Thursday, April 24, 2014

TBT: Gooseberry Falls, 2002

It's time for another Throw Back Thursday!

When Matt and I first starting dating, we did lots of mini road trips. We would spend an entire day just driving around and hiking. On this particular weekend, we went to Jay Cooke State Park, which is really close to where we live because it was a great day and Matt worked for the first half of the day. He had just bought his Jeep a few weekends prior, so this was our first trip with it. I'll be honest, when we got rid of the Jeep just this past summer, I was really bummed out. A lot of great memories were made in that vehicle. *sigh*

Pictures like these are always make me feel bittersweet. Because it's pictures like this that remind what Matt was like when we were first together. He was so carefree, he laughed all of the time, he was so happy all of the time. Sometimes I wonder what happened. Maybe it's the stress of parenting, being adults, working, I don't know. I miss this version of Matt so much. From time to time I get a glimpse of it and sometimes I can feel my breath seize in my chest because I think our life would be so different if he was the same. I sometimes wonder if he ever looks at me and thinks I'm different. I wonder if I'm just like the girl he fell in love with. I certainly don't feel the same, but I think my experiences with him have changed me somehow. I do like my current version of myself better.

But, I'm told, marriage is about each person growing and changing. I have to appreciate the way Matt is now. I can tell stories to our children about what their dad was like when he was younger. It's only sad they won't get to experience this version. But I look back on these pictures and I hope our kids look at them and think, gee- my parents were really in love. Because we really were. I can say a lot of things about our journey so far, but it will always start with how in love we were. We still are, it's just different. I think as we age, we find different kind of love. Different things fill our cup, so to speak. Regardless, I do enjoy looking back at these pictures. I do miss my old Matt, but sometimes I feel like I've met a new person and I'm starting from scratch and that's kind of nice too.

1 comment:

Julie H said...

It's the bills. They suck the fun out of life.