Friday, January 25, 2013

Dear Sara. And some back at you.

Raise your hand if you miss Dear Sara? OK, raise your other hand if you want me to ask you some super offensive questions because I genuinely don't know the answers to?

Now wave 'em like you just don't care because here we go, lambwhores.

1. Dear Sara- Why haven't you gone to any concerts? I feel like it's not even a competition between us anymore. Slacker. Fuck you, OK. There hasn't been shit around here. Maybe if I lived in a big city like YOU and didn't have kids and could be all willy nilly, I'd be be a groupie and banging band guys. But no. I have a cloud of responsibility and not going to lie, the speeding ticket did me no favors with Matt. But fear not bitch, I have THREE lined up so far before the end of April. Rhianna, Fleetwood Mac, and Airborne Toxic Event. Check mate, hooker.

2. Dear Sara- How did you get started doing book reviews? Literally, it was total accident.  Honestly I think it was several things all at once that kind of helped. First off, I reviewed a super duper awesome book called The Leisure Seeker solely because I loved the cover. It's my dream to someday be an old person riding around in an RV. For no reason. Anyways. So I reviewed it and then raved about and yeah. (Seriously, read that book because it totally changed my perspective on aging and dying.) Later on, I got an email from someone from the publishing house the book came from who said they loved that I loved it and sent me an entire box of books for being awesome. Then I reviewed all of those which were AMAZING and seriously, those people were just really fucking nice. Then I somehow connected with TLC Book Tours and they eventually contacted me. And the two gals I work with there crack me the hell up and are awesome and wonderful and someday I hope we can have lunch or something. I love them long time. And from there, I get contacted by all kinds of review companies, publishers, authors, etc looking to have their stuff advertised and reviewed. Word of mouth is everything and I'm happy to do it. Maybe someday I'll be an author too and I'll be looking for publicity, so whatever I can do. But I think what I have is that I'm brutally honest. If it sucks, I'm going to let you know. If it's awesome, I'll let you know. But I try not to be mean because even if I hate it, you might love it and tell me I'm an asshole. And that's OK.

3. Dear Sara- have you ever considered reviewing sex toys? I mean, I guess? I don't know. Do people really want to hear about my sexy times and how loud that vibrator was? I mean, I would if I was asked. I am pretty adventurous and lord knows I can't recommend Ben Wa balls enough (buy them now), so I guess I would.

4. Dear Sara- why are women so catty? I'll tell you why: insecurities. I'd say almost all of  us have some kind of insecurity that makes us compare ourselves to someone else. We might not do it consciously, but we do it, and it makes us say and do bad things. I don't care who you are, we all feel a surge of jealously when someone has something we don't. How we act and what we do about it are totally controllable. The real question, is why are people so fucking crazy? I'd like to know why when you talk to someone you get one answer but two days later they totally deny it and say something else? Get yourself on medication, crazy pants. Women are bitches and that's just a fact.

But here's some questions for you. I've had several conversations about these things with some friends so it's not just me being an insensitive asshole. If four of us are thinking it, there are probably thousands just like us. So if you know the answers, feel free to comment and enlighten us all.

1. What I always wonder about are girls who date girls who turn into guys..does that make then straight now?? And men who date women who go man, are they gay now?

2. Why do lesbians use a vibrator? Why not just have sex with a real penis? I mean, some guys have boobs so it would be kind of the best of both worlds?

BAM. Riddle me that, lambwhores. Riddle me that. 

Do you have questions from the universe that you don't understand? Send me an email at sarastrand9438 AT hotmail DOT com and maybe you'll get featured. At the bare minimum I'll send you an email reply. 


Ryan Adair said...


Shooting Stars Mag said...

Interesting to hear how you started reviewing books. i can't remember how I started, to be honest. I guess I saw other blogs do it and figured why not? My blog used to be about music for the most part, starting out.

Josie said...

I've been wondering the same things that you have!!! Also...I saw these people on tv the other day. The husband was gay, the wife was straight. They got married knowing this. She says the sex is great, I missed what he said about it. So wouldn't he be bisexual??? Because how is he giving her this great sex if he supposedly isn't turned on by women?

Melodie Campbell said...

You are hilarious! Why the poop didn't I come across you before? Love your voice.

Gini said...

I used to read a blog by a chick who reviewed toys from Babeland. I bet you could get into that, you're funnier than she was.