Friday, March 22, 2013

Dirty confessions, swimming, and bug patrol.

What do all three of those things have in common? Don't be a loser- just try to guess.

Well you're wrong because of course nobody but  me would pull all three totally random things together in one post. Because it's what I do best, lovers.

Since it's spring on the calendar I have started what my family absolutely hates, spring cleaning. I am a maniac. If you leave your most favorite thing unattended somewhere it shouldn't belong it will end up in the donate or yard sale pile. Just ask my kids, this happens every year. We have a yard sale melt down because their most favorite thing is in the mass of crap I refuse to have in my house. I always joke about hoarders because the concept of hanging onto things because you might need it some day or you have some bizarre attachment to it or you just can't bring yourself to get rid of something useful is totally beyond me. I'm what I would call a purger. I can't stand clutter, everything needs to be organized or gone.

I cannot emphasize enough how I cannot handle mess. At all. Nothing. If you are a hoarder, do not invite me over if you do not want me to start throwing your stuff away. I really cannot even help myself. I'll clean people's houses and I don't even know I'm doing it.

So imagine my surprise when I was cleaning the dining room and I moved our weird hutch without a top thingie and see this:
I maybe hyperventilated. This consists of paper, cat toys, a ton of markers, crayons, pencils, cat food, a sock, and a battery. A good mom would have checked to see if the markers sill worked and put them in our marker box. Or found the match to the sock. Put the pencils in our pencil cup.

But I am not a good mom because I threw this all away. Just like that. And suddenly I once again had a clean floor under a piece of furniture that you cannot see under and all was right in the world again.

Big sigh of happy.

To the next order of business: swimming.

Fun fact, my kids cannot swim. I think swimming in lakes and rivers are dirty so I have never put my kids in water like that when they were younger and taught them to swim. I prefer pools with a shit ton of chemicals that kill kid piss germs immediately. But because we are broke all of the time, we can't afford to go to these pools and my kids let me know on the regular that all of their friends get to do these things.

Good for fucking them. Maybe they'd like to donate to the Strand Family Fun Fund because we are in the negative.

But I decided that it's abusive to not get your kid swimming lessons if you are incapable or unwilling to do it and quite frankly, I don't want them to drown on my watch on vacation sometime. So we signed both kids up and so far, so good.
Jackson likes his big boy swim shorts. Problem with these is that even the XS hang off his butt. But I was surprised he even got into the water on his own because he prefers the choke his parent and call it swimming method usually. He still won't jump into the water on his own. 
 Miss Olivia is all about swimming. And god help her, she is probably even less athletically able than I am so she looks ridiculous. Cute and adorable, but totally ridiculous. She's out there flailing and she believes she is swimming forward when in reality, she is going nowhere. But she's determined because she is at the age where her friends have swim parties and she really wants to be able to go without me hanging on to her.
Also happening now that it's spring is that the bugs have suddenly come alive. We've had wasps in our laundry room and we currently have a fly who terrorizes all three cats. So every day when I come home this is the scene I walk into. All three cats on bug patrol and being really unsuccessful from killing anything. So you see Lola like queen shit on the counter where she is absolutely not allowed? Right next to the stove. She knows she blends in and I think she thinks I can't see her but clearly- she's right there.

 And here's some Robert because at the end of the day, I just wish I had a Robert to jump onto. But I have a Matt, w ho currently smells really bad and keeps asking if I want to make out.  *sigh*


Steff said...

My house is organized and clean, but I do admit to keeping things 'to fix'! Recently I've gotten rid of a LOT of stuff though, so I'm making progress! Also, I'm pregnant and we have a 500 square foot house, so I have a lot of stuff to get rid of to make room!

Steff said...

Oh, and my brother didn't learn to swim until he was like 10! We had access to a pool during the summer and he went every day, he just stayed in the shallow end and refused to learn how!

SpiritPhoenix said...

Hey chica, totally unrelated, but you should totally enter your blog here to become Queen of the Blogosphere.

And lately I've been in a cleaning mode myself. Which is kinda crazy, but definitely appreciated by my husband. I'm hoping to go through my house this week and get some key areas Spring Cleaned!

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Whenever Andy smells bad he always asks me if I want to make out. What is wrong with them?

Never look under the fridge as a cat owner. Just saying. Do not do it.

MunirGhiasuddin said...

OCD is never easy on yourself or your loved ones.
I wash the plate my husband washes. He leaves a spoon on top of a can of Spanish Peanuts so he does not have to wash it again and again. That drives me nuts . If I was not able to change him in forty years, that should give me hint. My mind does not accept that hint.