Monday, November 5, 2012

I'm not a canner but I do have a jiggly ass.

A fun fact about me is that sometimes I get this idea in my head and I feel like I'm going to be epic at it and I'm going to love it and then as it turns out, I really fucking hate it and question why people pass up $.50 cans of lemon curd over making it because lemon curd fucking sucks to make.

And that is how my Saturday was.

A few weeks ago a friend from high school and I signed up for this Continuing Education class called "Gifts From The Kitchen". Basically we were going to learn how to can things that you can give as gifts and end up taking a bunch of stuff home. Neither of us have either canned anything so this was going to be us popping our canning cherry. Except I will say that for awhile there I really thought I'd be this die hard canner because I kind of like the jars and I like having fun kitchen toys so I bought this whole canning-for-dummies kit and a book and yeah. I did nothing. I really felt like I had to have someone walk me through it.


So we went and it was a ton of fun. We made lime curd (which was supposed to be lemon but nobody else did lime so the badasses that we are decided WE would take on lime.), a chocolate-raspberry sauce and we were supposed to get a chance to make this strawberry-cranberry jam, but we didn't. Mostly because as it turns out, we are curd challenged.

I think my problem was that my skills are not in separating egg whites from the yolk. No amount of Food Network programming can really teach you that. Giada does it better than I could WITH manicured nails. I think I suck because I feel like I am playing with a dead baby chicken and it feels wrong.

 I think we were also kind of sabotaged by our kitchen mates. We thought since they were doing lemon curd that we could share the big responsibilities like washing the jars and then someone start the water, etc. We did our part and then they left us high and dry. Whores. And the instructions weren't super clear either so that wasn't helpful. Who knew that making curd requires a LOT of stirring? Well maybe we would have if the instructor wasn't babysitting our neighbors and THEIR curd.

I had curd jealousy.

But then we finished ours and it kind of looks like we blended Kermit.
 So I didn't take any more pictures of the class but I am telling you that I will probably never can again. First off, standing over boiling water is for the fucking birds. Second, it's just cheaper to buy canned goods. Third, by buying canned goods I'm keeping someone in a job. And that's patriotic.

But now I'm on a quest to find more classes to take that aren't super expensive.

But a few of you have asked me if I'm still trying to lose weight, going to Zumba, blah blah blah. Yes. Yes to all of it, including the blah blah blah. But I bought these new spandex pants (I know) from Old Navy on clearance because I sweat a LOT in Zumba so the sweatpants weren't doing it.
They are super comfy and I kind of wish it were appropriate to wear them everywhere because lo- they are comfy. Sadly, spandex isn't in for every day wear so I will wait for that. But in the meantime, my legs look effing awesome. Look at those calves! And my ass! It's still very bubble but that's OK. I just need to work on my top half and we're good. I also want to note that my thighs? Much less jiggly. Yay for Zumba! But these are going to be really good running pants in the summer so that's exciting. AND I bought a size large.

Let that sink in.

They are only a size large. *squee*

Tomorrow- we'll talk miracles and closet doors. Which may or may not be the same thing, equally exciting nonetheless.


allena said...

It was still a good time hanging out with you & I can't wait to take another class with you! It's a good thing we're amazing, those biotches can suck it. :)

♥ Drazil ♥ said...

Super cute pic! You look great!

Shooting Stars Mag said...

Oh, you do look good in the spandex. I don't think I can pull that off at the moment. I'm thinking of joining a gym soon with my sister. Been a long time coming, but I need something to motivate me, especially with all the other crap I have going on. LOL

Sorry the canning class sucked, but hey, at least you tried! I think i'd rather buy canned goods too, though I DO like making certain things. DIY can be fun.


Jennifer Kay said...

I really need a recorded squee so I know exactly what it sounds it the Geico pig?

Enough with the spandex pants posts becuase I will want to dry hump your less jiggly leg.

kimberrleigh said...

I try to never do something someone else can do for the mere fact I'm keeping them employed. Also, I'm lazy.

Working out is a bitch. I'm thourghly convinced I have some sort of medical problem because I ran a 5-fucking-k, lift weights 3 times a week and do cardio 4 days a week... and I still haven't lost weight.
And my diet is amazing. I eat veggies like a mad woman. This exercise/weight loss stuff is shit.

carelessly graceful

Lin said...

I always thought canning sounded like so much fun. Particularly because my MIL & SIL do it all the damn time & they're great at it. I however am no good at anything crafty. I once tried glass etching, you know the simple act of brushing acid onto glass & creating art? Yeah, that was a fucking fail. Bummer.

Oh well, at least your hot ass is now in a size large :) Go you!

Unknown said...

your comment on blending kermit would have made me do a spit shot if I had been drinking water at the time. So funny. As far as the egg separating, I find the easiest thing is to break the egg in half, then pour the yolk into the other half to let the whites run into a bowl--it usually takes twice to make this happen. I've never had a problem doing this.
I haven't made curd because holy fuck it's crappy for you. I hate canning. I just remember sweating my ass off and having my mom swear at me as a teenager. I haven't done it in a decade...I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that.

Unknown said...

you're looking good btw:). I wish I'd get my ass in gear. I've got a month left in my weight loss challenge and i've lost a paltry 10lbs. On top of that, my fat stomach makes me look like I haven't lost jack. Sigh...
Maybe I should get a gym membership and consider actually working out. I miss the warm weather

Julie H said...

LOL you crack me up with your curd haha. My friend is into canning. I just give the stuff to her to can ;)

I need more work out shorts/pants. I'm currently stealing my 9 year old's shorts!

Ruth said...

I confess, I am a canner.
But, I can what I grow or what is given to me.