Sunday, November 25, 2012

So yeah, there was a holiday and shit.

Good grief, it feels like I've been away for weeks. Possibly months. But no, it's only been a few days but oh busy they were. Here's what I've been doing since I haven't been here:

  • We had Thanksgiving. It was alright, nothing special, but we got through it, we ate, we cleaned, and then I sent the kids to bed. 
  • Then I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and subsequently peed on it because I couldn't hold my pee for another two seconds. The phone still works but it's way slow and I keep getting bizarre error messages. 
  • Basically so I could go shopping for pre-Black Friday on Thursday. Target opened at 9, I was there at 6. 
  • I learned that when you live in say, northern Wisconsin, it's mandatory to have proper winter gear. You'd think knowing I've lived in Minnesota/Wisconsin since I was nine I would recognize this. But you'd be wrong because I hate wearing heavy jackets and hats and boots and all that shit because it's just a lot of work. And I hate shopping in stores and getting all sweaty. But thankfully I wasn't a total fucking moron and I wore the lame excuse of a jacket to stand in line for three hours. Have I not mentioned that it was a rain/snow mix? And I stood in that for THREE HOURS and thought I was going to die of hypothermia? Because that happened as well. 
  • But I didn't die, and I got Matt the gift he wanted and doesn't know that unlike him, I pay attention when someone says they want something over and over again. And then I got some cool stuff for the kids and was in/out of the store in thirteen minutes. 
  • I had to go home though because my pants were soaking wet as was everything else on me and I did a total wardrobe change and drove 20 mph over the snow and ice covered freeway and bridge over Lake Superior to get my ass to Kohl's. 
  • Which I did and was basically the only car on the road because I love me a bargain. 
  • But when I got there, I decided that the fleece thing I was calling a jacket at this point would not do much for me standing in the rain/snow for another two hours. So I waited in my car, ate some candy bars and silently cursing myself for forgetting my water at home. 
  • And then it was midnight and I hustled my ass into the store, around the store, and out of the store in 19 minutes. 
  • It was then that I wondered if there is that supermarket game anymore because I would probably win. 
  • Then I went to the mall and got some damn good deals at Bath & Body Works, gave the finger to the gross line in Victoria's Secret and saw someone get punched at Old Navy for a shitty $5 sweatshirt. 
  • But when I saw that JCPenney wasn't opening until 6 I got angry and then realized I was exhausted so I drove home with my bags of awesomeness. 
  • I went to bed at 2am. 
  • Then I woke up at 8:30 and decided by god, we're all going to JCPenney and Home Depot to get the last of the gifts I need! 
  • Only to realize once we got there that what I need from JCPenney is gone! BITCHES. 
  • So I go to Home Depot and to make up for this, I buy my dad's gift as well as a light up pig for my yard. All is right again. 
  • Then we go home and I shop online. 
  • Only to realize I can get my brother's gift at Kohl's. So I open a Kohl's charge to get 30% off. Obviously. 
  • But then my printer hates me, doesn't print out my temporary card number, and the phone people are not helpful. They tell me to go to Kohl's. So, at 10pm.... 
  • I drive to Kohl's. This will mark my third trip in two days. They welcome me back AND have the item I needed. Plus eight others because they were on sale, I was tired, and I have a charge account! 
  • I get home and start wrapping. Oh but wait! I'm out of fucking gift tags. HOW AM I OUT OF GIFT TAGS??
  • Decide to say fuck it and went to bed. 
  • Today? Making Christmas cards. Run out of glue. Feel not normal amounts of rage over my lack of adhesive products. Cats look scared. Jackson tells me I should maybe take a nap. 
Oh, and in between all of this? I'm still dealing with poop. Olivia is still not cleaned out but her poop is now a weird orange/light brown color and the consistency of watered down oatmeal. It kind of looks like cat barf and honestly at this point I don't know what to think about any of it. 


Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

I went to IKEA on Black Friday. Best AND worst decision I have ever made.

Lin said...

Holy shit, I'm exhausted just reading all the stuff you did. Wow. I take it those chocolate bars worked when you needed that second or third wind huh? haha

I'm so jealous that you have like all of your gift shopping done. Sadly, I have like one gift crossed off my list...only 15 more to go :(

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Damn! That is some shopping! I spent Black Friday on the phone with Game Stop (32 minutes on hold plus another 25 to place the order because their system had ground to a near halt) because their website sucks ass & won't let me order anything & the local store didn't have what I wanted in stock & Target had sold out of them in like 5 seconds (I sent a scout, a friend who was going anyway said she'd get the stuff for me but it was gone before she got to the electronics department). And then after ordering the item & gettin flustered over shipping I realized after I hung up I forgot to order the OTHER item and spent another hour (yes 65 fucking minutes) on hold to order it.
Seriously, I should have just gone to Target myself and elbowed everyone out of the way while dashing to the electronics department.
Glad you got all your shopping done!

Gini said...

FACK. You are an amazing woman, Sara. That is all.

Anonymous said...

Girlfriend, I have to give you mad ass props for a) going shopping after Thanksgiving and b) being so fucking efficient. You rocked out with your cock out.

I can't do the day after shopping thing. I spend that Friday making my list and checking it twice. Then I spend all day on Sunday researching the cheapest prices and then order everything on Cyber Monday.

I have everything except a few small last minute things to get.

But I can't do the day after thanksgiving dealy because the last time I did that I had a panic attack in the middle of Best Buy and started ramming into people with my cart. Then I called the cashier a cunt and screamed at a lady in the parking lot for stopping IN FRONT of my car to get my parking space.

Yeah, it was a nasty scene.

Ruth said...

I stay away from the stores as much as possible this time of year.
As I write this, I realize I have to take my daughter to the mall Thursday to get her ears pierced. Lovely.
Poor Olivia. I hope things get better soon.