Thursday, March 21, 2013

Thumpity, thumpity, thump.

Calm the hell down it's not an earthquake- it's just me and my 100% white girl Kardashian rear end falling off of the weight loss wagon hard.


This blog has become a rinse and repeat of me saying, "Yes! The fat is going to come off and I really, for sure, super duper, unicorns and sparkles forever mean it this time!" only to follow it up with "So this one time, I ate a bunch of fries in secret and I don't even feel bad."

Confession time: This was my lunch today.
 I may or may not have eaten this in absolute shame in my car and I kept my head down. I have followed it up with an entire bag of Sweet Tart jellybeans which Easter just needs to be OVER or every store within driving distance of me needs to sell completely out of them because thanks to my good friend Emily I am addicted. Even Matt said to me, while looking at me totally horrified because I am now possessive in the worst way possible of that bag, "This has to be what it's like to live with a crack head. You are out of control."

And it's true.

The only thing keeping me from going to Target and buying them out myself is that I saw this lady at the grocery store and I thought good lord. This could be me.
I would like it noted that she was literally wearing a belly shirt that you can't really see but when you looked at her head on, she had absolutely no shame that she has a large stomach and it's just free as a bird. On one hand, good for you lady for having that kind of self esteem and just clearly not giving a damn. On the other, it's like a public service announcement.

I won't even get into the fact she bought $254.03 worth of food and promptly used her food stamp card while I'm there hoping my groceries for two weeks is under $100. And had a panic moment when YAY, I found more coupons in the abyss of my purse to bring it to $102.78 so it wasn't going to be a drive home in depression and shame.

But back to my fat.

So I need to get back to exercising. I know it, everyone around me knows it, I get it. I do. I'm just really lazy. There is nothing joyful or fun about exercising. I hate every agonizing second of it. Even when I was really into running and going out every night and losing weight, I hated it. Even knowing that my hard work was paying off was not enough to keep me doing it. I don't understand all of these people who are like, "I learned to love it!" or "I love the rush I get!" because I think they are either high or total liars.


But here we are. It's technically spring, there is still plenty of snow and slush on the ground, it's still freezing and I feel like this has become a do or balloon out situation for me. I'm not ballooning out but let's face it, with my diet it's only a matter of time. And I keep having these dreams that I'll go to the doctor one day and they'll say I have heart disease or something and I will have to have the "I told you so" lecture from my doctor and everyone else because I could do a lot to prevent bad things happening to me. I know this. I get it.

I just really love french fries.

Zumba is on a hiatus for a little bit so I  need to do something in place of it. I can't afford a membership to the YMCA so that's out. I can't afford a gym membership either, so that's out. My only option are at home DVD's which I hate or running. And it's cold out, I believe I have mentioned this. But seeing how that's my last option that's free, it is what it is. I just need to get out there.

I also have to remind myself we have our trip to Florida in June. While I am smaller than the last time we were there, I'd really like to slim down more do other beach goers do not mistake me for a beached whale.

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ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I had to join a gym & got lucky with a $25 monthly membership deal however many years ago (it was $7 off then and now I think I am paying $18 less than the going rate). I can't do videos. I simply cannot motivate myself in my own home. I need to get to the gym, with the machines. My gym (Golds) does quarterly free 'resets' where you get a free hour with a personal trainer 4x a year & they go over your workout routine & suggest changes to step it up. I'm lazy as all hell but the gym grew on me & now I miss it if I take more than 3 days off.
Granted, it took me more than 6 months of going 3x a week to get to that point, but 8 years later I now go 4-5x a week.
I'll admit the 2 hour a day of child care for $25 a month was a motivator. I'd drip the kids off & spend 2 hours child free sitting on a bike reading a book or slowly using hand weights & chatting with other moms doing the same thing. I'd go to the gym just for the childcare & along the way got used to working out.

Jen Randall said...

Hi, so this is a little random...I found your blog through 20SB. I just started a new diet and needed a little weight loss inspiration (it's week 3 and I normally give in at this point!). Have you found anything that's really worked for you and kept weight off? Jen xx

Jen Randall said...

Hi, so this is a little random....but I've just started a new diet and needed a little 3rd-week inspiration (as this is usually when I'd give up!!). My new diet seems to be really working, but I wondered if you'd found anything that really worked for you and kept the weight off? Jen xx