behold, the most amazing treasure that came out of my mother in law's attic that Kate tried to sell at the yard sale that I immediately knew belonged in my brother's bachelor pad he shares with his friend Phil. I just really hope they let a girl shower at their house before doing the walk of shame so this is the last thing she sees:
 It's a great way to start your day, homies.
 Look- you have options. I'm sad I couldn't get the man head one.
Look how happy that guy is! Come on! I only want my brother to be happy.

And of course, you know I can't stop at just that. Oh no. Oh hell fucking no. One thing I know about my brother? He loves gummy bears. More than he loves cheese puffs. So when I was watching TV in the middle of the night and saw this commercial? I knew I had to buy it.

Yeah. It really is the greatest flipping gift ever. It really is fucking huge. And heavy. It was also $42 after shipping so by fucking god- I bought his groceries for the week. So there you have it. Don't you wish I was your sister? Yeah. You bet you do.

So happy birthday, Travis. You are awesome, I love you to the moon and back, I'm mom's favorite, and I'm glad you have dental insurance.


Oilfield Trash said...

This was a great post and tribute to your brother. Happy Birthday little brother!!!

Anonymous said...

Love this post! Your brother is awesome :) I love your shirt too in the Christmas pic- too clever. Griswold's Family Christmas and you're wearing it for Christmas. lol. Funny. And I love your brother too for getting your friends drunk ;) Oh and I died laughing at the shower head thing. omg....

____j said...

Coolest gifts ever! hahaha