Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm not a baby--- I'm a genetic freak.

Before I get into tonight's post-- you absolutely, without a doubt, NEED to read this post HERE to understand tonight's post.

It's ok-- I'll wait. (While waiting... click on "play" on my play list to your right. It's my new favorite song starting us off. Me and the kids have been jamming hard core to this. Olivia told me it makes her want to jump and jump a lot. Fucking AMEN.)

And for the record- if you didn't read that post please do not post me a stupid question like, "What won't you eat" because I'll secretly hate you and I may or may not do a little voodoo bit on you. (OK- so I don't know how to do voodoo but I'm sure YouTube can show me how.)

The other day while bored and online, I came across an article about adult picky eaters. I clicked on it because anyone who knows me in real life knows I am a huge picky eater. I basically don't eat anything good for me. Ever. I mean... I do-- there are things I will eat but basically it's really hard. But I was reading the article and everything described me. (You can read the article here if you want)

Selective eaters tend to like similar foods, with an emphasis on the bland and processed. They love salt. French fries are a favorite. Bacon is the only meat many of them will eat. Fruit, vegetables and alcohol are snubbed for the most part — with light beer and raw carrots being possible exceptions.

Hi- my name is Sara and my favorite foods include salt and french fries. I could live off of the french fries from Wendy's or Flame. I buy pretzel rods mostly to suck off the huge chunks of salt. I don't actually care for bacon but I'll eat hamburger, steak, chicken, turkey, or pork as long as there is no visible fat anywhere near what I'll be eating and I have a crap ton of ketchup. I don't like fruit (except grapes and red apples), vegetables (except lettuce and grapes), and I don't like beer. I prefer my food to come out of a package because the whole "it came out of my garden" (which is mostly dirt and bugs) is disgusting. Trust me- pesticides sound tastier than a fucking bug.

And Zucker's research suggests picky eaters reject foods based on sensory qualities other than taste: They don't like the look or smell of certain (most) foods.

I won't eat most foods that look weird or have a weird texture. I specifically don't eat bananas because they feel the same in my mouth as stepping on dog poop feels on my shoe. Gross. That's just one example.

Most people with this disorder are highly embarrassed by their limited food repertoire and will go to great lengths to keep it hidden, either by avoiding social events that involve food or drinks (which ones don't?), or by making up excuses to avoid eating, such as fibbing about an upset belly.
Oh so very true. I hate, hate, HATE when I am going out with a group and you get the asshole that says, "Let's make Sara pick since she's so picky." No. Because if I had to pick we'll end up at Wendy's or at my house having peanut butter and jelly with a side of pretzel rods (again, for the salt). Or we'll have pepperoni pizza rolls. Or Captain Crunch cereal. (I have service for 12 as far as dishes... come on over.)

I don't like going places where food is served because I know that the chance of me finding anything to eat is going to be slim to none. And most hostesses will be offended if I come for dinner and just watch everyone eat. Clearly, it's obvious I'm not anorexic so they presume it's because I think they make sucky food. Well- they kind of do because it does look like barf to me, but it's totally me. I get that I'm a freak. I go to dinner at my inlaws and I know my mother in law is a good cook. Everyone says so. But I barely eat when I'm there. And I hate it because I do feel bad that she went through all of this effort... and I just can't do it. I am not really able to try new things. I hate going to buffets because I can usually never find anything. I can't go to dinner theatres because I know I won't be able to eat what they serve. Just a few examples.

I never make people make exceptions for me. I'm content to find SOMETHING to eat and just pick everything weird or gross off.

And really? My fear about traveling to any place outside of the U.S is the food. I will probably die of starvation. How long can you last without eating? I mean, it'd have to be a short trip. Or I'd have to smuggle in candy for meals.

And even if you read some of the comments on there- it's obvious that a lot of people are ignorant to things they don't understand or even have experienced. If you don't like a certain food... that's one thing. It's not a big deal. But to not like a whole variety of foods... for no real reason other than the look of it, the smell, the texture, etc... that's a problem.
I'll be honest- I'm kind of glad that there is more coming on this topic. I have gone my whole life being criticized for what I will and won't eat, people get frustrated that I can't just force it down to be polite (well...I could.. but I would most certainly barf on the table and I think that's ruder than just not trying). And people try to give me recipes and tell me "you can't even taste it!" well that's bull. I can taste it. If I even think something is in there I can taste it. It's awful. Try dieting like this. Most diets tell you to up your fruits and veggies and that'll help. Well you can only eat so many fucking grapes and apples before you're BFF's with your toilet and understanding why they make cushioned seats.


Zoƫ said...

I went back and read your old posts and yeah, I can't even imagine how hard that is to manage. I mean, sometimes I find being a vegetarian hard cause I get bored of certain foods or can't find anything to eat, but based on your eating habits I do think it would be fairly impossible to diet. I have grown out of some things I didn't like as a kid though- there's actually evolutionary reasons for kids being extra-sensitive to bitterness in things like brussel sprouts- so hopefully that happens for you a little bit? It must be really hard to come up with meals. On the bright side, basically every country in the world has mcdonalds which usually has french fries and hamburgers so you'd probably be okay if you like food from there.

Shirley said...

This is interesting. I have never met anyone like this. But I do have a solution. If people are giving you a hard time tell them to fuck off and then you probably won't hear about it for a while:)

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Dude. The only thing that isn't ME about this is that I love pretty much any fruit and I do not like bacon (the fat grosses me out). Otherwise, totally me.

I mean, I love cruises because they allow me to go to other countries but I can still run back to the boat and eat a burger. I don't like going to get togethers or restaurants I don't know because I worry I won't like any of the food. And the list goes on.

We are two peas in a pod.

Jon Hanson said...

I sometimes feel sorry for people like you. Life must be hell.

I can eat almost anything, anytime. No matter what kind of function I go to, fancy, crappy, big, small.. I always know the food won't bother me.


Ms. Ro Chelle said...

I'm a new reader of your blog. This topic is quite interesting. My 6 year old daughter is VERY picky. To this day she has never ever tried hamburger - ground or in patty form. There are multitudes of things she will not eat. Sometimes I'm not sure if she is just a 6 year old picky person or if she truly has some food aversions.

I myself cannot handle onions. If I see onions in food it automatically makes me not want to finish it. The kicker? I can eat them in salsa. But only salsa that I make. That's it. Strange.

Unknown said...

Poor love, I live for food. Just wondering if you suffered recurrent sinus infections as a child. It has been suggested that inflamed or enlarged adenoids or tonsils can affect one's desire for different tastes and textures. I also believe that the body seeks out the minerals it is missing. Possibly you need more potassium or your blood pressure is low, hence the salt-lust. Although who doesn't like salt....?

Nyx said...

So i was watching extreme eaters the other day and they had this exact topic on it!

i totally had a flashback to your original post detailing what you won't eat.

they tried making this girl who only ate french fries eat a fried carrot, and i couldn't help but think 'eww, i eat everything but i wouldn't even eat that.'

Josie said...

I was gonna type about a couple things that I totally agreed with.....and then I realized I agreed with everything and I didn't want to re-type your post in the comment box.

I work at this awesome 'Mexican' restaurant, and I always want to eat the salsa because it looks soooo good, but I don't like tomatoes or onions. However, any tomato by-product? I'm all over that shit. And I like the flavor of onion in stuff.

Oh, and, bananas? I have to have someone else slice them up really thin and I eat them with a fork (because I won't touch them with my hands.)

Anonymous said...

i am right there with you. I hate most veg and fruit but mostly because its the texture not the taste. YACK. and no one gets it. bland flavourless simple food is my favourite. its good to read about someone else who is in the same boat as me.

Anonymous said...

I once ate a pound of grapes in one sitting. When I was like eight. Yeah, no shit!!

Actually, no....LOTS OF SHIT. As in, my mom was afraid I would shit my intestines out it was so bad.

It took me a year to even be able to look at a grape.

Krissy said...

I am a kindred spirit in many of your pains. There are few fruits and veggies I will eat, although I'll eat the hell out of some salad. But when you are trying to diet, that even gets really old pretty fast. I am a meat and potatoes person! And don't give me some exotic crap either.


Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I bet you can figure out voodoo from YouTube.


Isn't the Internet great?

Julie H said...

My middle child is like that. Loves salt and bacon lol.

Mr O said...

I've kind of always been picky. I hate onions with a passion. But my sister used them to flavor a steak once and I have to admit that I liked it.

FinnyKnits said...

All horror aside, you'll probably be the one that can survive a nuclear holocaust when the only thing left to eat are Twinkies and processed packaged whoknowswhat to which the rest of us aren't acclimated.

It does make me sad, though, that you can't really travel because of Food Fear. I'd say you'd be OK in Germany, because of all the fries, but then everything else (including the FABULOUS beer) would be a disaster. They don't really *do* a lot of vegetables over there, but they do a LOT of sausage and I know that's on your no-no list.

That said, I'm sending you some pickles. And because only assholes and communists make sweet pickles, you know the ones I make are dills. So delicious. Keep an eye on the mailbox, lover.

Another David said...

Don't be afraid to travel, there's always a McDonalds nearby!