Book Review: FLIP FLOPPED- Jill Smolinski

Hey lambs, it's time for another book review! After my review of Jill Smolinski's other book, The Next Thing On My List, I had quickly put her other book, Flip Flopped on my library reserve. Well I totally forgot about it until I went to pick up books the other day and bam! There it is, waiting for me. Nice surprise.

So the book, to me, has a very similar love story as The Next Thing On My List, so much so that I could already tell the ending. Normally I would hate this, but this was such a relatable story for me that I overlooked it and kept reading. Totally glad I did because there was a few twists in it, but overall it was good. The thing that was distracting to me was the secondary story of this damn volcano that I think took away from the main storyline. That's just me though. Basically it's about a woman who is divorcing her two timing loser husband and the ensuing divorce and custody battle over their son. It's relatable because I have contemplated divorce because of Matt's bad deeds and my main reason for not divorcing? A custody battle. Ugh. I can't even fathom how I would handle that. Somehow, it seems easier to stick with him than to put my kids through that. Ugh. The high road- supposed to be glorious? Not so much. Anyways- book was good, nice fast read.

Also, I know yall saw that "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck was on my reading list. And yes, I am going to admit I am a quitter. A big one. I got approximately 20 pages in and the use of adjectives was so obscene I had to quit. I just couldn't think straight with 3 or more adjectives in EVERY. SINGLE. SENTENCE. I just can't function. It's amazing that I am over a 5th grade reading level, seriously. So I thought you know what, for a book being touted as a "modern day Book of Genesis" I'm not feeling like I'm missing out. I don't go to church (GASP!! The horror), and I don't know what that book is, and certainly never read it. (Simma down ladies and gents!). It's not like I have Satan as a roomie or anything. I just figure church vs. being lazy or scrapbooking. Yah, pretty much choose lazy/scrapbooking. OK, so in reality I'm really cleaning my bathroom on Sunday mornings THINKING about scrapbooking or how I'd like to be lazy. :)

Potentially Fabulous

Hey yall- top o' the morn to ya.

So let's talk about what I have going on this week- this is me assuming that you care. But you obviously do since you are reading this.

1. Harper Collins: I got a VERY exciting email yesterday from a Senior Editor at Harper Collins. I know, I totally spit my soda all over the computer screen at work and my desk is still sticky. The most exciting thing? They found and read my blog. I know, right? They found my review of THE LEISURE SEEKER and loved it, and contacted me saying that they loved it. I am so excited. I even got some tips on writing and publishing- so guess what lambs? I decided to for sure write a book. I even started last night, got two pages done in 30 minutes. My brain is swimming and I'm still so excited. I can barely contain myself. A sign from the heavens? Maybe.

2. Olivia is back: Olivia spent the last two nights at Matt's parents' house and is back today. I'm at work so that sucks for both of us. She cried when I had to leave which makes me feel like the worst parent ever. I couldn't even make her stop crying with bribing. I don't know what's worse- the fact that I have resorted to bribing or the fact it didn't work.

3. My house is clean: I know, hold the presses. I actually made time for cleaning yesterday- in the hopes that doing physical activitiy would dull the excitement from the Harper Collins email. It didn't, but my house looks and smells lovely. I would consider this a bonus.

4. I have to get my lazy ass to the post office to mail packages. James- I swear I will put it in the mail today. I'm such a loser and I'm sorry. Angie and Lindze- your packages are coming too, and Elena- yours is being made tonight with the hopes to mail it this week as well. Hopefully nobody was holding their breath otherwise I'd have 4 dead people as a result of my laziness. That would suck.

5. The guy from the bagel shop by my work that commented on my boobs last Wednesday? Was there again today. I must have had that, "Don't talk to me because I'm feeling bitchy today" look on my face because all I got from him today was a wink and a wave. Oh- and of course, the blatant stare at my chest. Oh well. I should be thankful that my boobs are obviously something to look at. Or maybe I should thank Victoria's Secret for making a fabulous bra that makes them look perkier than they really are.

6. I have got to get my ass going on my Etsy shop. My goals this year- 2 sales in the Etsy shop and garner more "followers" on my blog. Maybe if I'm lucky they can coincide.

7. Why do I need followers? Well according to a fabulous source (can you guess who??) I need a "platform" in order to approach a publisher. They want to know how I know people will read/buy the book. I don't teach or do public speaking for fear of making an ass out of myself so the next best thing is a blog. Wait...does public speaking mean like when you tell people to fuck off (in various, sometimes nice ways) in public areas like stores? Because I do that ALL of the time. Spread the word lambs! I will have a little somethin' somethin' for the first 50 followers. As soon I as I hit 50, I'll come up with something. :) Sweet.

OK- so I am going to get some stuff done, sit in my hole of an office and spread joy to fellow co-workers. Who may not be here today since I am the only one on the second floor at 8:45 in the morning. Strange.

Book Review: The Leisure Seeker

Well, as usual- let's start this post off by me saying that I usually don't like books about getting old and dying seeing how I'm only 27 and I'd like to be optimistic and say that won't happen to me for awhile. But let's be real- I could be killed on my lunch break. But I reserved this book from the library after seeing the super snazzy cover with a racing RV on it because again, I'm shallow like that and judge books by covers. Freal, folks. OK- on with the review....




This book is a MUST READ. If you read nothing else in your life, you must read this book. I'm so not kidding. It will give you a totally different outlook on your marriage, your parents, and getting old. This book is a really fast read and I did it in under 6 hours and that's probably because I just could not put it down. It is basically the story of John and Ella Rubina who are elderly with a multitude of health probems with the most significang being John with Alzheimer's and Ella with cancer. John doesn't really get what's happening to him and Ella is running the show despite being in advanced stages of her cancer. She's opted to stop treatments and live out the rest of the life she has with her husband. In their RV. On the way to California, DisneyLand, via Route 66 to be exact. Their kids obviously thinks this is ridiculous and are adament that they come home and seek medical help "to get better". What the kids don't realize and what Ella very clearly does is that she doesn't have much time left and she doesn't want to be without her husband. And she knows that John would be lost without Ella because she's the only one he can really remember and recognize, mostly because they've been married 60+ years. It is a really great story and as much as I would grieve over the loss of either of my parents, I will not be the child that insists they go to the doctor, or seek additional treatment, etc. When people are ready to go the most humane thing we can do as family or friends is to just let them go. You must read this- definitely add it to your lists!

BOOK REVIEW: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

Before I even start this review I have to just say upfront that I think Oprah is a very lovely woman. She obviously is very successful to have lasted this long in such a fickle industry. With that being said, let me give my 2 cents on her 2008 Oprah Book Club pick The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. (I am not putting on protective gear to hopefully prevent any injuries from projectiles thrown at me because of my review).

I hated the book (I'm ducking right now). I really did. I also should say that I usually don't like Oprah's picks because they are too mushy mushy, supposed to be life altering, etc. I just can't get into that shit. Also, the book is set in Northern Wisconsin (where I am living) and that's just weird. I don't know- perhaps I'm just weird and picky. But the book is LONG. Like when I picked it up from the library and saw how huge it was, I silently prayed (ok- so by that I mean I said, "Holy shit! I hope this is large print!"). Well, it wasn't large print and suddenly for the first time in years I felt like it might take me the 3 week check out period to finish the damn thing. It also should be said that if I can't get "hooked" on the book in the first chapter, I pressure myself to quit. BUT, it is on my Summer Reading List, so I can't be a quitter. So I read it, finished it, and felt like throwing the book against the wall because I HATED the ending. Fuck you David Wroblewski for ruining it for me. Here I am, rooting for god damn Edgar to prove what an ass Claude is, and take over the dog breeding farm thing they've got going on- and you fucking ruined it for me. Screw you, Dave.

OK- so on a less dramatic note... I started a new book that I thought would be funny and uplifting. Yah- guess what? It isn't, but it's GREAT and I can not wait to finish it and give you the review. What's it called? The Leisure Seeker. Doesn't that freaking sound fun? And the cover has a 1978 Leisure Seeker RV on the cover speeding down the highway. I'm pretty snobbish when it comes to books and I totally judge books by covers (because really? If you can't spend the time to put a cool cover on your book how hard did you really work on it????). Anyways- Yall should know one of my dreams is to someday get an RV and make Matt drive it to stupid random places. And I'm all about stupid roadside tourist traps. :) OK- so I'm almost done with it, so watch for the review probably this week sometime. Later lambs!

South Superior Birds Retaliate

You know I'm all about cutting costs where I can. This summer I decided that spending $20 on a bag of bird food that lasts MAYBE 3 days is obscene. Some of these birds are looking pretty big, with the one that doesn't fly well anyway struggling even more. He will probably get killed by the psychotic cat from next door or hit by someone on a bicycle. If birds could read I would have a sign that said "Not All You Can Eat" because I am going broke trying to ward off famine on local birds. Plus, the kids like to watch them eat.

My solution? Walmart actually had bags of bird seed in the $1 section. No joke. I thought- god has seen my struggle but appreciates the sentiment so is putting bird seed on sale. THANK YOU! I was so excited, thinking the birds are going to be all happy to have a bird feeder stocked and loaded all of the time and I will become the Old Country Buffet for birds.

Well guess what? Those unthankful, ungracious bastards of birds are NOT happy. They made their gross bird noises next to my open windows at all hours, bang into the windows, etc. And now because I haven't responded to them, this is what I see this morning:

Let me assure you- my van was COVERED, this was just the first one I saw. No matter where I move my van- I am now a target.

The birds are also doing their destructive pooping on my daughter's second floor window. The screen was covered and I had to spray that off from the inside because guess what? It fucking smells to high heaven.

I apologize birds if this food gives you the runs. Really. It's gross, I get it. But you know what? I'm not rich. You are no longer getting the expensive stuff- find another home. Stop shitting on all of my stuff because that will get you nowhere. I'm in this house for a long time bitches so I will win this war.

More Book Reviews: Bright Lights, Big Ass AND Bitter Is The New Black

Summer Reading Blitz '09 continues with more Jen Lancaster. I swear to God- I have to meet this woman, her and I would be besties immediately. Her sarcastic humor is identical to mine and the things she says are exactly what I would say in the situations. It's really creeping me out to be honest.

Bright Lights, Big Ass

I will start by saying this was not as hilarious as "Such A Pretty Fat" was for me, but I did like it and I did laugh out loud. Matt is truly sick of my reading at this point. This is basically about life in the big city and even though I live in little po'dunk Superior, Wisconsin- I can certainly understands her plights. My neighbors are also of varying degrees of crazy and I often think that you need to apply for some kind of license to own a home because I tell you- the people buying homes around me are idiots. Who paints their house bright ass blue with black trim? Who decorates their yard with numerous handmade lawn ornaments? And really- who told you it was a good idea to mount gigantic, unrealistic, creepy as shit butterflies to the side of your house?? It makes it look like the neighborhood is being swarmed by some freak bugs or something. Anyways- this is a fun summer read. :)

Bitter Is The New Black

OK- now this is her first book (I read them out of sequence and it didn't seem to matter) and it was hilarious. I laughed my ass off on this one. Now you know how much I love Jen, but in this book- she seemed more bitchy to me. Like maybe not as fun. I don't know. But I still love her and know that we could be a hilarious duo. Anywho- this is about how she went from living the high life to living in the ghetto with the Russian Construction crew "working" next door. It's her quest for a new job and learning the hard lessons of frivoulous spending, which I have yet to learn. This is a must read especially in these economic times because if you happen to be unemployed- it's uplifting to know that everyone is having a hard time finding a job. :)

Book Review: The Friday Night Knitting Club

Before giving you this review I feel compelled to tell you that I don't knit. I know nothing about knitting, sewing or any craft of the like. I can't differentiate between a knitted or a crocheted (sp??) blanket. I did want to read this book not only because it has a snazzy cover (yes, I'm shallow like that) but because the basic story line sounded kind of fun. Oh, I also have never seen Steel Magnolias (stop your booing- that's rude) which set me back because the cover touts this as Steel Magnolias set in Manhattan. I had a lot going against me here. Now on with the review!

You absolutely must read this book. It's basically the story of a group of women all from different backgrounds and at different points in their lives that somehow form the Friday Night Knitting Club. At the center is Georgia Walker and her daughter Dakota that run the store and Georgia is a reluctant member of the club. Her mentor, Anita, kind of guides Georgia into the club and basically is winds from there. I must tell you two things: A). I had a hard time getting into it, but I'm glad I stuck with it. and B.) I cried like a mother fucking baby at the end. I am so serious- I cried, had to locate a box of Klennex and blow my nose like I had a sinus infection. I scared my cat, I blubbered to Matt like these were real people and of course he didn't give a damn. You really need to read this because it's such a great story about women and how important it is to just have a group of ladies to have there, even if you aren't great friends or close in any way. It also is a great story about forgiveness and how to put things into perspective. And guess what??? I see there is the sequel coming out in November. WOOT!!! You know I'm all about sequels. :) HAHA!!

Stayed tuned for my review of "Bright Lights, Big Ass" and "Bitter Is The New Black" by Jen Lancaster as well as the True Blood DVD series one set which Target has finally gotten in. Thank you rain check for allowing me to purchase it at 51% off now that their sale is over.