Sunday, December 19, 2010

Another weekend down.

Two things before I hit you up with some food porn, and some recipes.

1. My $25 gift card giveaway to EdenFantasys is still going on- it ends Tuesday. Enter even if it scares the shit out of you.

2. Whoopsy-- I forgot that I did a Self Esteem Saturday post with Jia. You can go HERE to see it. (Dear Helena, I'm wearing the underwear you gave me. And yes- you can see them.)

Ok. So who's hungry? I'm not bitches because I've been taste testing my goodies all day.

Which sounds really disgusting and I don't mean it that way at all.

Ok. So I made basic sugar cookies. Which this is the FIRST year they weren't a FAIL. Usually I burn them... or the consistency isn't the way I want... but this year? I fucking owned those whores. What I didn't own was my decorating gel. Which had wide tips so I couldn't do much for decorated. Boo. I made 3 dozen and we're down to four cookies total so they tasted good.
 Then I made my favorite cookie EVER... the peanut butter cookies with the hershey kiss in the middle. God fucking help me I could eat these every day. I only made 18 and I have the supplies for more. It's probably going to happen.
 Then I made chocolate chip because I can. Yeah- deal with it. But I love these ones because it takes THREE sticks of butter and you can taste the butter. MMMMM. But I used up the rest of my white chocolate chips (1/2 bag) and a full bag of chocolate chips. Best. Decision. Ever.
Then I made my lemon cookies. It's basically kind of like a sugar cookie but you add lemon zest to it. Then I made the lemon glaze to go on top. I always forget how fast you have to glaze these bitches because the glaze hardens pretty quick.
 OK. So I also made chocolate truffles. Which, next to the peanut butter cookie, is my favorite thing. Every year I give these out to people as a gift and EVERY YEAR I get asked the recipe. It's easy. If you can operate a microwave, electric mixer and open packages- you are good to go.

So. You need one 8oz package of cream cheese that is ROOM TEMPERATURE. If you don't do this you will make your life hellish. Then you need one box of Baker's Semi Sweet Chocolate, so it's like 8 of those squares.
 Beat yo' cheese until it's creamy and pretty. It needs to look like this. If it looks like yeast infection discharge keep mixing.
 Melt your chocolate in the microwave. I don't care what the box tells you- I put it on high for 30 seconds, then stir. Another 30 seconds, stir. Finally, another 20 seconds, stir until melted. If I do it by the box instructions it burns. If you smell burning chocolate or it looks like anything other than this- you have fucked up and need another box.
 Pour your melted (and warm) chocolate onto your cream cheese. Beat with your mixer until it looks like this. Or kind of like diarrhea. (Shut up- it kind of does.) Wrap your bowl with plastic warp and put this in the fridge. I put my in overnight because I was too tired and sick to do anything else, but an hour will probably do. You want it to basically harden.
 Once you take it out and it's hard... get a cookie sheet ready. Put down some wax paper or parchment paper down because these bitches will get sticky. Roll your dough into balls. I do small sizes because these are going to be rich in flavor- so I use a melon baller. But you could use a small spoon or a measuring teaspoon. So spoon it up and use your hands to roll into pretty balls. If your hands are getting too sticky, you can coat them with a cocoa powder but if you go fast you'll be fine.

Put 'em back in the fridge for 15-20 minutes to harden again. And then melt more chocolate. You can either use another box of Baker's chocolate.. or you can use chocolate candy melts. I used those because I needed my Baker's for something else. Melt your chocolate, grab your balls and get a fork. ;)

Put one ball into the melted chocolate, use your fork to roll them around so they get coated all over. Then use your fork to get them out and back onto the cookie sheet. Repeat for all balls. (If you use the candy melts they will harden almost immediately once on the cookie sheet.)
 You can leave them alone now if you want. But I had some white candy melts to use up (you can also use white chocolate chips if you have them)- so melt those. I then put the melted chocolate into a ziploc bag, cut the tip off so it's like a ghetto piping bag and my balls extra fancy.
 Tee-fucking-dah. Chocolate truffles.

Oh- and then I made ghetto spritz for Matt. They are his favorite and I hate making them because my cookie press is not made for someones who's hand are basically useless as far as strength. But I say ghetto because I use a tube of premade sugar cookie dough, add a 1/2 cup of flour to it, knead it really well so it's mixed. Add 1/2 tsp of peppermint extract, a whole shit load of green food coloring and there you go. Spritz ala ghetto.
He only likes them shaped like trees.

So that was my weekend. I am off almost every day for the next two weeks so be ready for me getting my crafty and Betty Crocker on. Yee haw baby.

What cookies do you like for the holidays or what do you consider a must have?


Oilfield Trash said...

All of that stuff looks very yummy.

Anonymous said...

Yum! You did good! The snowmen ones are cute! Send some my way. ;)

prettylittlereckless said...

ahhhh your spritz look effing amazing. I might have to steal that ghetto recipe because mine turned out like shit and I got pissed off and made my mom do it. I actually bought a new spritz press (Wilton) and then joked that if they had a test kitchen and made a video, the out-takes probably included the "cook" swearing and throwing the press across the room, because even a brand new press didn't work. (my mom has a vintage press that actually worked better than the new one) So then I immitated what the out-take would've looked like, including the swearing, but minus the throwing the press. Because I totally washed it and plan on returning it. HA.

Anna @ The Owl and The Phoenix said...

Yum! Please send me this chocolate chip cookie recipe that has 3 sticks of butter in it. It sounds delicious. My Dad LOVES Spritz too - fortunately for Mom, he also likes making them himself. It's only trees an the long lined ones for him. Weird boys.

Anonymous said...

All of those cookies look delicious!! My favorite is the same as Matt's but my spritz cookies don't have to be green or shaped like trees :)

Shirley said...

Those all look so good....I made tamales today but will probably have to make many dozen cookies tomorrow or Chris could potentially trade me in for a better wife.

middle child said...

You truly are an awesome girl! I would love any of the cookies you made. I believe I make the best chocolate chip cookies so,...but I would even try your lemon ones even though I don't believe lemon should be in food. I would try them 'cuz they are absolutely gorgeous. I make pecan crescents every year. It's a tradition thing plus the very best cookie ever. And then there's the challenge of keeping the dough from being eaten before the cookies are even made. And thanks for the recipe. I really want to try those. Peace.

AmberLaShell said...

all of those look super yummy... and, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake, and I hope to open a bakery some day... Thanks for the recipe, i may have to try that one out... Also, if you don't leave out that cream cheese for at least 2 hours, it is super hellish! Great post!

Unknown said...

when i'm not all one legged disabled gal, i'm going to make the hell out of those chocolate truffles. in fact i may make the hubs try them, b/c the look that friggin good.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

This is mean. Get your ass to my house and bake me some cookies!

(I say that in the nicest possible way).

____j said...

I made those peanut butter cookies today, too! I kept seeing them on this commercial on tv, and I couldn't resist anymore. They're so good!

Ang said...

I can't tell if I want to be all domestic like your ass or if I hate you for being that way... or both.

probably both. So stop it.

Anonymous said...

wow those are some epic cookies! I wish i had the Betty Crocker gene like you do in your DNA!

Jen@Dear Mommy Brain said...

Peanut blossoms are a requirement for me every year. Except this year I doubled the recipe and think I forgot to double the milk. They were really dry and crumbly. Disappointing. I'm thinking some truffles might help ease my pain...

thotlady said...

I always like to have something sweet with pumpkin in it. Not pie, something else. I made pumpkin creme pies, they are a little like moon pies, but with pumpkin and cream cheese frosting in the middle. Delicious.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Adding chocolate truffles to the pre NYE party baking list. They look delicious!

Dana said...

Your instructions are hilarious. :) I'm going to be making some truffles in the next couple of days but mine are basically raw chocolate chip cookie (without egg) dipped in chocolate. I might have to try your recipe too!

FinnyKnits said...

Ghetto never looked so good :)