Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Matt's photographic to-do list before Olivia's party. Oh yes, I'm going there.

I've made no secret about being over the top frustrated with the state of ghettoness in my home and yard. I am fully aware that my current surroundings could be so much more ghetto, but in comparison to my neighbors it's pretty bad. Even the pedophile keeps his yard crap to a minimum. Even the drug dealers down the block are weed whacking their yards regularly.

And because I have been very laid back about Matt's lack of caring about the curb appeal of our house for oh... SIX YEARS... I'm kind of over it. He has no excuse. He's super handy, he can organize when he wants to (the ability is there), he has the skills and the means to make repairs and install things, we have a trailer so he could be taking things to the dump.... it's that he chooses not to. OR, (and this is my favorite) he has no idea what I'm talking about.

Well Matt- I will show you what I'm talking about.

1. The back porch light. We have exposed wires just chillin next to the back door. We have the light fixture--I've seen it sitting on top of the laundry sink that's been sitting there for five years in the garage. I say, let's put that bitch up before it breaks in it's box. And you know, having some light in the yard wouldn't be a bad things since we have a pedophile directly behind us.
 2. The back steps. First off, why is there a cooler open and hanging out by the door? MAYBE explains why our yard is swarming with mosquitoes? I understand your argument that you can't fix the steps, but let's at least move the concrete chunks to the trailer (that's going to go to the dump) and weed whack this shit. Some of those are tall as my knee for god sakes. And the gap between the steps and the door? Can we put something there so a person doesn't accidentally fall through the huge gap?
 3. I take full responsibility for my failure as a gardener. I suck at helping real plants thrive but by god I can grow some waist high weeds. But it wouldn't look this bad if you had just gutted it out a month ago when I asked. Every day for three weeks. And the fact that all of these weeds have prickers? Not good when we'll have about 15 little kids running through our yard in two weeks for Olivia's party.
 4. This pile of random shit that's been next to the garage for years? GET RID OF IT. Where did those tires come from? Why are the kids' sandbox toys hiding in what I believe to be a chive bush? Once again, why did you take down our gutters for no reason? Why are you using one of our nice bathroom towels as a garage curtain? This all needs to go. Is that a garbage can, storage box AND garbage bag of aluminum cans? These need to go. I know you say we get more if we have 100 pounds of them, but do you know how many bags of cans 100 pounds is? I am telling you right here and now I will not let you hoard aluminum cans so you can look like an asshole trying to cash in 100 pounds worth. No. I put my foot down.
 5. Speaking of gutters, since you were on a anti gutter rampage for NO REASON, why did you leave this section? Can we take it down because again, we have plant life growing on the roof?
 6. Oh, and since we're discussing the things that need to be done- have you seen the laundry sink lately? When I said I wasn't cleaning it ever again on Monday, I wasn't kidding. I refuse to deal with this. I've done my time. My punishment of having to clean this drain every other day for six years is worse than some people get in prison for robbery.
 In case you are unclear- take a closer look. Look at it! It's disgusting and I'm putting my foot down. Do you know what that is? It's half sand from the plumbing and half sludge that is peeling off of the concrete sink. And of course fur from our retard cats rubbing on it. I want you to scrape this with the special spoon for two hours and I bet you'd demand a new sink. Especially when 90% of the parts are sitting in the garage.
So world, this bitch is going on a trip to Menards all by herself on Saturday and I'm going to buy a counter top and some plumbing pieces. I am going to have them all ready for when my husband comes home from work on Saturday. Then I'm going to pack up the kids and head to the mother fucking mall while he hooks this shit up because the time has come. Oh, it has come. Is this all that needs to be done? No. Not even freaking close. But this is what I think can be done in the resonable time of two weeks. I will give earned credit for putting the closet door trim up. You didn't paint it, but it already looks better.

If you don't hear from me by Monday just assume I've been arrested for domestic assault because I feel like I am at my end. Olivia's party is on the 10th. I have a bunch of people coming and I know they are friends and they have heard me bitch time and time again, but no more. I absolutely will not let him do nothing in prep for a party. He doesn't shop, he doesn't cook, he doesn't decorate and he isn't even grilling this year so this punk can just fix some of this crap up.

So there.


Julie H said...

Been there. Done that. Blew a gasket.

Jennifer Kay said...

Oh snap...if I were Matt I would just stab an ink pen in my jugular and be done with it.

Good luck!

Ruth said...

When the gutters get cleaned you may want to get some of those gutter covers. You can get them at Menard's. We have maple trees and the whirly gigs are always filling up the gutters and those covers are on the list to buy to make life easier.

Anonymous said...

lol.... love this picture to-do list! And um- how you dealt with the sludge for so long, I have no idea. Gross.

Tina said...

Amen sista, can I tell you about the pallets on my front lawn for the last year. One with stacked stones about a foot high. Been there so long the dogs use it as a pissing post!

Ryan Adair said...

Haha! Good luck!

Ryan @ Thismustbetheplaceryan

Kattrina said...

I think my husband feels the same way you do about your husband. He likes things done NOW and I tend to put things off for a while. He has been on me for over two months to go through the boxes in our dining room (from the move) and put them away. I told him he can't touch them because he doesn't know what can be thrown out and what is to be saved - but I haven't touched them either. He is thoroughly annoyed with me.

Dana said...

OMG, I think Matt and Michael are brothers. I deal with the exact same stuff as you. I hope things gets better for you. Keep us posted on the progress!