Saturday, October 9, 2010

I can read, yall!

It's time for some more book reviews lambwhores/goatsluts! That's right- get your spectacles, note pad and a pen because here's what you should (or maybe not?) be reading.

My Fair Lazy- Jen Lancaster
My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is the New Black, or, a Culture-Up Manifesto

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty snarky and bitchy in real life. I'm a cross between Chelsea Handler and Jen Lancaster. Except I don't have money for nice stuff, I don't have money for a personal trainer, and I am not able to get famous by getting it on with a TV executive. Not that these things aren't fabulous...the opportunities just haven't presented themselves. Yet.

Call me if you have hookups.

But I've read all of Jen's and while I was kind of disappointed in Pretty In Plaid, this book made up for it. This book is how she is basically trying to refine herself, culture up, and be a grown up. Mostly because she is addicted to reality television. While I can't say I'm anywhere near knowledgeable about reality television as she, I will admit to watching Flavor or Love. Ok fine, I watched Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Don't judge me. (And I currently love Ochocinco. And T.O. I can't help myself.)

This book had my laughing throughout because I know I'm a society failure. I could never go to fancy things without embarrassing myself or whoever I was with. I just can't. There were some parts were I was laughing so hard because it's something that I have done myself. Example- she is in Chinatown and obviously can't speak the language. "So I start talking slower and louder because part of me secretly believes that everyone understands English if you talk slowly and loudly...". Now TELL ME that you haven't done that!! In another part she talks about taking on three feral kittens which she dubiously names "The Thundercats". Her description of them? "Sneezy, rheumy, wheezy, itchy, and one of them has what appears to be a giant pink balloon attached to his butt." PETA- you need Jen Lancaster as the face of a "Save the Animals" campaign. :) And I already call my three the Thundercats because they are seriously insane.

So go get this book- I promise it'll be worth the read.

Blood Memories (Vampire Memories, No. 1)

This is apparently book one in a series but I don't know if I'm going to continue. I actually got this book for $1 at Barnes & Noble online during their summer sale so I didn't care if it sucked or not. Yay for bargains. But essentially it's about Eleisha, who was turned into a vampire to take care of an old man who was her maker's father. But basically- shit hits the fan when her vampire mentor/friend kills himself and she finds herself being tracked down by a human who has special abilities and his psycho cop partner. This is WAY different from other vampire books because one major thing lacking: sex. No joke. I think this Eleisha is a virgin or something but it's weird. It was a fast read, and it did have some mystery that kept me thinking. 


This is a Young Adult book that again, got on clearance. But I have to tell you- it's not what I expected AT ALL. Because I? Actually loved it. This was a fast read as well simply because you couldn't put it down. It's about Caitlin, who's younger sister runs away and leaves Caitlin to basically fill her shoes. Caitlin joins the cheer leading squad, which she doesn't love, and somewhere along the way she meets a mysterious boy, Rogerson. And it goes really well until things take a turn for the worse with Rogerson. And I'm not going to beat around the bush- it's about an abusive teenage relationship. When your first boyfriend beats you up. It was absolutely compelling and I hope that if you know of a teenage girl in a relationship or on the brink of being in one that you get this book. It's not a true story per say but everything in it is exactly how it would be in real life. Great book for teenagers without a doubt. And adults because we've all be in a relationship where you know you shouldn't be there. It might not be physically abusive but you know it's not where you should be.

Riley Jenson Guardian Novels- Keri Arthur
Full Moon Rising (Riley Jensen, Guardian, Book 1)
Oh...these are GOOD. Seriously GOOD. I got these two as a gift and only just now got into them and I'm kicking myself in the ass. I Kissing Sin (Riley Jensen, Guardian, Book 2)have finished book three and am about half way through book four. These are so awesome, I don't know where to start. I really can't compare them to anything because they are just great on their own and they don't need an example.

The quick and dirty- Riley Jenson works for the Directorate of Other Races- which is basically the police officers, judge, and jury of anything that isn't a human. She's also a freak in the sense she's half werewolf and half vampire. Her twin, Rhoan, is the same (obviously). She has a vampire lover who maybe wants to be more but neither is really sure, Quinn. She has a whole gang of other lovers. It's just super fun. Nobody is what they seem and every time I think "OK- he's got to be a good guy" I'm always wrong.

Each book is FULL of mystery, sex (seriously- so much sex happening in these), and drama. And you keep turning the page. You think you know what's going on but you don't and the mystery keeps building. I'm in book four and I'm like DYING to know what the hell is happening next. Keri Arthur has er...quite the imagination... and I think that you will love how she unfolds these stories. You learn about new creatures (my favorite description was in book 3 where Riley meets a spirit lizard name Iktar who basically "unfolds" his penis from inside himself -it's weird- and it's covered in barbs. And Riley flat out tells him sex is not happening. Seriously- the visual with some of these creatures is pretty damn cool.) and it puts a spin on the whole on a paranormal romance/mystery. These are actually found in the Fantasy section at Barnes & Noble, but don't let that turn you off. These books are FABULOUS reads.

Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices, Book 1)

If you have not read Cassandra Clare's Immortal Instruments series yet (City of Bones, City of Angels, City of Glass)- you are a loser. And I suggest that if you don't want to look like an asshole you better get on it. It's a Young Adult series so you won't find sex even though it should totally be an adult series with sex...yeah. Anyways. It's still great.

But Clockwork Angel is the prequel of sorts to the series that just came out, so I don't know that it matters what you read first. This book is fabulous and I have to say I am so impressed with Cassandra's writing style because the world she creates and all the knowledge she puts into it is really amazing. I can't even imagine how she came up with all of the twists and turns but truly- she is a fantastic writer. I love how the guys in her books come off as bad boys but secretly- they want to be loved. And you obviously have a girl wanting and willing to break them down. This book ended with a huge cliff hanger so I am anxiously awaiting a new one. She is definitely one of the authors to watch for. And I've heard a rumor that the movie rights have been bought for the Mortal Instruments series which would be AMAZING. I would be very interested to see this come into a visual medium like that.

So yeah. That was my last 8 days of reading. Seriously. I have a TON of books coming up to read so check back next Saturday to see what I've finished. :)


Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Ooh some of these I need to read!

Have you read any of Sarah Dessen's other books? They're all really good!

Just Plain Tired said...

I just popped in because you can never get tired of being called a lambwhore. And hey...goatslut is a new one to me. Hope you're having a great weekend, and stuff.

Sandra said...

I'm in the process of reading "My Fair Lazy." I too have read all of Jen's books (like how I'm on a first name basis with her?) and wasn't thrilled with the last one. So far this one is sort of keeping me interested, but I think it's going to be hard for her to outdo her first two.
Great book review. This is a great idea for a blog post.

asj said...

so fun, I definitely want to read the new Jen Lancaster now!