Tuesday, February 5, 2013


So guess what I didn't do tonight? I did not work out. At all. Nope. Instead, I watched crime shows and ate a medium size pizza as Matt looked on horrified.

Back on the wagon for real tomorrow.

In other news, is it justifiable homicide if I kill Matt for any of the following things:

1. Leaving his dirty underwear on the floor even though I've offered blow jobs to get it in the hamper?
2. He asks if he really has to come to the family event at Olivia's school tomorrow?
3. He put my most comfy bra in the dryer so now one strap is way stretched out so my one boob is saggy?
4. He wiggles his junk in my face like I'm just going to jump at it? Because no.

The only winning thing about tonight is that A) he went to get me the pizza and B) stopped to get me Evian water. The big bottle. I'm craving it like you wouldn't believe. Not just any water, Evian water.

At least I'd make a good celebrity with my diva demands.

But guess what I'm doing Friday night? Ricky Gervais show marathon on my DVR. Oh yes.

I really wish Karl Pilkington was my real life friend. It'd be hilarious and amazing.


Tamara said...

#4. What is up with guys and doing this? My husband - all.the.fricking.time.

I'm like dude, has there ever been a time in our marriage when I've just looked over at your naked penis and been like damn, now that looks appealing? No. So stop trying.

Pizza is my workout kryptonite. I will devour a large pizza without even thinking about it. The husband knows that if he gets pizza there will be no leftovers, same deal with tacos. I love those crunchy fiestas of awesome.

Lin said...

What the hell is up with dudes always swinging their johnsons all over the place like we're gonna jump at it? Dont they know all that does is make us giggle? haha Dorks.

Dude, I just finished the latest season of Ricky Gervais' show, Idiot Abroad. Hilarious stuff.