Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Vagueness Ends- Part Two: Friendship

So yesterday we talked about belief and basically what it means to me. Today I'm going to talk about friendship.

And please click "play" on the playlist to your right. It will enhance this post. (Sorry to the numerous lambwhores and goatsluts that absolutely hate Ke$ha and her lame excuse for an "S" but just bear with me. It's a song that instantly comes to mind when I think of this particular person I'm going to write about. Just deal with your panties up your hole.)


So friendship to me means a lot of things. It mean honesty and loyalty. Knowing that I can come to you no matter what time of day or night it is and know that you will give me your undivided attention when I need it and you know that I would do it for you. It means knowing that you will not make up lies about me. It means knowing that anything I tell you know matter what it is isn't going to go beyond the mass between your ears. And you know I would do the same for you.

My head is very much like a vault. The things I know about lots of different people is unbelievable. People who are absolute strangers just tell me things and I hold it all in. I know more about the people around me- who's cheating on their spouse, who's having a baby that isn't their husbands, who has a gambling problem his spouse hasn't picked up on. Who's on drugs and who's got a drinking problem. You name it and I probably know someone who is involved in it. And it's ok because if I can be the dumping post for someone and make them feel better or give them advice- I'm here. I like doing it and I never mind when people vent. Some of you, dear lambwhores and goatsluts, have either emailed me or messaged me on Facebook to ask me for advice. Or have told me things about you that maybe nobody knows. And I love it because I am a great listener. It is, after all, one of my best qualities.

Let's just note for the record: I have a very small group of friends. I have four friends in town that I know I can count on. One is new, but the other three have seen me at my highest high and my lowest low. They are all so very different from each other that maybe hanging out wouldn't be a blast for them but they all love me and I love them. I also have a small group of internet friends who, in their unbiased judgment and fabulous taste in a leader, have all become very near and dear to me. If you are in this group you know it. I'm not adverse to making new friends but it's hard for me. I've been wronged a lot and have learned a ton about how friends can quickly turn into bitches and douchebags.

With that note- what do you do when you find out that someone you considered a friend really isn't a friend at all? That this person would rather make themselves look better than be a friend. They are willing to throw anyone under the bus and claw their way to the top of a totem pole that doesn't even exist and they really don't care about anyone else but themselves.

And that's a shame. Because eventually- this game will catch up to you. Eventually you'll have no real friends. Eventually karma will kick you firmly in the ass and I hope it kicks you so hard you land on your face on the pavement.

Because I? Would never treat someone like I've been treated. I think it's hilarious that even though I've talked to this person and I've confided in this person because I thought that they were a friend and they had my back- I realized now that EVERYTHING I have ever told them has gone elsewhere. Seriously? Do you feel good about yourself being known as a kiss ass? Yeah- you're so upfront and truthful to our faces but when you turn around and do the opposite? You are a loser and you have no credibility.

Make no mistake: I gossip. BUT anything I ever say about anyone else I would never hesitate to say it to their face. And most of the time I do. You may not see it, you may not ever hear about it- but please believe that I voice my opinion. Nobody can ever say I'm a shrinking violet and if I have a beef with you, you are most certainly going to know about it.

What I can't stand more than anything is that when I do call someone out on someone and they flat out lie to me. Lie to my face. I hate nothing more than a liar. Really? Do you honestly think I believe you when you tell me that you didn't do these things? Or that these conversations we've had you haven't shared? Bitch, please. Do you think I have "asshole" written across my head? Because if you do then it's just your reflection you're seeing. Don't you think it's strange that you have something negative to say about EVERY single one of your "friends"? Because my friends? I have nothing but praise for them. I may disagree with a choice they make but I support them 150%. I back my friends up even if I know they are wrong. But you, dear backstabber? Are superficial. You're a bitch. You think people respect you and like you but they all think you are a bitch. You think by acting tough and being the ultimate enforcer you will gain the respect you so desperately want. But I'm sorry. You can prance around doing all of these things and all you are doing is making people not want to see you. To deal with you. But it's ok because you can play a great game. Obviously.

But this chick? Is so tired of watching you make an ass out of yourself. I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of always being on my toes because I might say or do something and you'll go running and twist it around to something it never was. I don't know why you do it, and I really don't care. But I do know that at age 28 I'm very glad that I can look back at every point in my life and know that I have never treated anyone like this. And at least I know I can look myself in the mirror and know that I'm a good person and that people like me because I'm fun, awesome and a great friend and not out of fear.


Rebel Mel said...

Just like you've said to me - I'm just an email away if you ever need anything! <3

Shanel said...

trust is hard.... i just recently said goodbye to my one and only very best friend for similiar reasons.... and I miss her very much but I'm better without her... and you are better without the person who has broken your trust.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Welcome to my world Sara. In the last few years I have lost every single person that I thought I could trust and that was a good friend. These are people I thought I'd grow old with. It's kind of horrible.

Honestly though, karma will catch up with people like that. And you deserve good people in your life. Like me =-)

SurferWife said...

Well, well, well. I hope whomever you are talking about reads this.

Well written, leader of lambs and goats. Sounds like it was a one sided friendship and you don't need that shit.

Fuegita said...

Honesty is sooo important. I used to be friends with someone that lied about everything, the stupidest little things and man I can't stand it. Because of her, I feel I have to justify and prove to everyone what I'm saying is true. But it's better for everyone their not in your life. I love your blog!!

Blue Disastrous said...

Damn, so I'm not really leaving high school?

I don't know you all that well, but you are indeed fun, awesome and a great friend (or I assume, since you've never been an idiot in all of your blogging). No one should be treated as horribly, especially someone like you. And that is not just kissing up to the leader.
I hope that someday a huuuge people-magnet will be invented and all these people with blabbermouths that stab their friends in the back AND in the chest will be lumped together and shipped out to sea, never to be seen or heard from again..

Anonymous said...

I got your back, girl. I may not know EXACTLY what is going on, but I can feel your pain over this friend situation.

My best friend (at the time) did the worst of the worst backstabbing to me and believe me when I tell you this, Karma found that bitch and smacked her the fuck up! And Karma will do the same thing to this chick.

Karam is a sneaky cold ass bitch, and she will always find you no matter how well you hide.

Sam said...

Wow, I don't ever want to get on your bad side. :)
I'm liking these posts with themes. Its like learning something new every day!

Chicken said...

Ahhh yes, the backstabbing ugly bitch faced friend. We've all had one of those. I wonder if all these girls belong to an underground club, and their job is to earn trust then pull the rug right out from under you? I love how they always act like they weren't the ones that did anything becuase "they've always been there for you". Bitch please. So sorry that you had to have a rotten friend like this. Take comfort that Karma is the biggest meanest terrible bitch out there and she always manages to bite in the ass.

Cecelia Winesap said...

I hear ya on this. I don't have friends for this reason either. I can't trust anybody to not take what I say, twist it and turn it into something bad and then try to hurt me with it. I'm already hurting, they don't need to turn it back on me.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Just know you're not alone!

Sara said...

Friendship means the same to me as it does to you. I'm part of an on-line group of women, that when it comes right down to it, I love the women, but there is always that one person. The person just turns everything toxic. It sours the experience.

Sounds like you are moving on and moving up. It is a good thing. :)

Nikolett said...

Ah girl, I wish we lived in the same town because I could picture us being real-life friends too ... I'm a bit of a dumping post and have issues with friends who don't really give a damn about anyone else ... you deserve so much more than that. You're awesome possum, and dramatic friends like that just belong on some cheesy reality TV show, or something. *HUGS*

NikkiAnn said...

Remember Karma is like a Boomerang!

I'm here for ya girl! I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but I'm here for you if you need to talk!

Anonymous said...

Hi Sara

I love reading your blog and I had to comment. I know people like you mentioned in your post. Two faced, fake gossipers. I can't take their behaviour, their little hurtful comments ( about me or my kids). The worst is that we are related and have to see each other regularly. They are my in-laws. I keep the peace because I love my husband, but I know he knows how they are. They are so bored with their monotonous lives that they gossip and insult everyone else's. There will always be people like that around, but you can choose to hang around them or not to. I have to see them but I keep my distance and I don't confide in them anymore as I have learnt my lesson. Don't let lying fake people get the better of you. Just from reading your blog, I can tell that you are a good person. I believe good people will always be better off, so don't ever stoop to their level. Chin up Goat slut ;-) Dominique

Jen Mc said...

Time to move on and leave her in the dust! I hate people like that.

Long live true friends! :)

(I swear I didn't know you had posted this before I posted mine!)


Another David said...

I'm also the vent vault for a lot of my friends. If you ever need to let something out, you know I'm pretty much always of facebook.

I've also had my trust in others misplaced. I just don't understand. When you tell someone "don't tell anyone about this because I don't want it getting around," why would they then go spreading it around? Even if you don't say it explicitly, it's like... if you wouldn't want someone spreading your shit, why spread theirs? I guess I'm too quick to trust sometimes, but I also drop it like it's hot. When I find out someone said anything they weren't supposed to, that's it. That's the end of me confiding in them.

Melissa Rugg said...

I know someone EXACTLY like that! SHe lives in your town even. We should send these two on a date!
But I totally know how you feel. I have to watch EVERYTHING I say around her because I know she will twist it to make me look like an ass and make herself look good.
I know it's tough, but your are so better off. Good luck with all your new changes. So far they all sound like they're for the better.

allena said...

I am just going to make this one quick and simple. I love you, Sara!!! And I know you are an awesome friend because in junior high (and a little bit of high school), you helped me develop into who I am. Without having you as my BFF, life would have sucked. Plain and simple.