Friday, November 6, 2015

In the News: Halle is a bad girl, no Gwen, and damn you, Target.

I skipped last week but I'm back! Let us all recap the news, shall we?

Halle Berry is bad news bears. I admittedly am not a huge Halle Berry fan. Something about her has always rubbed me wrong but I could never place my finger on it. Remember when she won that Oscar (or whatever it was) and everyone was all, "I love Halle- she's so great"? Yeah, no. I don't feel it. But when she dumped that hottie model Gabriel and the ensuing custody battle, something felt really off. I felt like she was just the vindictive bitch who wanted him gone at the expense of her daughter. Then walks in Olivier and his anger issues and it all kind of went to hell there for a bit. Well now he's seemingly gone and now we have her first husband, David Justice, basically telling the world what I already suspected- she's a hot, scorned mess. She's like an angry, probably violent and more crazy Taylor Swift.

Gwen & Blake? Ugh. Am I the only one who thinks this is gross and a terrible rebound? Honestly. I used to really like Blake but ever since the demise of his marriage to Miranda Lambert (who let's be honest, is probably scary crazy and owns a gun- I'd run) he gives me the ick factor. Like he probably can't keep it in his pants, now he's dipping his stick into company Kool-aid. Gross. And really, Gwen? I get that Gavin Rossdale is kind of a D list celebrity, but he was super hot back in the day. I just don't see this ending up in more than a fling and a weird one at that. Like at the live episodes of The Voice going to be all weird and awkward? I can already hear Adam Levine making bizarre comments he thinks are funny but very much aren't.

God dammit, Target. Easily the worst thing to happen to me this week, aside from Penelope sneezing a ton of boogers down my shirt, was finding out that my beloved Target is closing. That's right, somehow in Superior, Wisconsin- Target is closing yet Kmart, who literally has ZERO customers stays open. I can't understand how they can say that we've had a few years of decreased profitability. Honestly, that makes me think maybe you get new management in or something because that store is always busy. There is never a trip to that store where I am not waiting in line for one of the 3-4 registers. Our store is easily much cleaner and has staff who are 100% nicer than the store we're being forced to go to in Duluth, Minnesota. You want to talk about a store who needs a good bitch slap? It's that store. Not only is the parking lot an absolute death trap, but the employees are easily the RUDEST I have ever encountered. Rude. I hate that store with such a passion, but I hate Walmart more. But what really sucks? Is that I can't even use Target as an excuse to get the fuck out of this house. I am, right now, a 5 minute drive from Target. I have been known to wander for an hour. Impulse buy until my card says no. Now? I'm going to have to drive all the way up the god damn hill to Duluth, get angry while trying to park in their ridiculous fucking lot, hope I don't die while trying to get to the damn door, pray there is a cart because NOBODY is ever collecting carts there, and then navigate the most insanely organized store you've ever seen. Yes, let's put the dog food next to Starbucks and football card and oh hey- here's our makeup and then people food. There will be no more impulse shopping because if you think I'm making a weekly trip there like I do now, you are sadly mistaken. I refuse to increase my blood pressure medication to force myself to that store more than once every two weeks. REFUSE. Whoever is running Target as a whole needs to be fired because since the credit card breech in 2013, everything has kind of gone to shit and nobody knows how to fix it.

Smartphone connected sex toys. Two things about this article made me chuckle. First off, that anyone would actually use a vibrator that your partner could control off of an app on their phone. What makes you think that a partner could do a better job regulating the toy than I could? Please. Secondly, that people are actually clamoring to be able to have sex with robots. Like, really? That's a thing? From one point of view, I guess a vibrator basically IS a robot and here we are, with drawers full of an assortment. But on the other, that's not the preferred method. That's desperate measure in desperate times kind of thing. Who would take that over a live human? I mean, I guess if the human was disease riddled or gross, but then you could always find another, you know? The whole thing is weird.

OK, folks. That's it for this week. Follow me on Bloglovin' so you don't miss a thing! Tomorrow I'll be talking about my Etsy shop (yes, it's still around!) and you can stock up for Christmas. Woo-hoo!

Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos


The Flynnigans said...

You're bang on about Halle I think... Something just doesn't sit well when it comes to her... Almost sketchy lol and the details just don't ass up.
I shudder when I read about Gwen and Blake. Ick! Something about him gives me the willies. Lol

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

YES Gwen and Blake = barf. I think Blake is completely unattractive. I realize I'm in the minority on that. Plus I don't really follow celebrity stuff toooo much but Gwen and Gavin seemed like a good normal couple (probably because I never heard about them until their split--seems like the couples you don't hear about as much are pretty strong) plus they have kids blah blah. But isn't Blake like a raging alcoholic? I'm like...yikes, Gwen. You have children, maybe raise the standards a bit.

Unknown said...

My thoughts exactly on all of this. Not so much the escape to Target factor but I get you.

Unknown said...

My thoughts exactly on all of this. Not so much the escape to Target factor but I get you.