Monday, May 3, 2010

Reasons why my readers are better than yours.

What I love about having a blog is that I make a bunch of friends from all over the place who for whatever reason, agree that I am the mother fucking bee's knees, ankles, AND elbows. And I obviously agree with them because I understand that I am awesome and I have to kind of keep a lid on it most of the time because I might overwhelm yall with my fabulousness and because I don't know if you have health care, I'm thinking of you.

Plus, I don't really feel like getting sued for your injury due to my amazingness.

But over the course of this weekend some of my readers are doing a great job at kissing ass. I'm not sure why, which is a little scary, but whatever. I'm a whore for free and fun things so BRING.IT.ON.

First off, Sam over at Things, Just Things sent me a massive mix CD which will keep me jamming at work the rest of this week and a Loving Annabelle CD. She also sent me a fabulous key chain from Cocoa Beach because she lives in Florida, where I'm from, and she is awesome. I'd give you a picture of my cool key chain but Olivia has stolen it. Beatings will resume tomorrow. (Kidding!!) I'm totally stealing it back tomorrow since it's in her room and girl will wake up if I go in there.

Second, Jamie from This Is Me; consequently sent me a really cool picture via text today. At first I thought, "Damn her! Sending me a picture of a fucking cookie when I'm starving and I'm on a diet.. SABOTAGE." But then I find out it's a necklace pendant. For me. Because I am awesome and she loves her lambwhore leader. (And I love YOU, Jamie!!) (Also- send her happy messages-- she's got college finals this week!) I am a jewelry whore so this is awesome. I just have to basically hide it from Matt because if he sees it he's going to be all like, "OMG- more jewelry??"

Ok, so he really wouldn't say that. He likely would say nothing because he knows better than to question my crazy at this point.

Then Nikolett who is just a million shades of awesome and who keeps this page looking like non-shit tagged me for a questionnaire. And because I don't back down from challenges like that (I will not, under any circumstances, run naked. Don't even ask you perverts.) I'm rising to the challenge.

1) A vampire or a wizard (and why)??? Obviously I'd be a vampire. Like there was any question. You just can't question your destiny when destiny is clearly telling you that Robert Pattinson is your soul mate. And that Kristen Stewart is trashtastic. With jacked up toes. Whatever, we all have our embarrassing hookups and relationships. I'm confident that once he meets me every other girl will disappear. He's a little thin for my liking but that's OK. I'll work on that.

2) If you could change one thing about you, what would it be - if anything??? I wouldn't actually change anything personality wise or about me so much since I know I can change that already if I wanted to. But I would like to just ooze sex appeal. Is that weird? Like I'd like to be that chick that every guy just gravitates to just because she's that awesome. And not perverts because I already have that taken care of. But hot guys. Specifically, Robert Pattinson.

3) Would you rather live like a rock star or like a president? (in other words: fun or power?) Rock star. It would definitely be a toss between Hayley Williams and Gwen Stefani.

4) What's your favourite cartoon character??? Hmm.. I used to watch a ton of cartoons but the Smurfs were my homeboys. And homegirl. Me and Smurfette (who I called Furfy)? Besties.

5) What's your (most) guilty pleasure? Bad, cliche music. Shut the fuck up- you all KNOW you sing along to Michael Bolton and N'Sync. Don't even try to lie. Those of you on my Facebook saw my confession that I (gulp) like the new Miley Cyrus song "I Can't Be Tamed" and Mr. O has already given me shit about it. (Also- send him happy thoughts he also has college finals this week!!)

6) If you were a song, what would it be??? Oh damn. I can't say. I mean seriously, it depends where I'm at mentally. I'd like to think I'm more of a mix. I go from soft and mellow to frantic and screaming. But as an aside- every time I hear any kind of Jimmy Buffet- I get homesick and lonesome for Florida. If I'm feeling really down, I turn on Jimmy and I'm happy.

7) What's your biggest dream? Definitely to RV. I have always wanted to be one of those super crazy old ladies with a gun in her straw purse with matching hat and pink sunglasses. Every time I see one of those huge RV's I just die because I think that would be hilariously fun. Do you remember the first season or two of MTV's Road Rules?? I wanted to be on that show so bad. I would have rocked it the fuck out. Granted, I would have been the idiot who drove the RV into the drive through clearance of McDonald's but whatever. It would have been fun.

8) Do you prefer to be the one who asks questions or the one who answers them, and why??? I much prefer to answer questions. I'm an open book and actually like to talk. SHOCKER. And I think it's just a sign that I need to be famous so I can do a million interviews.

9) What is your biggest turn off and turn on?
Biggest turn-off: ugly feet, body odor and the "I'm a fucking idiot" blank stare.
Biggest turn-on: arms on a guy. I don't care if they are muscle or not I just like to hold onto them, holding hands is great but I feel more secure holding a guy's arm. Also anytime a guy does the casual soft touch? Yowzas.

10) Have you ever broken any law? I'm positive. One time I was driving home from work late at night, it was me and another car, both speeding. Then we had a cop turn around with lights flashing. I pretty much turned off a side street and parked in someone's driveway to not get pulled over. The cop waved as he drove by me. So I hid in a bush and then left like ASAP. :)

I'm supposed to pass this on to people, but anyone/everyone is welcome to it. Thank you Nikolett for passing it onto me. I am DARING you to post a question for me. Make it funny, raunchy, whatever. The more out there the better. I'll wait until later this week sometime to answer them.

I have a whole bunch of posts lined up for the coming days and weeks. Let me know if you have topics you'd like me to rant about so I can add them to the list. I'm also going to *hopefully* get my shit together for a giveaway for next week. Like a giveaway BLOWOUT.

I already have my Domestic Bitch Friday post done. Seriously. I'm that much of a rock star. Just bow down and send me free stuff already.


Ann said...

How many sex toys do you own? And do they need AAA batteries or D?

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I totally love arms on a guy too... my very favorite thing next to their eyes. Mmm yummy. Dustin had nice eyes AND arms.

However, I seriously don't know if I'd rather be a wizard or a vampire. I mean, vampires are hella sexy. But it would be fun to cast spells on people. Now if I could be a VAMPIRE WIZARD that would be awesome.

Anonymous said...

I think I have a bit of a crush on you. You are amazing and hysterical. Just thought you should know.

Love from a newly-minted lambwhore for life, Jess

Jandy xx said...

i love your guts missy, you always make my day, and i'm glad youre a bit more youreself today!
ok, i'm going off to think about the most awesome question ever, i shall be back!

Another David said...

I just finished reading Dracula. Gotta say... that dude would kick Robert Pattinson's ass anyday. The new vampires are all so lame, why?!

Ashley said...

hahaha... you crack me up. Maybe I need to work on being more humble, like you, so I can get some free stuff, too! ;)

MrsDixon said...

SO, are you telling me you wouldn't date MYYYYY husband, Rob P, if he had no arms to hold on to? Now, thats some deep stuff to consider, sister. :)

____j said...

Yessssss! For like 5 seconds I thought that you wanted to hide it from in the other Matt, so that he wouldn't be jealous. Because he is totally going to be. And, when you get it, I hope you really like it. It didn't turn out QUITE as I had planned bc people in my class are complete idiots, and well...I can't get into all that right now, but anyways....if you end up hating it and never wearing it I will never even know AKA you won't hurt my feelings ;)

SurferWife said...

Your readers ARE better than mine. But wait. You are one of MY readers so how does that work out?

I also think you are the bees vagina.

Sara said...

Ya got me at the RV description! I wanna be that crazy lady too! haha!

Question: What is your opinion on plastic surgery? :D

Danielle said...

I love when you answer surveys! It's so fun to read the answers you come up with! I have a special love for the first question AND your answer! :)

Shanel said...

You must be awesome cause people send you stuff.... I think you're my idol.... yeah... except for the fact your a Twilight fan.. I'm a True Blood is a million times better but I know you're a fan of both...:)

If you could have one super power... what would it be?

Julie H said...

I love the turning into a driveway lol. Too funny.

Hmmm question... Have you ever smoked? Dope?

Jeanette said...

I heart Jamie.

Sam said...

I would have felt like such a bad ass if I had evaded the cops like that. And i'm a sucker for bad music too, Backstreet Boys will be in town in a month or so and i'm actually contemplating going. :/ I think I might have put a Christina Aguilera song on your CD. :) Glad you liked!! Let me know how you liked the movie! I'm trying to find L Word to burn for you too since all video rental places seem to have gotten rid of it.