Monday, December 6, 2010

All I want for Christmas is a goat. No, seriously.

Last night Matt asked me what I wanted for Christmas because he clearly hasn't seen the list I've already typed out, I mentioned that I wanted a goat. And not just any goat, a fainting goat.

A lot of times I say things just to be stupid and drive him nuts but I'm serious about getting a fainting goat. I don't think the novelty of this animal is ever going to wear off. Well, maybe if it stops fainting and shit but come on. How much more fun would parties be with this?
It's like having your friend who's always drunk and falling down at EVERY party already plastered.

Our conversation went almost verbatim:

S: So I want a goat. A fainting goat for Xmas.
M: What? No. Where the fuck are you going to put that?
S: Obviously in the house- he'll freeze outside. Sad.
M: Sara- goats are big. And they stink and shit everywhere.
S: Not if we get one of those midget ones. And litter box train it.
M: *blank stare*
S: What? Are you denying how awesome this would be?
M: Yes, I am. Are you going to clean up after it?
S: *laughing out very loudly* No! You know I don't do that.
M: Exactly. So why would I want one?
S: Hi- sometimes it's not about you. Sometimes other people want fun gifts. I bet you know someone who has goats from your 4H days.
M: My parents neighbors had goats. They eat all kinds of weird shit. I saw them eat a soda can once.
S: SEE!!! You hate taking out garbage and recycle- it'll be like your helper!
M: No. We aren't getting a goat.
S: See? THIS? This right here? This is you being a dream killer. Think of the homeless goats. And feel bad.
M: I am. 'Night.
S: Asshole goat killer
M: *snoring*

But I demand you watch this video and tell me this isn't awesome and fun. For the whole family.


Jennifer Kay said...

Dude shut the front door. My three year old and I just sat here and laughed our butts off at the video. Matt better recognize!

middle child said...

Wow. You just remended me that I have always wanted a goat. Everyone thought I was/am weird so who cares, really. But the fainting goats are too freaky for me. I do hope you get your goat for Christmas though! Peace.

Unknown said...

my old roommate raises these things. They're hilarious but they are DISGUSTING! You could always build a little barn outside for it. and a small fence. as long as you keep enough hay and some blankets to keep the shed insulated and it can keep out the elements it would be fine outside probably.

Stacia said...

If someone is NOT laughing when they read this, geezus!! Got Goats?

Jon Hanson said...

I love it! That would make a totally awesome gift.

Maybe showing my lady friend this will help convince her to get me the animal on my wish list:

A farting kangaroo.


Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

PLEASE get a fainting goat! Because then I can come visit with Monte and Monte and the goat can become best friends!

prettylittlereckless said...

I bet somewhere you could rent one for a week....I mean, it's the internet, you can find anything!

Oilfield Trash said...

I think a midget donkey would be a great gift.

Shirley said...

I suddenly feel like my life won't be complete without a fainting goat.

Brittany said...

bahaha! I just peed a little!

I'm going to call someone a asshole dream killer in the very near future!

Ruth said...

I have a friend that raises them. They are just so funny, just fall over.
Fence in your yard and in the summer you don't have to mow.
Or Matt won't have to.

Unknown said...

Your husband was soooooo right.

asj said...

AMAZING. bahaha... oh Matt, doesn't he realize he should just give you want you want?? ;)

Gini said...

Hahahahaaaa!! Eric and I went through this when I wanted chickens! Seriously, nearly the very same conversation!

PS - faintings goats = TEH AWESOME

Gini said...

Also they will eat your grass for you so no mowing. Matt does win a prize!

DLK said...

Hilarious!!! How could he not want one? THAT is so worth a little shit picking up. You would never be bored. I'm cracking up!

Miranda said...

Hands down - Best. Post. Ever. Not to mention the dialog between you and Matt. Priceless.

Julie H said...

I went to a goat dairy for work. They are really freaky. I think I'd be worried it was going to chew on my face or something. And the shit. And pee. Gross. Think they'd outweigh the fainting laugh factor lol.

Another David said...

I think they die if you make them faint too much. Isn't it like a mini-seizure or something?