Thursday, December 9, 2010

Ghetto Christmas 2010 continues... Finny- this one's for you.

I've already mentioned is practically on life support for this year but I haven't showed you our outdoor illumination.

Before I get into it, you should check out Finny's blog because she has some um... strong feelings about decorations in general. So Finny..... Ghetto Christmas 2010 is dedicated to you. Behold:
 Why is this ghetto? Because what you don't see is that my left hand rail has no lights. The Santa, which you don't see but is really next to the giant snowman is half limped over and looks like he's taking a shit. Some of the candle path lights are burned out and overall.... it really sucks.

Especially when you compare it to my neighbors across the street.
Under their window they have a seesaw that moves with santa and a snowman or something, then they have the candy cane lights AND their side pathway is big ornament lights. It's really nice. A million times nicer than our shit.

Now, last year I was outside supervising outdoor illumination 2009 because it was 70 degrees and October when we started. But Matt didn't start until after Thanksgiving, complained about freezing his ass off doing so, and just put the first few of whatever he found. Where are my deer? My giant sleigh? Why isn't half of my shit lighting up? Why do you only have lights on one railing? Where are my poinsettia garland with matching red lights for the god damn door frame? Why do the icicle lights not go down the side of my house?????

This? Is what happens when you have a breakdown in quality control. When you decide micromanagement is too much.

Clearly, everybody works better with someone screaming, "Get the fucking Santa over here now!!!". I assure you- next year will be different. Oh yes. Next year we are going to beat the bitch across the street.

It's fucking ON.

On a less aggressive note, NOBODY has sent me any questions for tomorrow's Dear Sara column. Hi. I need questions or I can't do a fucking column. Have your friend send me a question. Send me something stupid. Hypothetical questions even. I don't even care what kind they are. Do you have a life crisis? Debating on a vibrator? Have a question about me? Whatever- email me whores. Don't be lazy.


middle child said...

Alright you smart-assed baby. Here's a question.

Why don't people who use those atrocious "icicle" lights at least put them on the same part of the roof where REAL icicles form?

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Dude at least you have outside stuff. We aren't that cool. Our house it dark and depressing from outside.

P.S. I'm eating Fun Dip right now =-)

P.S.S. Monte says hi.

prettylittlereckless said...

Alrighty..... I sent you questions to your facebook. like 5 of them. :)

also- christmas decoration wars are the best.

Julie H said...

Clearly, everybody works better with someone screaming, "Get the fucking Santa over here now!!!".

Love it lol. I think it's a man thing, they can't get anything right unless you are telling them how to do it.

I took down my Thanksgiving stuff yesterday. I might get my Christmas stuff up by New Years!

Kevin Michael said...

You need decorations a la National Lampoons Christmas vacation. =)

Unknown said...

I think I win at ghetto Christmas - my house has half LED lights, half old lights, so we look pretty white trash. Ah, well.

Question because I need a new book to read: What would you suggest if the only thing I wanted to read about were hot vamps that don't sparkle?

Meri said...

Why should I put my all into good CHristmas decorations when my neighbors can do it so well? Haha, I tried to have respectable Christmas decor this year, and so far...

craptastic. I'm going to buy some pointsettias from menards though.

Love your site!