Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Swap and Christmas Prep

OK, so before I get into the post I will answer a question I got SEVENTEEN times today. 17, hookers.

Sara, why the fuck are you still mailing Christmas cards? Are you really 80 years old and wearing a diaper??

No, lambwhore. I'm not 80 and I don't wear a diaper, but I am a proud Christmas card sender. Why? Because I feel like society as a whole are lazy, inconsiderate, impatient, and ungrateful. That's just a fact. And I feel like if you can't even get your shit together to send Christmas cards to a few people once a year you are a selfish asshole. That's right. I'm most likely calling you a selfish asshole.

Sure, it costs a lot in stamps. Sure, I make it harder on myself because I hand make mine. And then I spend a whopping 20 minutes typing up a little brochure and inserting pictures to share with you all what we did this year, how awesome my kids are, and some highlights you probably missed. I can't afford to buy a gift for everyone but the fact you get a card from me? Feel special. Seriously. I limit my list to 100 of my nearest and dearest, and if you bitch about it hardcore, I'll send you one too.

All year long all we get in the mail are bills, magazines we don't remember subscribing to, and shit that doesn't even belong to us but if you have a drunken mail person like I do, you get it anyways. Is it going to kill you to send a Christmas card and maybe make someone's day?

Every year I get less and less cards and that's bullshit. I hate how lazy people are. And don't give me your stupid ecard shit. That's like sending me a Facebook message and that is bullshit. I also feel like photo cards are just a bare minimum because literally  no effort goes into that. No personal note, nothing. Lame as shit.


So I signed up for a Christmas swap over at Linny's Vault and YAY. I get the best swap people EVER over there. Seriously. I'm a lucky lady. This time I got Tamara and she is like the Texan version of me. Quite frankly, I don't know how this country can handle two of us. We could run for office and we'd get shit done. I forgot to take a picture of what I sent her but she got a pretty kick ass package. Plus, I ate some of it and then had to replace it. *burp*

But here's what I got!
 I got some hand towels, puffy paint, a picture frame, a new massager (which mine literally just broke so YAY) and a shirt from Vegas. Which, ended up being a win because when Matt and I went to Vegas he said I couldn't get a shirt because we were being frugal. Well now I have one, he doesn't, so there. So THANK YOU, Tamara. I hope someday we can sit in jail and do our nails for being pig haters. Because that would be kind of awesome.

But it's Christmas and my house is ready. We put our tree up the day after Thanksgiving and as tradition, we watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas because I love that movie.
 My collection of snowmen get themselves out. Matt says I need to cut back because I had a legit snowman problem, but this is all I have so the ban on buying snowmen is officially over so says I.
 Olivia thinks my ornaments in the table vase look like snowballs, so the snowmen place mats are out.
 We went to Bentleyville. Did we go on one of the 7 warm nights? Oh of course we didn't because again, we are morons. Nope. We go on a cold night and I froze my thighs and ass off. You know when you no longer feel your thighs you have a problem.
 We saw Rudolph and Jackson was impressed that his nose for real lights up.
 We saw Santa where Olivia asked for a Barbie Dream House and Jackson wants a puppy. Both are things that I cannot afford. I might get crazy and the Dream House because if I hear about it one more time I might go crazy. I can't do the dog. I want one, I think Jackson would be the happiest boy ever, but winter in Wisconsin is not when you want to be potty training a dog and walking it.
 We made our Santa letters and Jackson refused to cooperate with a picture.
 And because his handwriting isn't great yet, I wrote out what he's asked for. And he signed his name just in case Santa isn't 100% sure which Jackson is asking for these things.
 Olivia is all about Santa letters.
She is big on phonetic spelling so sound out the words.

But I'm set for Christmas. I have everything done present wise, I just need to go grocery shopping for food. I'm pretty damned excited- my kids are at a super fun age where they still have Santa alive in their hearts and eagerly wait to see where our Elf on the Shelf will be the next day and are counting down the days until Santa visits.

Tomorrow I'll post my recipe for Ghetto Easy, Fucking Delicious Truffles and maybe my Caramel Sauce recipe. Both delicious, both awesome, both make good gifts for your neighbors. Because you know I give gifts to the neighbors.


allena said...

am I close enough of a neighbor to get some kick ass truffles? okay, 6 blocks is a little far I guess. Maybe a swap then? I'm going to be making my chocolate/peppermint cake balls tomorrow. And they are Amazing. By the way, I would love to hang with you again soon.

Yesi @ Plan With Yesii said...

Ok so i literally just spent 3 seconds reading the first sentances and I immediately knew that I had to follow you! Lambwhore?! Now that is hilarious! The messager? Best gift by far that I have seen! Lol Happy Holidays hun <3

Dana said...

Tell us how you really feel about Christmas cards! You didn't even cover the fact that you are wasting more trees by sending those cards. ;)
I wonder if your fab truffles are the ones I made this weekend? Cream cheese and crushed oreos anyone? I still have yet to make it to Bentleyville. Maybe next year.

Lin said...

I couldnt agree with you more about the Christmas cards. It's hella expensive to mail out cards now a days but it's totally worth it when you get that 'thank you'. Speaking of expensive, did you hear the stupid price of stamps is going up in 2013? Total bull.

That frame & t-shirt are totally cute. Ive been to Vegas like a zillion times & you know, I've never once bought a kick ass tshirt. This must change asap.

Julie H said...

I used to do cards. Then photo cards. This year? Nothing. I barely have time to shop let alone do cards. If anyone wants to know what we are doing they can go read my Facebook/Blog/Instagram ;)

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

I sent Christmas cards out this year for the first time. It was oddly satisfying.

Unknown said...

Okay, I did ask why you were mailing Christmas cards, but not b/c I don't like the idea but b/c I don't get people who stress the FUCK out of themselves over something. It's not worth it if you lose your sanity over it. As far as the money for postage, I totally love supporting the postal system lol.

Ang said...

I love the Christmas card... you're writing in crazy nice... and for doing a bunch of cards, I can't believe you stick with it! Good for you! It's a wonderful thing to do!

Josie said...

I think you definitely need more snowmen. My mom has a snowman/Santa collection and I think it totals somewhere around 40...and for some reason I always get roped into setting it up.

Ruth said...

I actually got 2 cards this year. One was from my mom. The other was a picture card, but she put it in an envelope with a Christmas letter so it counts to me.
I was going to hand out my home baked gifts this week, but that's to blizzards it has been postponed.

Gini said...

Did I ever tell you that I used to have a holiday job walking around downtown in a Rudolph costume? It was one of those full-body jobs with hooves and a blinky nose and everything. $10 an hour to a poor college student-- it was awesome. I have pictures somewhere...