Wednesday, December 15, 2010

So maybe Matt gets extra points. Even if I'm not getting a fainting goat for Christmas.

For those who don't know me in real life... I'm a bit of a wild card. Not in the sense that I'll just run around topless during a family funeral and everyone is on edge, but because I often say things without necessarily thinking about them. Or I start asking ridiculous questions. Mostly I start out serious... but then I just try to drive people nuts.

And unfortunately Matt takes the most of it.

Which is maybe why, at the tender age of 30, he's getting gray hair on the sides.

Our conversations last night are just one example of how most nights in the Strand Homestead end up:

M: Wow- I like that red sweater.  I haven't seen it in awhile. It looks nice on you.
(it was hanging on a hanger at this point on the closet door for me to wear it today)
S: Really? Because I've never worn it. It's brand new.
M: No. I swear you've worn that before. I definitely remember it.
S: Um, no asshole. It's brand new- I just bought it on Friday. It has the god damn tags on it.
M: Weird. Because I remember you wearing it.
S: Oh.. you're getting me confused with someone. Probably a girlfriend or something. I bet she didn't get hers on sale like me.
M: Nice, Sara. You're such an asshole sometimes.
S: Yeah, well at least I can keep my pieces of ass straight. You should maybe use note cards.
M: (giving me an angry look and ignoring me at this point.)

(This is the red sweater in question. It's cute and sparkly. And matches my flower clip perfectly.)

So at this point most wives would just end the joke there and be done. But no. I'm not most wives because I'm FABULOUS. Every time he started a conversation I'd somehow weave the "does your girlfriend like that too?" line in there. He was getting so pissed off and at that point I seriously can't stop myself.

Then we turned the conversation back me wanting a fainting goat. And every time we talk about animals I continually bring up the fact he was involved in 4H as a kid. Anytime I have a bizarre question about any kind of animal I'll ask him and follow it up with, "Come on, 4H.... try harder" or something. He gives me the look like he's so annoyed with me but is trying to humor me. And he usually never knows the answer to the question I'm asking.

My favorite time is when we were dating, and I asked him about the animals out by his parent's house. They live out in the woods and I don't do well with nature and shit, so I figured I should get to know what I could get eaten by. He starts telling me that one time he saw a huge animal... he suspects it was a wolverine.

Now, I cracked the fuck up.

Because everyone knows Wolverine was a super hero in a comic and video game. (And later on a movie.)

But REAL wolverines don't live in Iron River, WI. I National Geographic'd that shit and it said Canada and maybe Michigan.

So I started teasing him because let's be real- it was probably just a raccoon or maybe a fat squirrel or some shit. But he SWEARS it was a wolverine. Anytime he comes home and is like, "Did you see the tracks in the snow?" I'm always like, "OOH.. I hope it wasn't a wolverine!"

Needless to say he gets pissed off and doesn't think it's funny.

But it totally is.


Annah said...

Ay Dios.

Poor poor Matt.

Love the clip. Love the sweater. And somehow starting to love your nose ring too.

Jennifer Kay said...

Dan and Roseanne...exactly how it is in our house too. I love it!

Danielle said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love everything about this post!!! Love the sweater as well, and I cracked up when you said "I bet she didn't get hers on sale, like me." HAHAHHA, I died!!!

Heather Kelly said...

Poor guy. Be careful, he might not always be able to handle your sense of humor and he might feel as though you are actually trying to hurt him when you are just trying to poke fun at something, and not at him. I would be careful about that. I have seen too many marriages split up because women or men thought they were being funny, when actually, they were hurting their husbands or wives. Some of what you said was funny, but some of it, to me, was a little hurtful. I would ask him about it.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Lol you are SO mean to him Sara! I gotta say I kind of feel bad for him!

Unknown said...

lmao. lmao! You are SUCH a beotch!

Oilfield Trash said...

Ah the joys of humor between partners.

Paige said...

you being a bit of a wild card is kinda of why i fucking love you.

Anonymous said...

So you're like the female version of Peter griffin.... "hahahahaha" <--- Peter Griffin laugh

melissa rugg said...

Mmmmmm.... gray hair! Can't wait for Jr to get some!

AmberLaShell said...

I do the same thing with my fiance all the time.. He will say something and I will tell him, no you have me mistaken with your other girlfriend... He gets so pissed, it's funny.. I love fucking with him!

middle child said...

Iron River? Best bloody Mary's ever! And wasn't there something about feeding the bears doritoes at a certain location?

Jandy xx said...

Jennifer Kay - Dan and Roseanne! hahahahahaha PMSL! so true!

The Mrs. said...

Behind every hilarious woman, there is a poor man taking the brunt of it all. haha!

btw cuuuuute flower clip!

The Mrs. said...

PS the fact that you know of Dirty Heads makes you 10times more fuckin awesome.

Another David said...

Uh... you know Superior's only like 75 miles from Michigan, right? Not the hand part, the weird disconnected part (fun fact: that was given to them by the federal government as part of the settlement of the land war that started the Michigan-Ohio rivalry. Ohio got Toledo, Michigan got a giant chunk of woods up by Canada that was loaded with furry, trappable game.)

and yes, this is my bi-weekly catchup. get ready for it.

Ang said...

LMAO - you are so mean Sara!!!

Sara said...

This sounds EXACTLY like me and my fiancee. Isn't it fun pushing them and pushing them until they get so aggravated that they just give up on life and let you win everything? It's one of my very favorite things.

Anonymous said...

haha. you push his buttons, daily!