Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Bitchfest because we can.

Let's have a bitch session, shall we?

We shall!

And because when I feel my world is chaotic, my OCD kicks in, so let's number this list so we're all neat and orderly.

1. I hate being taken advantage of. For the past few weeks I feel like people expect me to say yes to something when really? I mean no. When I tell you no I don't want to, I mean no. No under every circumstance you can think of short of death and even then it might still be no.

2. If I ask you for information, please don't assume I'm taking over. I'm not, I'm just asking for some clarification because *shocker* I don't know everything. So now even more is heaped onto my plate because people feel threatened over something so fucking dumb.

3. I'm sick of hearing about people bitch about Obama and ObamaCare and elections. You know what? I'm 30 and I can't get a fucking mammogram despite having some issues because my insurance doesn't think I should get one until I'm 40. If I had ObamaCare, I could get that mammogram without fearing being in ridiculous debt. I try not to wish ill on others but for all of the people who are so against it, I hope you get cancer or some chronic illness that requires thousands of dollars in drugs every month so you can just get out bed and that you don't have insurance to cover it. Because then and only then do I think you'll really understand what it's like for us middle class people who can't get help with anything to save our lives. Meanwhile, I'm waiting for my Nazi insurance company to approve my migraine pills and I will tell you right now that if they deny me I am going to buy street drugs from the shady Mexicans down the road. I cannot live without my last resort narcotics because I will probably die. I'm not kidding- if I don't die from pain I will probably die from Matt suffocating my whining ass.

4. I'm sick of government cutting funds on education. Again. I don't know how they want us to do great things in the world if you can probably get a better education in god damn Cuba. Of every single budget item this country has, education is the one thing that should not only be getting an increase every year, but it should never be decreased. Same with the state level. Our school district alone is facing $700,000 in cuts and it's like jesus christ- what more can we cut back on? We have shit school lunch, the kids can't even go to art and music every day, after school activities in the elementary level at least are almost non existent and yet, we get more cuts next year. It's absolutely ridiculous how any legislator can justify these cuts.

5. I am tired of being the Poop Nazi in my house. I swear to you, I have to ask about the poop status on both kids at least five times when we come home. First they lie to you, then they start stinking so bad you know they lied, then they try and give up a few times, and then you have to get excited when they do poop because you at least know you don't have to give an enema. It's the small things I guess.

6. I am annoyed that Matt never washes the table after supper. He just wipes the crumbs onto the floor which he then never sweeps. Then I step in it every single morning when I'm serving breakfast and I get angry. I start my day off angry every morning because he can't just wash a fucking table.

7. I am annoyed at Batman for shedding. I brush his ass every day and still he leaves me giant tufts of fur on the carpet. This means I get to vacuum every day. Since having new carpet, post coming soon I promise, I realize how big our rooms really are and my arm is sore from vacuuming. The novelty of seeing vacuum marks in the carpet has worn off and I no longer wish to have this much carpet. Except when I'm barefoot, I appreciate it's softness and squishiness.

8. I wish they made kid muzzles. Today was a day I would have liked to have the option of kid muzzles because Jackson and Olivia were yelling at each other which then escalated to hitting and pushing and trashing their rooms over... wait for it.... who has nicer mini blinds. Seriously? They both have the same and now they are both off their windows because I can't handle another hour of that. Muzzles would have been awesome around 3:45 today.

9. Olivia needs to sleep. Her getting up every 30 minutes beginning at midnight is for the god damn birds. She's scared of everything, she's bored, she's not tired, she's lonely, she has questions, etc. If I can't get a solid night of sleep soon I shouldn't be trusted with any kind of utensil because I can't promise I won't try to harm myself. Between her getting up, the cats knocking things over and breaking things, and Matt snoring I feel like this is like Survivor: Parenthood Edition. I can't do it man. I can't do it.

10. I was having a conversation with a bunch of moms yesterday about play dates, parties, and other kids stuff and I am appalled at how nonchalant people are about letting their kids go places unsupervised. I know I mentioned I will automatically label you as a lazy and terrible parent if you just drop your kid off at a birthday party, but I will do that as well if you just let your kid get into a car with a stranger. The thought of letting my kid walk home from school alone terrifies me- I live in a city where we have a lot of registered sex offenders and any one of them could snatch her up and I would never know. And you don't know what kind of parent other people are- I would never just leave my kid at someone's house unless I really knew those parents well and have hung out with them and really trusted them. Absolutely no way in hell would I just leave my kids unattended. Yet parents don't seem to care and just let their kids go willy nilly wherever. Terrifying.

OK. I have more, but I'm tired and I still have to make the cake for Jackson's home party tomorrow. On the kids' actual birthday I make a cake for after their special dinner and we do a little special family celebration. Jackson's special dinner request was hot dogs, bow tie noodles, spicy Doritos and root beer. Yeah, doesn't that sound divine? *gag* I just hope nobody gets the stomach bug I had last week because that would be maybe the worst puke to clean up ever.


Life Love & High Heels said...

Oh my Sara...... You let it alllllll out sistah. We are here to listen. Feel free to run away to my place anytime!

Ps- tell jack I love his bday meal :) at least to the hotdogs & Doritos ;) haha

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

1. Yes. I feel like my whole life is being taken advantage of lately.
2. Although I do like being in charge, I run into this problem as well. I don't have time for it.
3. Oh mannnnn. I feel the same way you do. If I wasn't still covered by my parent's insurance (yay Obamacare until you're 26!), I wouldn't qualify for healthcare because of a crazy rare preexisting condition that I have.
4. I heard something on the radio this morning about our education system being antiquated... and I couldn't agree more.
5. Poop nazi. Love it. I call myself the grammar nazi.
6. Andy just leaves dishes all over the counter and leaves the room. WTF DUDE.
7. Andy told me I need to brush the cats more. They don't shed that much, but if it really bothers them HE should brush the effing cats.
8. I could have used a kid muzzle at Whole Foods last weekend. The kid behind us was screaming his head off and the parents didn't care at all.
9. Insomnia is a bitch. Especially when it's your kid.
10.There was a super scary incident at a park by my parents house this summer with unsupervised children. Let's just say my future kids will never be unsupervised.

Anonymous said...

Really really funny. Isn't it amazing what kids are willing to fight over? Oh, and thank you for shaming me into not pushing crumbs off of the counter onto the floor. I totally do that. I will stop, promise!

Stephie @ Our Marriage Adventure said...

Oh god. I want a bitch-fest so bad. I need one so bad. This may inspire one on the website because seriously - husband = bitchfest lately.


Julie H said...

1. just say no :)
2. tell them you can't take over, see 1.
3. I hear ya sister! Something has got to change.
4. my oldest is going to college soon. $100 just to say you are going? I can see the $$ adding up.
5. TG never had to deal with that. Maybe they need more fruit?
6. We never eat at the table anymore.
7. We have hair everywhere too. At least you are getting a good workout with the vacuum.
8. I was telling Trevor yesterday to just try to be quiet for a couple minutes so I could think. Didn't really work.
9. earplugs?
10. The way I look at this is that my mom never went to people's houses when I was a kid. Nothing ever happened. I walked to school, I walked home. Nothing ever happened. Sure sometimes things do happen but you can trip over your own feet and break your arm too.

Anonymous said...

Girl, you are SO spot on with politics and the clear divided line between middle class and upper class. I never understand how middle & lower class citizens even consider conservatism a logical viewpoint. All I know is without my MinnesotaCare, I probably would have died by now. Everyone needs affordable healthcare & I'm proud to vote for Obama who believe the same thing.

And, to get off politics, Andy doesn't do anything unless he's asked so I ask him daily to do things until he does it out of habit. One slip and my eyes turn red with rage...based on his fear of my anger he doesn't slip up often :)

Ruth said...

For #10, ever since my daughter was little other kids would just ask if she wanted to spend the night or do this or that. Never a word from the parents. When I was a kid, everything went through the parents.