Monday, April 14, 2014

Officially.... a student.

I don't know quite how to describe the feeling of being a college student the second time around. The first time around I wasn't even really excited about it,  not even a little bit. I didn't really go to school for something I wanted to do, I went so that I could find a good job and hopefully make a career from it and be a responsible adult. It certainly takes on a different meaning now knowing I am going back for something I want to do, and then hope that maybe I can use that degree somehow.

In the last few weeks I have heard a lot of different perspectives on what I should do, and I've weighed each and every one of them. It's difficult, even as a full fledged adult, to know if what you are doing is really the right thing to be doing. Certainly, this is going to be a financial burden when I finish. I'm obviously going to be strapped for time and my family will feel the brunt of that. I worry about my capabilities as a "non traditional" student with a full life, and I wonder if I'm going to lose my mind by the end of my first semester.

The great part about life is I don't know the answer to any of it.

The even better part is I don't care anymore.

I look back on a lot of the decisions I have made over the course of my adulthood and every single one of them was made being influenced heavily from people who thought they knew what I should do. I didn't want to make a wrong decision and I didn't want to disappoint. As it turns out, I did both regardless and even I wasn't happy to boot. So I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just to hell with it all.

As of 1:16 p.m. this afternoon, I am currently enrolled in 15 credits at the University of Wisconsin. I'm scared shitless, I'm nervous, but more importantly, I'm excited. I decided that even if I don't use my degree, I don't care. I want to say I've earned a Bachelor's degree as it was always my intended goal. I'm young enough that in theory, I could pay back my student loans and I will even get to use my degree. Somehow, I will figure it out. I might turn out to be totally terrible and just barely making it, or I might discover I'm actually a lot better at it than I think I will be.

Who knows, but I'm excited either way.

I am also that over achiever, do it all, make everyone happy person. I can't help it, that's just what I am. I put my needs dead last, and just do everything until exhaustion takes over. Don't get me wrong, I'll probably still do that because I can't help it, but I have a better plan on how to do this.

I decided against summer classes so I could plan PTO stuff for next year and get way more organized than ever before. I am going to meal plan and do some freezer meals for those nights I just can't cook, and by god- my Christmas cards are going to be made in July! Thankfully, Matt is excited for me. At first he wasn't and I could tell he didn't want me to do this. Now he is excited but doesn't want to admit it because I'd look like I was right yet again (as usual). But he and I have worked out a work schedule, and came up with a game plan for extra curricular activities. I don't say it nearly enough, but he's kind of great.

So this is IT, lambs. The leader is a college student yet again and it's terrifying and exciting all at once.


Steff said...

Yay, that is so exciting! That is so awesome that Matt is coming around, it will make it that much 'easier' for you!

middle child said...

Very proud of you!