Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Sara's 98 cents about the news and other random things that are making me stabby.

OK, now before I get into this post I will say that I have spent a lot of time on different websites recently just reading random things because I was bored and couldn't sleep. Some of it is old, some new, some you probably don't even care about but here we go:

1. Lindsey Lohan and her mom. Seriously, the fact that Lindsey hasn't gone the route of Britney Spears is seriously a miracle because she clearly has crack head parents. When you have a dad like Michael Lohan, and you ask him to record your phone call, then you need to just assume he will release that call for money. And then if you have a mom like Dina who will go onto the Dr. Phil show high as a fucking kite, then you need to make sure she doesn't drink wine and do some cocaine. It's probably a terrible combination.

2. Taylor Swift. Is it just me, or do you think she's probably a crazy, boyfriend stalking slut? Because I know she plays this good girl image up and looks all cute and polite and genuinely dumbfounded when she wins awards but I really think she's probably a mentally deranged slutty pants. I know if I were dating a Kennedy I'd be thrilled, but if you have an obsession with all things Kennedy? Best to keep that shiz under wraps because it's kind of awkward. And I'm sorry, but her writing songs abut exboyfriends? I'll admit they are catchy and I'll sing a long, but it gets old. Especially when you keep writing about John Mayer. Seriously, we get it. He's a douchebag- but everyone knows that. Guys like that and you go in knowing you'll be used and discarded. Honestly.

3. My mom told me she believes Paul Ryan looks like Gilligan and now I can't look at him without thinking he's Gilligan.

4. Jerry Sandusky's wife. Can I just say that I think his wife should be in prison? Because as my mom pointed out, I don't care how big your house is- if you have boys screaming for help because they are being raped? You're going to hear something. And to turn a deaf ear to that is just as bad as the rape itself.

5. The Jennifer Livingston fat TV anchor. Over her. Honestly, she is overweight. If you are overweight, you probably shouldn't be talking about healthy lifestyles. I mean, sure- the guy was a dickhead to legit write an email to her about being fat but come on. Time to get over it. And if I hear the "I have thyroid problems" for another overweight person I might scream. Honestly. I have an addiction to ice cream, pizza and french fries. I at least own it.

6. The trains by my house. I'd like to know why the trains that go past my house literally have to blare their train horns for 7 minutes straight every morning between 1 and 2 am. Honestly, if there is a deer on the track, just hit it. If it's a drunk driver napping, just him them- they're probably repeat offenders anyways. No need to drive me to the brink of insanity every single night.

7. If you are terrified to drive? You need to get the fuck off the road. I respect my elders and all that snazz, but if you are 90, barely able to see over the steering wheel, taking out pedestrian crossing signs in the median and doing 15 in a 35? I'm going to say bad words at you and maybe give you an obscene gesture. I don't discriminate on age- I would do this to anyone. And don't give me the finger when the cone you hit causes me to drive on the side where all the road garbage ends up- you're the asshole here, not me.

8. And then if you are a pedestrian, I will totally stop for you. But pick up the pace homie. Now is not the time to joke around, text, or basically be the slowest fuck ever.
Is it wrong to want to honk to scare them across as well?

9. Matt saw something on the news about a zumba instructor really running a brothel. I told him I have zumba tomorrow and he legit gave me a weird look.

10. Oh- and we are approved for our car loan! Tomorrow we sign the purchase agreement, get the loan check, and then my vehicle gets ordered. What? Oh yes, it's coming from Chicago and guess what else I'll have? A REMOTE STARTER. I didn't even ask Matt about that, he did it on his own. And then said he thought it was maybe BJ worthy. And oh did I laugh. Not quite, pumpkin. Gift exchanging holidays and significant birthdays only babycakes.


Unknown said...

OOoooh burn!!!!! Dang girl! I guess he knew what he was getting himself into, right???

Anonymous said...

OMG!! So excited about you getting your new SUV!! Welcome to the world of the cool non-van drivers.

And seriously? I needed that laugh (your post was funny as fuck)....

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Remote start woooooooo! I am so jealous. Also, I think Taylor Swift is one of those girls that thinks you're in a relationship when you're really not and then she gets all butt hurt when you tell her you're breaking up with her even though there is no relationship to break up.

Ang said...

Amen to pretty much all of it...

I see you've "legit" picked up a new word :)

kimberrleigh said...

I've lived within a 5 mile radius of trains my whole life. At this point, the ridiculous blaring of horns is burned into my brain. I've also lived within 30 miles of airports my whole life. There have been countless times I thought I was going to die because that damn plane was like 4 feet from my roof.

HELL YES FOR REMOTE STARTER. I don't think Matt deserves a BJ for that, but maybe give him one weekend off from projects. Which for a dude, that should mean the same thing. But no physical effort done by you. :P

carelessly graceful

Lin said...

Important thing first: Congratulations on your new car! Once you've had a remote starter you're life will NEVER be the same again. I love mine.

Taylor Swift is totally a psycho stalker, only she does it through the media & her shitty songs. Dude, that thyroid condition excuse is complete bullshit. I mean, yes, you can gain weight but you can fight it some with exercise & eating right...I know first hand.

Julie H said...

Had to laugh at a few of these lol.

1. Lindsey is a mess still isn't she? I quit reading Perez because it was making me feel trashy lol.

2. Taylor. I'm thinking she really is probably a big beotch but I love her songs lol.

3. No idea who Paul Ryan is.

4. That guy sure was a sick fuck. I don't understand how ANYONE could ever turn a blind eye to that.

5. I just saw that video on a blog yesterday. $5 says she loses weight in the next year.

6. I think there is a law they have to toot the horn in an intersection. Maybe yours really likes to lay on it though lol.

7. OMG my inlaws are 80 something. MIL has given up driving. We're going to have to sedate my FIL to get the keys from him. He's SCARY.

8. That drives me nuts too. Really just hurry the fuck up! And people that act like they don't see you driving behind them just drive me crazy.

9. Hmmm brings new meaning to exercise eh?

10. Yeah for new cars!!

middle child said...

#7? Yeah, there is totally something going on with drivers this week. Only my problems have not been with older drivers but with drivers, another country. And I actually did give the one the finger after she tried to cut me off while blowing her horn. I probably do that once every 5 years.

#10? Well for a new vehicle I would not only give Hunter a BJ but also a few of his hunting buddies. ESPECIALLY JEFF!!!!!!

Unknown said...

I really like a lot of Taylor Swift's music but she really should stop writing songs about John Mayer. If he really is the kind of guy she describes, then he just enjoys the attention she keeps giving him.
Also, I feel like if I were a guy, I would totally be scared to date her now. I'd always be wondering what she would sing about after any little fight.

jacquie said...

Have a question for MomTaxi...HOW can you not know know who Paul Ryan is? We're in grave times here... politically that is :) Everybody needs to be informed even a little. And Sara...LOVE the train tracks! HYSTERICAL! Keep it up girl!

____j said...

I LOVE IT! I'm so freaking excited for you! Hopefully within the next few years I'll be able to upgrade to an SUV or atleast a crossover.