Saturday, October 23, 2010

I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Excuses….Not Anymore!

I participated in the SITS Find Your Tribe challenge and one of our challenges was to get one of the people in our little sub group to guest post for you and then you do the same for them. Which is hard because I don't like giving up the reigns to my blog. Mostly because I'm selfish and yeah. It's MY blog. But the fun part is that I love guest posting for other people. Sometimes my crazy only goes one way. Leave me alone.

So with that said, I want you to show some love for Di, who's home is over at Moon Clippings and you need to go there and show her some lambwhore loving. (Condoms not provided.) (Sorry, we're on a tight budget and some stuff just had to go.)


I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Excuses….Not Anymore!

So maybe I watch a lot of television. I will admit to that freely. There are, however, several shows I hate to admit to anyone that I watch. Since this is not my blog, and I don’t know you folks, I feel I can get away will a true confessions of my own. Thank you Lovely Sara for letting me get this of my bloggy chest.

I am obsessed with watching the shows on the morbidly obese. I’m not talking about The Biggest Loser, which of course, I watch – not all 2 hours each week, mind you. Once I Tivo passed the whining and blah, blah and only watch the challenge and the weigh in, it only takes 20 minutes.

That’s not what I’m talking about. I am talking about when Discovery or History or MTV or Nickelodeon has a show about the 600, 800, 900 lb. person who is bedridden. I am captivated. No matter what I was watching before I flipped over to this channel, it’s gone:

The Presidential debate (well, duh, no brainer there);

My kids recorded football game (sorry guys. Hey, it’s a video. Hello? We can get back to it later);

The final episode of Lost (Did I miss much? Were all my questions answered? Yah, thought so).

I don’t know what it is. However, I do suspect the producers know what it is. I am thoroughly engrossed. From the beginning of his sad story to the point where he is at now, I’m there. All the diets he tried, the sadness, the pain that has brought him to this life, I am with him. He is 6 of me, but I feel connected.

Do I get angry? You bet I do. I will yell at the set “NO!!! Don’t bring him that! Can’t you see you’re part of the problem?? He can’t get up!! He has to eat what you bring him, please, please,” I implore, “Bring him a salad.” And then the wife goes on to show us what he eats for breakfast. 3 loaves of bread and a 24 egg omelet, a package of bacon, box of doughnuts.<>

I want to jump in my car, drive over and tell her she’s out (just like Heidi Klum in Project Runway, yes I watch that, too) Auf Wiedersehen. I will have him down 200 lbs by next Tuesday.

My husband is incredulous.

“Did you just spend two hours of your life watching this?”

“Well, all my work was done, bills are paid, there’s nothing else on.” Oh, hell, now I’m just making excuses (the kids didn’t blab about that football thing, whew).

“Why do they put this stuff on television?” He stares at the set. “It’s like a circus, don’t you feel like you are invading his privacy?”

“Well, the cameras are in his house, I think he’s pretty much aware he’s on a show, dear. Besides, it’s not as if he really knows I am watching.” I know, right. Who would allow this?

His eyes widen, “Oh, that’s just not right,” he’s watching them try to roll him over”. He leaves me in disgrace.

The worst is when they run back-to-back episodes. I always think, this next one can’t be as bad as the one I just watched, and unbelievably, it is!!!

So, after I watch the failed attempt to get him to his church to be married, I click off the set, search the Internet to make sure he is still alive. He is – although still bedridden. I go downstairs to get a drink of water and am I ever so, so, so glad I did. I was so quiet in my decent, that my husband didn’t hear me. He was too engrossed in the show “Hoarders”!!!

Revenge is mine!!!!!


Miranda said...

Good post! I know exactly how you feel. I think we all have those guilty pleasure shows. Mine? Intervention. It's horrific, sad an awful but there is a gravitational pull between me and watching these people shoot up, hallucinate and black out. It's shameful. But like you said I have no idea what it is but those damn producers and their smarts!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I found myself getting addicted to Intervention, which always seems to have me screaming at the TV. I try to not admit I watch it because honestly, those people being on the TV in the first place is just getting them attention. But it's strangely engrossing...

Just Plain Tired said...

I've watched a few of those shows myself. I sometimes think the obese person allows the camera/networks to do the show for the payment to simply buy more food, which in turn keeps them obese.

Alpha Za said...

Haha, we'd hate to admit it, but we all love watching these shows with the inevitable train crash.

everyone's got a guilty secret show! Mine's glee.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

My husband gets sucked into those "Where are they now" shows on E and VH1 that feature 80's stars. Why do you care what happened to that guy who sang with Men at Work?

Mrs Midnite said...

I alwayd think if I could have these shows on a loop I would be stick thin. They always put me off food, not an easy thing.

Helena said...

This is captivating. Just reading about this show is making me want to go watch an episode. Only, without my usual box of cookies...

Another David said...

Those shows are all like train wrecks, and I love them all.