Thursday, November 11, 2010

Survey says...

I have posted serious stuff this entire week and I'm done. I can't do it. My brain hurts and I need to gear myself up for a SUPER fun girls weekend. That's right- Krysten is hosting a MN/WI blog get together at her house on Saturday and I'm happy. It'll be an awesome way to end a shittastic week. I'm spending the night and we're shopping IKEA on Sunday and yes. Pictures will come....

Oh- Lenny update. He's home! YAY! Our bill is like $1100 but still.. he's home. He's on a special diet for awhile to clean out his system. But he bit my butt as soon as I walked into the door! AND he started humping his blanket again. Which is a great segway to the topic of the evening...

To lighten the mood I decided I am going to take The Empress up on her challenge and participate in the Sex Survey Part Deux. I think some people are going to get squeamish and not play along and that sucks. But I'm game so you know.. here we go. If you don't want to read about this STOP READING NOW. Do NOT read this and then complain to me later about you hate that I write about this. For my sanity and my time, stop reading if sex makes you squeamish.

The Ranter’s Box Sex Survey

1. Of the five primary sexual activities that include vadge sex, oral sex, rubbing one out solo, partnered masturbation and anal sex, which do you rate as your favorite sexual activity? I would say vadge sex. Only because you can do so much with that. I like oral as well..but see #2. Anyways- you can do a lot with vadge. Versatile is always the way to go. Can I just say that partnered masturbation is weird? Because watching someone masturbate does nothing for me. Is it supposed to? Is there something wrong with me? It just seems boring and blah. So that's my least favorite thing.

2. When it comes to giving AND receiving, what do you really think/feel about oral sex? I like to receive.. not so much give. I've talked about this a few times and honestly? It comes down to two things: gag reflex and I'm a picky eater. Which, laugh all you want, is serious. I refuse to swallow and something about spitting during an intimate act kind of seems weird to me. PLUS then you have a mess. It's best to not mess with it at all. And some guys complain that a girl can have a weird taste. (So can you guys... FYI) But honestly? You can change that based on what you eat. Ladies- keep your whistles clean.

3. What is one sexual fantasy that you have yet to enact? I'm one of the few that don't really have erotic fantasies. Mostly because if I want to do something... I work it in. So in lieu of that... we'll talk about things I like- spur of the moment sex, anticipatory sex (where it's arranged ahead of time and you KNOW it's going to happen and your partner is making it obvious they can't wait--- this works best if you are at a function before so you can eye each other up from across the room), semi rough sex (I like moving around, being tossed on a bed, etc). That kind of stuff. If I could get all three at once...well hot damn.

4. Thumbs up or Thumbs Down regarding anal sex? I'm thumbs up. BUT... and this is a huge but (heehee) you have to have a partner willing to communicate. Communication is key anyways, but when you're doing that you need to not only be able to trust the person but be able to communicate with them. Yes, it hurts at first. But so did vag the first time, peeps. Read up on it with your partner and be prepared. And, for the sake of all humanity, please make sure you prepare yourself, ladies. You know what I mean. Nobody wants to deal with that.

5. What is your favorite sex position? I'm an on top kind of girl for a big finish. I mostly like to try new things and switch positions. *Confession* I have a tipped uterus which is no big deal, it's actually pretty damn common. Anyways- it's at an angle which makes it really hard to have an orgasm on my back. So I've never had an orgasm on my back. It feels really great.. it just doesn't happen for me. Which is why I like to move around. I've had friends who would NEVER orgasm and my advice has always been- get on top- it might work for you. And I realize that some girls are self conscious about their body and being on top makes it worse.. but honestly? If the guy was unattracted to you... you wouldn't be having sex with him in the first place. And fake it. Seriously just fake the confidence- you'll enjoy yourself much more.

6. Yay or Nay when it comes to sex toys? If so, what kind? I'm a big YAY. Variety is the spice of life, right? And I'm open to most stuff. The only thing I won't do are things like clamps- pain doesn't do it for me. Strap ons? No. No. No. I'm not a guy and if you want that then you shouldn't be messing with a vagina. It's called denial and it's ok. We have a bunch of toys in our hidden spot and they are fun. And then once in awhile Matt and I go on a little shopping spree. It's always fun to get new stuff. But I get how some people are intimidated by toys. It definitely doesn't have to be that way. They are fun and silly.

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? My bed. I have access to all of our stuff and it's comfortable and familiar. One thing I thought I'd like but didn't was water sex. Yeah... dries you right out and then you're dealing with chafing. Which is never a good thing. Foreplay is fine.. but the real deal should be done elsewhere.

8. Yes or No when it comes to condoms? They don't bother me. BUT I'm going to sound like a responsible adult here- you should ALWAYS use condoms as not only back up birth control but STD protection. Sure, it won't save you from herpes all the time but still. It's better than nothing. People today who aren't using condoms are immature and stupid. You shouldn't be having sex if you can't be responsible about it. And if the guy says he can't enjoy himself then tell him to jack off. And I don't know why girls are so against condoms- LESS CLEANUP. There is nothing grosser than having stuff drip out the next day. Gross. Gross. Gross.
9. If you had to choose between kissing, oral sex and intercourse AND could only pick two, which two would you opt for? Oh damn. This is hard. But I'm going to go with kissing and intercourse. It's basic..... but yet you can do so much. Because it isn't limited on where you can kiss... so not just lips. My neck and behind my ears are extremely sensitive so I'd have to have that included for sure.

10. Which famous person would you most like to have sex with? Well anybody following this blog for any length of time knows that most certainly would be Robert Pattinson. I love him. I do. I don't even know him but I believe we would make a great couple. I'm a million times cooler than Kristen Stewart. And I have a personality! But I always have plans b-z lined up, so here are some others that would do should Robert be busy:

1. Steven McKellar (singer of Civil Twilight... kind of looks like Robert)
2. Johnny Depp
3. Robert Downey, Jr.
4. Channing Tatum
5. Ben Gibbard
6. Any member of Kings of Leon. *swoon*
7. Adam Levine. (But only AFTER Krysten has had her way with him. He's worth sloppy seconds.)
8. Eminem.. mmmmm
9. Alexander Skarsgard
10. Stephen Moyer

And for non-famous people.... yeah I'll not share that. ;)

So I think you ALL should do this survey!! I know most of your are squeamish and are probably beet red faced just reading this. But it's ok. Sex isn't taboo and it shouldn't be. It's fun, you're supposed to enjoy it. But if you aren't going to man up and play along.... at least tell me which famous person you're crushing on. If you do play along- give The Empress your link to your blog so others can see how awesome you are.


Brittany said...

I'm thinking of mayyybeee going this weekend.. maybe.

eek.. I would love to meet you all! That would be sooo much fun!

Just Plain Tired said...

Ha! I made it through the entire post, and no beet red facedness to be found here. It's kinda hard to embarrass me though with this type of stuff. ;)

____j said...

If I hosted a blog meet up, would you come? I mean, it might just be me, you, and matt....but that would be fun, right? :)

Shirley said...

I'm no sissy

The Empress said...

Thanks for posting the link to my blog and for participating in my blogosphere sex survey. It's all meant in good fun. Love your responses. And yes, condoms and safe sex are as important as having really great sex.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Okay so is it weird that when I lost my virginity it didn't hurt? I've heard that it does from so many people but it totally didn't for me. Hmm.

Helena said...

My celebrity crush is topher grace...and a hundred other guys. But really, its more about the character they play. For instance, Colin ferral is so damn sexy on screen. But in real life, he is an ass with a lit of std's.

Jean said...

I'm glad your cat is home.
Ya, no, I won't be doing the sex survey. Too many eyes on my blog - sisters, nephews, who knows who.

SpiritPhoenix said...

Hmm. I'm not doing the survey. Just because. But my crush would be a list as your is:

Ralph Fiennes (Not as Voldemort), but he's sexy as hell with those Killer Eyes of his. Mmmm. Plus the accent. Double Mmmm.

Simon Baker (Cute as the Mentalist, but a bit conceited.) He's just really cute. And again with the accent.

That's who I can think of right now. And those two are only since I saw them recently on tv or in the media. I'd have to really think about it.

Another David said...

This is just me being nitpicky, but you can't have spontaneous AND anticipatory sex. They are mutually exclusive. So you can have two of the three, but not all three. Sorry to be a bubble-burster.