Saturday, November 27, 2010

Funny, Honest, and Exhausted.

I've gotten two blog awards recently and I'm SORRY I've forgotten to post them. Whoopsy shit.

The first one is from Jess and she gave me this one:
There are rules such as I need to pass this on to 7 blogs that I regularly laugh at. Well.... I have a bunch- but I'm only going to pass it onto one blog because that's how this bitch rolls homie. It's going to go to Neal at You Know What Really Grinds My Gears. Not just because he's one of my blog besties, or because he keeps me entertained with his emails, or because he's adorable as hell (and these are all fine reasons) but because he really is hilarious. His blog brightens my morning when I see a post in my Google Reader because not only will I laugh but I will agree, most of the time. So Neal- cheers to you lover.

Then Aimee gave me the Honest Scrap award. Which is fitting because I tend to be a little bit too honest sometimes.
The rules are that I have to list 10 honest things about ME. So here we go:

1. I have a desire to wear a short skirt and really tall boots. I don't know why and it doesn't really seem like a sexual thing. Just something I want to do.

2. If I could afford to do it- I would have liposuction or whatever to get rid of the little pouch between my va-jay-jay and belly button. I've had that weird thing my whole life and no matter what I do it never goes away. It's annoying. So if I could..... I would have surgery to fix that. Even though I've seen surgery shows and the post op stuff is fucking disgusting. Like I'd have to make someone else clean the stitches or whatever because no fucking way could I do it.

3. Which brings me to the fact I can't handle blood, puke, or shit. Pee... not a problem. Unless it's a really large amount of pee where I can smell the pee... then it's a problem. The others... ew. I can't handle it. Not if it's mine, not if it's my kids, nothing. If I see it, you'll find me gagging and more likely, puking nearby.

4. Which brings me to the fact I have a terrible gag reflex. I once gagged sucking out of a straw. True story. Totally embarrassing. I can make my gag reflex start without having anything in my mouth. Just the thought having something in my mouth will make me gag.

5. I'm a pussy when it comes to scary movies. Folks- I couldn't even watch Scream (the first one) because I was TERRIFIED. And I tried HARD because I was absolutely in love with Skeet Ulrich. I think it's maybe because one of my fears is to be abducted in the dark and then butchered, so watching that actually happen on TV or in a movie is not really a good time for me. But I was scared during Harry Potter #5 and #6 so you can just make fun of me now. It's ok- I can take it.

6. Since I am scared of the dark, if I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee- I'm ok getting to the bathroom. It's the coming back to bed that freaks me out. So what I'll do is that once I get to my living room, I run really fucking fast through there, into my room, and make an Olympic style jump over my linen chest onto my bed. Why? Because I watched a show once where a killer hid under the bed and grabbed someones ankles. My friend did that to me once and I literally pissed myself. DON'T EVER DO THAT TO ME. So I invariably wake Matt up once I jump onto the bed. And the poor cats now get off the bed once they see me coming.

7. Christmas is the only holiday I get excited for (except for my birthday... obviously). I have a ridiculous amount of decorations and I wait the ENTIRE year to buy more. I have spent the entire weekend putting decorations up, then changing where I had them, etc just because it's fun.

8. But that brings me to what Matt considers to be an unhealthy obsession with snowmen. To which I say- fuck you. Snowmen are adorable and I love them all. Who doesn't love fat men with scarves? Huh? Losers, that's who. But in recent years I've been banned from buying snowmen stuff and was only allowed to buy Santa. Well Santa is overloading my house- so I'm going back to snowmen. Mostly because Pier One will put their stuff on sale soon and I'm hoping to score the topsy turvy green snowman. (For the record- he'd match my topsy turvy Santa so that will be my bargaining chip.)

9. I am appalled to hear how many people have NOT gone to a sex toy party. This came up at our last blogger get together and again FOUR other times I've gotten together with people. Personally, this is a travesty. I think everyone should attend one at least once to be in awe at the awesome. When we host the next get together up north- that's what we're doing. And you're all invited. I'm serious. I can't let you go on being lambwhores and goatsluts without being educated. Vibrators and cock rings are you friends.

10. Hmmm... what can I end this list with???? Um... oh- I got my period at age 12. There. That's personal, right? Personal and gross. So there you go.

So yeah- I'm not posting tomorrow night because we're putting up our tree and rearranging furniture and yeah. I'll be tired. Maybe more tired than I am tonight. We had Thanksgiving Round 2 at my in laws tonight and so we've only been home for maybe 30 minutes. The kids are already in bed, I fell asleep on the way home AND I still feel like crap. Oh- here's some fun news. So you know how I'm in major debt to the vet for Lenny? Well Matt just informed me he needs to make repairs to his Jeep. Great. I'll just pull that out of the asshole that dispenses money that I haven't found yet. *sigh*


Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I'm right there with you Sara - the check engine light on my car came on so now I get to pay for whatever's wrong with it. And Dustin is currently down at the bar drinking away our money. Ugh.

Ruth said...

I have a terrible gag reflex too. I started to gag brushing my back upper teeth. Not as bad with an electric toothbrush which is good.

I do that rushing back to bed thing.
I thought it was just me.

Lost said...

Oh My Gandhi!

<3 you Sara.

And your the spot above your love muffin is beautiful. Don't change it.

ps. I have got so much goss for you. A teaser - butterface had butter all over her face (not really, but she was involved). ta ta :)

DLK said...

Sara you crack me up! I get a little thrill when I see new blog post from you, too!

I can't handle's written into my marriage contract that hubby has to handle all puke related incidents. BTW I can count on one hand how many times my 4 kids have puked their entire lives. #3 has never and he's twelve! Anyway, hubby's a lucky shit!

I think we should start a group NAWSLA (North American Women Snowman Love Assoc.) Have a great night!

Anonymous said...

I am desparatly trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I am the same way with decorations and all, I pulled them all out yesterday but they are just sitting there....and here I am.

yeah, I am a slacker.

Danielle said...

My mom totally has an obsession with Snowmen as well, and I can't lie they really are adorable! I'm also terrified to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, to the point where I start shaking my legs and doing a "pee-pee dance" laying down until I'm literally one second away from totally wetting my bed. As DLK posted above, I also get really excited when I see a new post from you! :)

Nicki said...

Ay yi yi, money problems. I think us bloggers need to get together and form a Holiday Hooking ring. And I ain't talking crochet, honey.

Chicken said...

If you combine #3 and #4 I must admit you'd be a horrible date for me. Who doesn't like getting pee'd on?

Mr O said...

you should make a trophy case with all your awards

and as far as #5... I don't think you should watch Dexter haha

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I'm always surpried by the people who haven't been to a sex toy party.

I mean seriously.

My MOM went to a sex toy party when she was 67. (I didn't ask what she bought because something you just don't need to know)