Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Asshole Sara strikes again.

I got into a somewhat heated discussion today when I said I thought that there should be laws on the books permitting the government to take someone's kids away. And not just if you're abusing and neglecting them in all of the obvious ways, either. I firmly believe if you raise your child to be an irresponsible, ungrateful, law breaking, disrespectful piece of shit? 

You have failed as a parent. 

Kids aren't just born with these behaviors, these are learned. They learn them when you're too lazy to interact with them as infant. They learn them when you are inconsistent with discipline throughout their life. They learn them when you say one thing and do another. They learn them by modeling your behavior. They learn them when you don't take the time to sit and do homework with them every night. They learn them when you aren't encouraging them at their games (positively), going to conferences and being involved with their education, and when you don't know who their friends are. They learn them when you choose to work instead of hang out with them because golly gee you really want that new ATV that your buddies have or wouldn't a new Coach purse be nice? 

They learn them when you clearly have no interest in being a parent 24/7. It never stops, you're always worrying and hoping you are doing the right thing. 

I am, admittedly, a hard ass parent. I am hard on my kids and I have high expectations. I expect you to be respectful and well behaved whether you are with me or not. Whether you have friends around you or not. I expect you to do your school work and then your homework in a timely fashion. Use your manners and think of others. Be kind and thoughtful. Do what is expected of you at all times. 

Or else. 

My kids have known since they could comprehend my facial expressions and my words that I say what I mean and I don't fuck around. If I tell you to stop doing something, I damn well mean it. I will reprimand and discipline you if you deserve it whether your friends are there or not. But at the end of the day, my kids know I love them. I do it because they need guidance and they need structure. 

So when I hear about things like the Stubenville rape case I feel like punching these parents. Let me tell you one thing, if my parents EVER found out that I got so drunk and ended up raped? They would kick my ass first and foremost because I should know better. You don't ever, ever, EVER put yourself in a compromising situation. EVER. And if they ever found out that my brother took advantage of a girl regardless if she was drunk or not? They would kick his ass and not at all let him try to get out of it. 

I am appalled that the parents of those young men, who are caught on video taking advantage of a young lady who is clearly so out of it she couldn't possibly have consented, even tried to defend their actions. You people should be ashamed of yourself and you're just as bad as your children because your actions are victimizing that girl all over. And now this poor girl has other students taunting her because these boys are found guilty. 

Lemme tell you something. If I ever found out that my child taunted another over such a horrific incident? 

Oh, words would be had. And they would lose ever privilege they had and be on god damn lockdown. Because you do not do that. 

Those parents have clearly failed in parenting if their children lack empathy and compassion. I can't even believe parents would stand by and just say, "I can't control my kids". Are you fucking serious? Because let me tell you something, it's your JOB to control your kids. If I had to quit my job to escort them through the day like a god damn toddler in high school, you bet your ass I would. I would downsize my life in order to make sure my kid didn't act like this. 

Because at the end of the day do you know what this is? These are kids who have never had discipline, boundaries, or guidance. And it's a cry for help. Every kid will buck all of these but they need them and they know them. They want to know that you care about what they are doing and they need your approval and your help. 

You need to teach your sons that sex isn't a game and it shouldn't be done lightly. That women are people too and they need to be valued and not used. You need to teach your daughters to take some pride in themselves, and love themselves enough so they don't need the false proclamations of love from a boy who doesn't know what it even means. And we need to raise our kids so they have enough self assurance that they don't succumb to peer pressure when they get the "everyone is doing it" line. 

And you know what? I know a parent can do that because mine did. Never once in my life have I ever gotten so piss drunk that I passed out or cannot remember what I did. You know why I don't drink (aside from the fact I have alcoholism on my father's side of the family)? Because I really value being 100% in charge of myself at all times. I am never compromised and I never worry about regretting my decisions the day after. Because I have self worth and I value who I am. I care more about myself than I do of the people I'm with. If you feel uncomfortable I'm not drinking, that's on you, not me. 

So I was told I was an asshole. Which, maybe I am. But I feel like a lot of parents just don't give a damn. You're just trying to keep them alive until they are 18 and there is so much more than that to parenting. 


Life Love & High Heels said...

Yup. My parents were strict and I hated it at the time, but now, I couldn't be more thankful for their hard-ass ways. Keep it up, Sara. Screw whoever called you an asshole. Clearly they have children who just run amuck.

Unknown said...

Preach on! For as much as you and I differ on politics, we sure do agree on raising children. If you can't or don't raise your children to be decent human beings then you shouldn't have them. Plain and simple.

Ruth said...

I know a lot of parents don't give a damn.
My daughter is a teen and so many of her friends just make me sad. Their parents don't care. They let the kids do whatever they want. Stay up til all hours of the night, school next day or not.
Why have kids if you don't really want them?

kimberrleigh said...

So here's the thing - my parents beat the living daylights out of me when they found out I was "talking to" (flirting with, not sleeping with) a senior when I was a freshman. Quite literally. They removed anything fun from my life (friends, technology, etc) and I damn learned real quick that I shouldn't behave like that.
Also, even now when I'm a legal adult I still feel awkward telling my parents I drink (socially, like maybe once a week, if that) because I feel like they're disappointed in me (they aren't, they know I'm adult and I can do what I want and that I can control myself, but still).

Also, I'm pretty sure this is the reason I hate kids - because I hate their parents for raising them to be straight up asshole demons. I'm really hoping my friend who just had her baby raises this girl like you raised Olivia. I know she has it in her, but baby daddy isn't her husband (yet....) and you know how shitty that can turn real quick.

Sigh. I weep for humanity.

carelessly graceful

Tamara said...

I am appalled at the whole situation. And I agree whole-heartedly with everything you said. I can't imagine what I would do in that situation as a parent on either side of the fence...Oh wait, yes I can - I'd beat the fuck out of my son and I'd have a serious in-depth conversation with my daughter about where she failed. It's reading things like this and seeing parents reactions that make me really question how I want to raise my daughter and what I have to do to do that.
Ugh. I'm just disgusted by the whole thing.

Shooting Stars Mag said...

That whole case is insane. i can't believe the parents would try and defend their children. And that poor girl has seriously gone through enough but to have people harrassing you now because the guys who did got in trouble? Seriously, children? What is happening to society?

Kelli Hale said...

Whoo!! You go girl!! Thank you SO much for this post. I agree with you 100% and it's nice to know that while we may be in the minority responsible parents still exist. :)

Jaime Hungry said...

I agree to an extent. Yes, plenty of people suck at life and shouldn't be allowed to be parents. Yes, parenting can make or break a child. But while a misbehaved child can often reflect negligent parents, it's not always the case. Some parents DO try really hard and still have fucked up kids, just like some people are asshole parents and somehow their kids end up okay.

I don't know too many details about this case, but if the parents are advocating these boys' innocence (which I presume they are), then yes, they are absolutely in the wrong. Though based on that alone I don't know if I could say that they are unfit parents, or that they are desperately trying to do everything they can to protect their kids. Again I don't have all the facts on these people, my opinion is based on the general idea of what I know.

And no, you are not an asshole! (I hope I didn't come off as one either.)