Thursday, March 22, 2018

Weekend love: the Great Lakes Aquarium

My mom was telling me the other day how she had a conversation with Jackson, as they often do when she picks him up from school and brings him home. But this one hit home for me because he told her that he misses when Matt and I would do things with them and we'd go places. You know, before the babies, and that makes me feel two things: angry because I'm doing the best that I can and it's not recognized and sad because I'm doing the best I can and it's not enough. I hate feeling like I'm a terrible mom and it's something I struggle with on the daily. It makes the voices in my head that tell me I should just kill myself that much louder because obviously I would be doing them a service. 

But that's for another day. 

This weekend though I decided we would go to our local aquarium for the otter's birthday party and we were going to have fun. Even if it was only for 45 minutes because that's all we could do with it being so crowded and two toddlers. 
Yeah, I've got Penelope on a leash- come at me, bro! She's a terror who won't stay in a stroller, she won't hold onto your hand, and she will go limp noodle on the floor if you try to tame this girl in any other way. A leash has been my last resort and she doesn't fight me because it's a butterfly and for now she's cool with butterflies and she's got room to roam. But the looks I get, seriously, it's brutal. People are talking about me and just once I'd like to tell them to give it a whirl without the leash and then judge me. Jerks. 
I have to get one for Lucy because she copies anything Penelope does and she's just too big for the toddler carrier. She pulls backwards to get out, as demonstrated. That and only Matt can wear it because it kills my back front or rear facing.  
The big kids had fun, got to see the turtles and alligators that they wanted to. Were kind of creeped out by the electric eel, but that's alright.  
I saw Dory. We had a chat. It was nice.  
Penelope wanted to take a selfie but I told her she had to keep her eyes open. She's clearly doing so. She's such a smart ass, even at the cusp of three. I'm so screwed with her. 

So overall it was a fun 45 minute jaunt out of the house. I was exhausted because I apparently no longer sleep during the night so I got next to no sleep. I have to do better about getting out into the world, as overwhelming as it is for me now. I hope it's not this tough forever. 


Jen said...

Hey, I heard this amazing podcast and I really hope you can listen. This woman had an atypical stroke age 31, and wow some of it sounds like you! She's 16 years on from it and she's recovered some of her memory, pushed her brain hard. While she didn't have AFE, she describes some of the disconnected feelings you have had. Maybe you will find some help or hope in her story?
She is now a neurologist and working with young stroke survivors!

Lauren said...

I'm glad you all had fun! And I think you're definitely doing your best. Jackson's young - he'll realize it more as he gets older. And besides, anyone with really younger siblings probably wishes they could do more. That photo of Penelope and her eye is hilarious. So sassy!! And psshh...ignore the people talking about the leash. Like you said, let's see them try and do it WITHOUT one.


Life Love & High Heels said...

Penelope has the attitude of a teen!