Monday, October 25, 2010

It's Not Too Early...

... to start shopping for my Christmas gift. For the last two Christmases Matt and I have gotten each other like one gift each. I would usually get my Dilbert Desk Calendar but since I'm not necessarily at a desk job anymore it isn't needed. That and I would have no where to put it. And he would get shirts that weren't gross and permanently dirty. So they were pretty boring since we were always broke.

But this year? He's gotten a raise which means not only am looking for something cool for him but I expect something really rad too. And I deserve it because hi- I was his underwear. And socks. And honestly? If you saw the state of his jeans you'd buy me something too.

But every year he says he doesn't know what to get me and that I'm picky. Which is LAUGHABLE because worst case scenario- you tell me to buy something for myself. Um, yes, please. So to make it easier on him and all of you, here's what I want:

1. A Nook. Don't bull shit me with your stupid Kindle ways. "Kindle" reminds me of "fire" and "fire" means DANGER in my world. I don't need to be anywhere near something that could be related to fire. It's a miracle I haven't burned down our house lighting candles. But Nook sounds cute and fun. Like midgets. I could see a midget being named Nooky and we call him Nook for short. I love midgets and I'd like to carry one around, so naturally I'd like a Nook.

2. An iPod that's got enough capacity to blow my mind. I have a piece of shit 8GB right now which is laughable because I barely have anything on it when you look at my music collection. I've got hundreds of cd's not loaded on there and that makes me sad. Like I want to listen to my Busta Rhymes WITH my Jewel. And they should party with my Debussy and then my Marilyn Manson. My cd's are like a big family. And I need them with me at all times.

3. A gift card to Barnes and Noble. Let's be frank- I have an addiction and there is no cure. It's kind of like chronic yeast infections. Without a new book it's like that itching and burning sensation but as soon as I have a new book it's like someone put Monistat on the itch. I'd give you a list of books but let's be real- I'll probably buy them for myself before then. So get me a gift card.

4. Robert Pattinson. I would like to do dirty things to him. The cardboard cutout isn't real conducive to that and I feel like, right now, it's only a one way relationship.

5. These shoes. In 7.5, please.

6. Some AA batteries. I'm currently out because I purposely didn't buy them as a form of punishment and yeah. Batteries are expensive lambwhores. Your leader needs batteries. For my toys. They feel sad and unloved. Let me love them.

7. A new camera. Preferably one that works. Mine is on it's last legs I fear and I need a new one before this thing dies a painful death via me throwing it on the ground.

8. You can get me an iTunes gift card. I'm becoming increasingly irritated with Apple and their shittastic customer service as far as iTunes but because I'm lazy at heart I'm not willing to convert to anything. Because converting takes time and patience, both of which I no longer have. Anyways- my "want to buy it but can't because I have to pay for groceries and at some point get a pap smear" list is getting huge. We're talking multiple pages. See-- you could all go in on a joint gift! The iPod AND the gift card.

9. A Liberator. Google it.

So that's the beginning of my list. I don't think I'm difficult to shop for at all. I mean my interests vary between reading, music and toys and you could combine any of these. I'm open for suggestions. :)

Anyways. So today I started back up at Curves and I remember now why I hate going. They have the worst music and I have a hard time keeping a straight face with these people flailing about at the recovery stations. But today I ran into an old co-worker and she was one I really miss. Such a nice lady and I miss chatting with her. Anyways- so I seen her and I chatted politely but it was so awkward. I really just wanted to ask her flat out what the deal was and if it was because of something she heard, because of the things I've heard that have been said about me I can tell you they are all false. Two people have asked me if I got fired and I didn't. I quit because my dad got sick and it just changed how child care was going to be handled (since my mom watches my kids when I work) and it wasn't worth working to put them in day care. I miss my job because I loved what I did, but to be honest? I don't miss the drama. I don't miss doing other people's work. I don't miss listening to someone complain about how another person doesn't do their job yet that person gets away with it. You can read all about my ultimate decision here. And since that all went down in May every day I wake up feeling relieved, happy, and stress free. My personality is back to awesome, Matt has noticed a big change in me, I feel like I'm not homicidal anymore and all of that means I made the best decision. But the fact that someone feels the need to make up lies about me because their life is so unfulfilled and boring is amusing to me. And it's kind of sad. Because I was the youngest of the bunch at age 28 and the fact that people older than me, who are apparently much smarter than I am, resort to this? Sad.

And I feel like even though it's been a transition for Matt and I, it's the best thing I could have done. And I'm happy with that. I'm sad that when I run into people it's weird and awkward and part of me would like to set it all straight- but then a bigger part of me knows I have moved on. And I know karma is a bitch and I only hope I get to see it in my lifetime.


Paige said...

the shoes! the shoes! i vote the shoes!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I wish Dustin would get a raise? I want a nice Christmas present =-(

Shirley said...

Oh my fucking goodness!! Those shoes are adorable. I love shoe shopping because it doesn't really matter how much weight I gain or lose. They always fit.

Miranda said...

Being the super organized and selfish brat I am have created "Miranda-Christmas" and "Dennis-Christmas" in the Favorites on the computer. So whenever either of us sees something online we can link to it right there - right size,color, etc and it helps with the ol' guesswork.

Jandy xx said...

I vote the shoes too.... and we could totes swap shoes whilst on our road trip, coz we're like totally the same size, OMG!


as for your old work, it's a flaw in their personality, not yours, that they feel the need to make stuff up about you - besides, any one that matters reads your blog right? so they know the truth! xx

Asha said...

I got to agree with the cick above me. When all else fails, go with the shoes. For laughs, check out this youtube vid:
And don't forget to visit me as well:

Lost said...

Robert Pattinson will be delivered down your chimney on the 24th wearing nothing but a big bow. Promise ;)

Annah said...

That's the "beginning" of your list? Poor husband of yours. Shoes are cutie. But I go for the ipod. The gift that keeps on giving.

Also? What is this all about "And I deserve it because hi- I was his underwear"? You used to be your husband's underwear?


Just Plain Tired said...

I think a Barnes and Noble gift card is an excellent choice myself. Since my kids are older Christmas is easy for me. Cash is what they like. Although I mixed it up last year with cash and a gift card to the Buckle last year for them. Now that I've got a grandchild a "real" gift for her happens though. Since she'll only be two this Christmas cash isn't a good option.

asj said...

you have inspired me to start my holiday list for others (and myself)... I'm torn on if I'd like a nook/kindle/whatever - there's something I love about a book (but we're running out of space) TORN. we'll seeeeee. :)

Chicken said...

I agree with the Nook. I think that Kindle sounds like some slutty girl in HS that nobody likes. She is the cheerleader that has 10 kids by the age of 25 and packs on 200lbs.
Nook sounds like a warm cozy window seat over looking the ocean. Relaxing and no slutty context, of course unless you like to get busy on a window seat.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Love the shoes.

To me, Nook sounds like some pokey little afterthought of an area no one knows what to do with so they stick unwanted or unused stuff in there. Like where you keep the skis and snowboard in summer. Kindle though sounds like it is about to start something exciting, Kindle your imagination as it were. Plus, well, Amazon was my friend out here in the boonies long before anyone else was and brought me books to read in my isolation, so I have a fondness for them.

I lack that fondness for iTunes so I buy my music from Amazon.

DLK said...

I'm still laughing about little Nooky - so I'd def. have to vote for him!

Jen said...

Nookie is a euphemism for sex in the UK, just so you know ;)

The shoes are fabulous! I want too! Still laughing that they are made of "vegan friendly leather" WTF??

Anonymous said...


Oh, My Darling said...

Ooh, such a fun Christmas list!