Thursday, March 20, 2014

One teeny tiny step closer.

I can't even remember how much I have told you about the whole me-going-back-to-school thing. I think where I last left off I was thinking about it, I applied, I was accepted and yay- not much more. But here is a recap of all that has happened since then and what is to come in the next month or so:

1. I need to take an entrance exam basically. That is happening on March 30 (yes, a Sunday) at 8 am (yes, in the morning). I am scared shit less. I have taken a few practice tests and have bombed the math one pretty hard. Every time. Like, not even close. Math is hands down, my worst subject ever. What this means it that if I fail it on exam day, I will likely have to take stupid person math, then regular math, which means taking more credits than I want. Suck.

2. After that test, I have an hour long phone conference with my distance learning adviser. She will basically go over my test, look at what was able to transfer and we figure out the game plan. Which might be tricky considering I not only have to take all of my generals again (barf) but I also am essentially doing a "make your own" degree, which I want to be pretty equivalent to an English degree with a Writing focus. So, I have my work cut out for me.

3. I applied for Financial Aid because I am not rich. Sadly, we're too "wealthy" so I don't qualify for any grants whatsoever. I also didn't qualify for any freshmen scholarships either. Matt says I can pretend to be bi-sexual because there are a lot of LGBT scholarships out there but I don't think I could really fake it for that long. I can qualify for loans, and all un-subsidized which means I'll have to pay my interest and it starts accumulating while I'm still in school. Which is really, really shitty.

4. In order to receive those loans though, I need to be full time because I am distance learning. Which, SUCKS. When I had the idea to go back to school it was with  the idea of maybe half time status. Full time? Oh god. I could take less credits, but my loan amount when then reduce and it wouldn't pay all of my tuition and none of my books. Even with full time status, it's just barely paying my tuition and none of my books. So, yeah. That sucks.

It makes the idea of going back to school that much harder. Worst case scenario? I try it, hate it, and make it out at the end and chuck deuces at college for good and just pay back the $5,000 for one semester. Which is almost half of what my full two years at the technical college cost. Matt looked like he was going to vomit when I showed him all of this on paper. I can tell he really wants to tell me to not do this and we cannot afford it, and in my head I know we can't. Let's be honest- the likelihood of me getting a job using this degree is slim to none. Not around here and even then, it's tough. Secondly, Matt doesn't want to move so it's not like I can even use that as an excuse to move, we're stuck here. Thirdly, at what point does common sense outweigh what I want? There are lots of things I want to do in life and I don't because it's not practical and it would be irresponsible for me to do it. Is this one of them? Am I going to regret this in say, mid October when I'm up to my ass in homework and the kids have activities, I have PTO responsibility, and I have work going on?

It's hard to say. Plus, if I go and it doesn't work out past the first semester, I know I will feel absolutely guilty having raked $5,000 in student loans and for it to be worthless basically.

So, that's the plight of being a grown up. It's not nearly as awesome as I thought it would be when I was 16.


Trump's A Joke said...

What a tough call to make. On one hand furthering an education is great but the cost is definitely high, Best of luck.... and stuff.

It's been awhile since I blogged but I'm back with a new blog.... you may remember me as Just Plain Tired.

Unknown said...

I say "Go for it", the chances of you regretting it later are slim but the chances of you regretting not ever trying are pretty high. I know it's expensive, I just racked up $30k in student loans, but ya know what...I fucking did it. I was a teenage mom and have spent the last 16 years working my ass off raising my kids and I did something for me. I got an education. Pretty fucking proud of myself and I know you will be too.

middle child said...

Sara, you have to commit to one semester. Otherwise you will always wonder. ♡
BTW. Slip on over to my blog. I have posted the first of many of my Ghetto home. They may be far between but....

Unknown said...

First of all, you are not too old. I take offense to that, lol.
What is you goal, exactly? What job do you wish your degree to land you? Depending on what you need for generals, why not look at a local school for those? That might save you some money. If you are worried that you might not be cut out for school, or that you won't like it, maybe just take 1 class from a local school to see how you do with that. Take a writing class. Then if you don't like it, you at least you probably learned something useful to you.
Yes, college is freaking expensive. I'll riding on grants and scholarships right now, BUT that is not going to last. I see it as an investment. Think of all of the THINGS that you seem to be able to afford . . .
For me, the expense will be a trade off. I've spent all of these years at home with my kids. I think about the amount of money that I would have paid for day care . . . bam, college tuition.
And yes, it is HARD. I have 11 credits, which borders full time, I AM up way past my ass in homework, the kids activities never end, I work a few hours and still have other obligations. Nothing worth doing will ever be easy. I get what are saying about being practical though, it's tough, BUT I don't think that more education is ever irresponsible either.

Steff said...

Can you go to community college to start with classes? $5000 is a ton for just a semester! I think if it's something you really want to do, you'll find a way to make it work and you'll make it through!

middle child said...

I posted a comment quite awhile ago. Don't see it here. Essentially it was this, "commit to one semester of school because if you don't go you will always wonder".
Now get your ass over to my post. You want ghetto? I'll show you a picture once in awhile of my house starting with the back window.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Brad is struggling with this same thing. He has a 20 year old 'degree' from a 2 year tech program. He's 47 and in danger of layoffs. So he keeps thinking he need to go back and just get his real degree to be competitive. I think the 20+ years of experience are more important at this point than a piece of paper. I'm also not thrilled at the debt we'd be taking on if he went back for the 3-5 semesters he would need to take to get the degree. Like you he has to be full time to get the most out of the loan and he already works 50-60 hour weeks. There is just no way he could do both and be any real success at either I think. Though he certainly could be a stressed out pain in my ass worried about failing at everything.
I know he wants it and I encourage him but I also struggle with it.