Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sara: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well this post is going to have pictures, yall! I know. I want you to know that I went through a multitude of batteries on a self portrait photo shoot which yielded less than 5 pictures that I would ever circulate the blogosphere. I suck at taking my own picture and I usually look like ass in pictures in general. I do, and I can't help it. I am not America's Top Model material and for that be grateful I don't do this often.

So let's start with the good, shall we?

Me, posing today in front of our ghetto neighborhood. Sorry I didn't do jazz hands.Folks, I am officially a grown up! If you know me in real life, or at least follow me on FaceBook you will know that I haven't owned a real winter jacket since I was about 16. And if you want to get technical, as of March 10 this year that will be exactly 12 years ago. Because that is when my mom last bought me one. So I have bitched about the lack of a real winter jacket for 12 years and have done nothing about it. I don't know if I was hoping the winter jacket fairy would come, but she hasn't so that has forced me to take matters into my own hands.

(Which is code for I found a sale and they had one...only one jacket that was chocolate brown left in my size. For $35, normally $280. And my mom was so proud of me. She was there, and was all like, "It's about time, Sara" but I think she was proud. Her little girl is getting so big..)

AND..(if you have a history of heart problems and/or defects- please stop reading here. I will not be held responsible for your death) I bought winter boots. I haven't had winter boots since third grade and I didn't wear them either. (Sorry mom, Travis and I would take those off in the bus as soon as we got on. It's really uncool to have boots. And snowpants. Sorry you wasted the money..)

I bought the boots the same day (but earlier) and they are chocolate brown with fur! They actually are warm but don't go any higher than my ankle. Which Matt tells me will be useless in the event I have to walk where snow has not been shoveled. But whatevs. Fashion stops at nothing, and they are better than high heels. It's not like I'm doing outside activities anyways.


Now because I'm an idiot and didn't write it down, I found a ton of blogs this week that had pictures of ladies when they first wakeup, no makeup, nothing. Well since Matt goes to work at 3:30 in the morning and I get up, for real, at 6 am- it only takes me 30 minutes to get me and two kids ready. So this is me. In the morning, fresh out of bed. Thank god that nature has blessed me with decent enough skin to not be a Proactiv commercial. My bags aren't huge under my eyes considering this was taken on Monday. This would be the "raw" portion of my post. I would say this is what Matt wakes up to every morning, but when he gets up I roll over and continue with my slumbers.


God- I really couldn't even take a picture of this because it is so bad. Do you remember waaaaaay back when I posted my weight on here? You know, that brief moment in time when I went bat shit crazy? OK, well I'm totally doing it again. It is....


At least it's lower!! If I did my math correctly it's 4.4 lower! And I feel fatter. Please explain this cosmo bullshit because I? Am starving. I'm so hungry I could eat a child.

Save the kids!

I mean really, they are so cute. At least they were yesterday (which is when I took this) because today? The tantrums are unbearable and I've got a headache.

Since I'm essentially a lazy person I really don't enjoy exercising. At all. And I never really had to until I had kids because I was all thinner, I still have no idea what it's like to buy pants in the single digits, but I was at my skinniest when working at Dairy Queen and then Culver's. Go figure.

But since I'm so lazy and it's all cold, snowy, and now icy outside, I can't really walk outside. So right now, until I purchase a treadmill, my only weight loss options are bulimia and anorexia. Now, anorexia is probably the least amount of work since you literally do nothing. Except that I do get hungry and I have cravings like a 9 month pregnant woman all of the time. Baby onboard or not. (which was FABULOUS when I was pregnant because I was able to convince Matt to drive to places at all hours of the night to satisfy these. He has since stopped doing this which is lame). So then that leaves me bulimia. Which, disgusting. I don't think anyone can throw up gracefully and I hate throwing up. The whole process and mental pictures of my insides revolting just make it infinitely worse. And then I remember the time I was 6 months pregnant with Olivia, had Matt get me the biggest bucket of popcorn from the movie theatre (he went and got it so I could eat it at home), literally ate it all in 20 minutes and 10 minutes later puked the entire thing up. If you've ever puked popcorn you can appreciate it. Can't eat popcorn to this day.

Which hey- TMI! So bulimia is out. Obviously. What am I doing? Smaller portions. I had 5 almonds for breakfast and stared longingly at the bag of spicy nacho doritos. Oh, I just want to eat you up. But I can't. Because I am a fat ass desperate to get smaller. I refuse to buy clothes in the fat girl store. I will not do it. I will not do it. I'll go bulimic before that happens.


Green Stone said...

Pish tosh, I think you look damn sexy as is!

That is a pretty sweet jacket. I need to go the other way; I need to actually buy real summer clothing this year instead of sweating it out in jeans and cowboy boots.

Danielle said...

OMG I cracked up at this post - first off ... I wish I looked like you in the morning - 1. because you look like you've already showered, primped, and are ready for the day 2. because you're actually smiling at 6AM! Lucky you! I'm a BEAR in the morning!

Second, I totally hear ya on the weight thing sista! I'm doing weight watchers, and I feel like all I do is eat! Because just like you ... I feel as though I could eat a child!

Finally, your story about the popcorn! HILARIOUS! One time when I was really hungover I ate a bunch of Pringles .. and then shortly thereafter I threw them up! Since then I can NEVER eat original Pringles, it was seriously just awful - I actually don't even think my roommate can eat them either! During my pregnancy I threw up a lot in the beginning, fortunately for me it was nothing that ruined my taste for the food forever!

Nyx said...

I had an orange today for breakfast.

I've decided that skinny? Is overrated.

Bring on the pasta.

Honey Bee said...

awwww the picture with your kids is the best! SOOO cute!

xoxoKrysten said...

Dude,for real, you look good when you first wake up! There is no way in hell I would EVER be brave enough to post of pic of me when I first wake up. Kudos!

Anonymous said...

Yes I have to agree that your kiddos are uber cute.

I have pretty much given up on the whole weight issue and now live my life to the happiest big girl I can be, which is pretty shocking to today's society.

And since I am here in Virginia 90% of my time, it was not until I started my frequent trips to Chicago that T actually possessed a winter coat as well. T would just go ahead and bear 20 degree weather in a hoodie.

Jen Mc said...

That pic is NOT complete without jazz hands...
And where did you get that awesome deal? This chic needs a new winter coat - mine doesn't stay zipped anymore.
You look beautiful - au natural! You have nothing to fear.
Down 4 1/2? You rock, sista! Good for you - keep it up. I'm cheering you on.
Hope you had a good weekend - enjoy your new coat & boots.

Chicken said...

I might call BS on that wake up photo being straight out of bed...seriously you put the rest of us to shame. You look nothing but glowing and fresh! Kudos on this post!

Steph said...

Whoa, I'm a hot, hot mess in the AM. You look pretty good!

and, the babies are adorable!

Christina said...

Adorable pic of you and your kids!

I am with you on the whole coat thing. I hate wearing coats! Esp when I am shopping with Aubrey and end up carrying her coat and everything else she wants to take to the store! I guess I would rather freeze. I mean I'm not playing in the snow or anything just from the car to inside! What's the point.

I mposted a pic of me in the am hair is frightening!

Christina said...

BTW - Thanks for your advice on the bedroom stuff!

Julie H said...

5 minutes later I'm still laughing at the popcorn.

When I was pg scott FINALLY went and got me some chips and salsa I was craving and I think I ate the whole bag. I didn't throw up but I think I thought about it.