Sunday, February 24, 2013

Because I don't do enough, I am now a soccer mom.

I know, lambwhores. I KNOW. I do too much, I take on too much, and I'm a crazy loon.

All things that I know.

But I also know that my kids are at the age where they are trying to figure out what it is they like. What they will maybe really love someday. I also kind of feel like it's my job to give them opportunities to figure that out to the best of my ability. This season it just happens to be soccer. And I've also decided I don't know how any family pays for multiple children to be in sports because holy mother fuck does it add up.

I have a few pictures from first real day of practice, but before I do that, let me share with you the cluster fuck this really is and how it's really all Matt's fault.

Because you know I wouldn't have done this had I been in charge. Which, my dear lambs, is why I just do it all myself. Because I end up feeling stabby as I sit on a cold gymnasium floor for three hours every Saturday for seven weeks.

I sent Matt to the YMCA to sign the kids up for youth indoor soccer. I asked that he get information because the flyer didn't really have much, and I asked that if the kids would be at the same time or not. If NOT, then only sign Olivia up. If yes, sign them both up. Easy, right? No. Apparently I speak a foreign language only I understand.

Because when I go to the meet and greet, after Matt tells me that yes! They'll both be on the same team and YES! They will play at the same time. Weird considering they are 7 and 4, two totally different ages and comprehension levels but he assures me they are breaking kids up by school. Which, weird? I didn't think it was done that way but what the fuck do I know? I'm a soccer mom virgin.

As it turns out, he was wrong and I was right. They aren't on the same team. Nope. Jackson is with the 4K-K kids and Olivia is with the grades 1-2 kids. OBVIOUSLY.

They aren't even playing at the same time. Not even back to back. No. Jackson plays from 9-10 (usually), and then Olivia plays 11-12. There is only one week in which they will be back to back. Then the meet and greet was so disorganized and they wanted me to meet with both coaches at the same time which was logistically impossible because of course one is in the gym and one is down the hall. So I'm running back and forth making sure I sign rules of conduct and trying to get the team shirt thing figured out.

Then I realized that they are handing Olivia stuff for the 4K team and Jackson's team has information about the 1-2 teams and yeah. Cluster fuck is the most appropriate adjective to use here. And I'm sorry, but how hard is your job? You can't tell me that this is the best way to run this. I get you have parents volunteering to be coaches, but you can't make them come an hour earlier to explain stuff to them before, give them their paperwork and make sure it's correct? No. Apparently not.

Then, let me tell you about picture day, which was yesterday. Not only were they running way behind by the time I got there for our 9:20 pictures for Jackson, but it was incredibly disorganized. First off, people are just standing around, down in the picture area and they aren't supposed to be there, nobody is really in charge, parents can't even remember to bring their fucking form (oh how I have a hard time with people who can't manage to hang onto a piece of god damn paper for two weeks. That's it, folks- two weeks. That is why they invented magnets and our fridges are magnetic, morons.)


I'm just saying when you tell me to get my son, who's on the gold team, downstairs, and then when I'm there- tell me that instead the red team will get theirs done instead and I should check back?

Pretty sure that's why they have a code of conduct form. Because I wanted to beat that person with their clipboard and shove a pen in his ass. That's how I was feeling. I also didn't get breakfast so it could have been low blood sugar.

But you want to see my kids in action, right?

 So there's Jackson, the shortest on his team. But he is freaking adorable who keeps saying, "Hi, Coach!" every few minutes. I'm sure that dad is sick of my kid.
And Jackson doesn't actually want to play. No, he has taken to break dancing when he should be blocking balls and such.
Or shaking his booty against the goal. 
I don't know what he's doing there, but he does it a lot.
 Oh wait, he ran this one time.
 Or and he likes to "dribble" the ball though he isn't very good at it.

Olivia on the other hand has a better concept of what to do during practice.
 She throws it overhand pretty well..

 she can dribble the ball..
but when it comes to actual game play, she basically just stands there. Or runs behind kids so it looks like she's doing something.

It's going to be a long seven weeks, homies.

Oh, and they start swimming on Monday. Because I'm clearly insane.


ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Repeat after me "One activity per semester. One activity per semester. And if it can be the same activity for both children, then so much the better."

I had the opposite problem from you last fall with football. I didn't believe the organizers when they said the boys would be on the same team & all teams practice at the same time anyway. Because I am deeply suspicious of thing that work out the way I want them to & just couldn't see how they could have 3 different ages & teams practice at the same time. So I only signed one of the boys up for football. Turns out they were totally right.

They go back & forth about wanting to play baseball & I know from Havoc playing last year they have 2-3 teams per age group & I think the boys will be in the same age group this year. But my luck will be that they are on different teams, even though I know they will assure me they will be on the same one. That's how they get $50 per child from you.

Unknown said...

I can't help but laugh a little. Wait until they do find something they really like. And it's not the same thing. And it's on other end of town. At the same time.

We've been doing swimming for several years now and it is very rare that they go at the same time. This session I will have the oldest 3 in lesson/practice. None of them at the same time. And swim meets, I'm not kidding you, there were a couple of 8 hour ones and each kid probably swims about 5 minutes. And it's hot. And humid.

I do think it's some pretty awesome parenting though to give them the opportunity to try different things. As hellish as that can be for you, it's a great thing! And just pray that they never ask to play hockey! :-)