Thursday, December 30, 2010

Why I Hate McDonald's.

I am having a bad day today and McDonald's is going to get the brunt of it. Even though my day is revolving around the shit and urine of a 2 1/2 year old boy who yesterday was doing a great job thinks it's hilarious to pee on me even after I gagged at 7am after getting my hand covered in shit that was in his underwear because I am not coherent enough when I first wake up to deal with poop. I can't do it.


Tonight's rant is about McDonald's. And how I have hit my mother effing limit with them and their stupid.

I have become addicted to fountain soda. I am a Pepsi girl through and through but the cheapest place for me to feed this addiction is McDonald's and they only have Coke. So I unhappily settle as I sip the fizzy bubbles and feel happy abut the perfect combination of syrup, carbonation, ice and plastic straw all come together. Almost every day that I work I stop and get myself a large Coke because it'll last me the four hours I'm at work and if it doesn't I have some water to hold me over. No biggie.

But almost every single fucking time I go there, I order (loudly and clearly) "A large REGULAR Coke. And that's it." Sometimes I they get it right. Sometimes. More often than not, I get to the window and almost immediately I see that they gave me a Diet Coke. Which I'm sorry Diet Coke drinkers of the world- you're drinking what I would assume watered down, carbonated diarrhea tastes like. It's shit and nobody should be drinking that. And it's offensive because it's the same people working the drive through EVERY fucking day. And every fucking day I have to say, "Yeah- I ordered a regular. This is diet. Your job isn't hard."

And I know it's not hard because bitches- I did my time in fast food. I spent a good 7 years spent at Dairy Queen, Culvers, and the Kmart eatery. You don't even need to know how to read to work these jobs. Yet somehow... these people struggle.

The kicker was the last time there was a Coke fiasco and they guy had the mother fucking BALLS to say, "Well I just assumed..." and stopped. He's lucky I'm strapped into my vehicle because I was already pissed off at the guy who ran a red light and almost killed me and the kid who banged into my door as I sat parked waiting to order. But I reply with, "What? What exactly did you assume, asshole? And before you even say anything, just think about it first." So he opens his mouth and tries, "Well, it's just that most... or you looked... I..." and I cut him off with "Buddy- any way you finish any of those sentences is going to get you bitch slapped. I want my regular Coke and I want it now." I did and I got a coupon for a free cone. Which great, because their ice cream thing is almost always down. So that's totally useless.

But last night we were heading out to Matt's parent's house for their party. We had just come from a restaurant, but since it's a long drive and I was tired, I asked Matt to stop. I wanted my Coke, a cone, and two bags of cookies for the kids. That's it.

They have this new system where there's a guy who comes on immediately and is like, "Welcome to McDonald's, how can I help you?" He is always really friendly and nice. You would assume you can start ordering.

And you would assume wrong.

Because Matt starts saying our order and half way through a lady is like, "Hang on." Um.. yeah. WTF? We wait. And wait. I believe two full minutes goes by and Matt is like, "Uh.... hello?" And a totally different lady is like, "Yeah?" So he starts going with his order. A third strange lady gives us a total, which is clearly wrong because the screen has our stuff plus two sandwiches, which we aren't ordering. At this point, I'm laughing hysterically in my "what the fuck is wrong with people" laugh and Matt is PISSED.

We get to the window, get a totally different total and Matt wants them to repeat the order. So she does, it's right, we pay. OK. Drive to the second window. They had me a bag with the cookies and the ice cream cone which clearly has started melting all over the place. And of course, a Diet Coke.

I must have had the homicidal gleam to my eye because Matt handled that shit. Probably because I yelled at him for the Diet Coke Asshole snafu previously and he doesn't want to have our license plates pegged when we go through. I get it.

Then Matt asks for extra napkins because my ice cream is now on my seat, my jacket and my purse and I am sucking on it for dear life and honestly. My mouth just isn't that big.

(In hindsight, I can see how that sentence will look badly later.)

But the lady is staring at Matt as if she has no idea what a napkin is. He has to hold up the one covered in ice cream and is like, "More... these... now" and she gets it. Seriously. If you can't speak English? Probably shouldn't be working a drive through in Wisconsin. I'm just saying. So she gives him one more and by this time we're running late so we just go.

The whole thing could have been avoided if they had non-idiots working the joint. Why would the guy pretty much command us to start ordering if nobody is actually taking the order? What the fuck is going on??? And before you McDonald's lovers jump all up in my shiz- I will just reiterate that I get it. I did my fast food time. I have worked a drive through, ALONE, during a rush hour and I was taking orders, taking cash, making drinks, shakes, blizzards, etc, filling the ice cream/custard machines, re-stocking my area all at fucking once. I've taken orders while running through the store grabbing things I need. It can be done. But you have these dickweasels who can't even take one order. We were the ONLY car in drive through. Come on.


Jon Hanson said...

Ugh.. I can't stand the taste of regular soda anymore. Way too sugary... I feel my teeth wearing away with every sip.


Anna @ The Owl and The Phoenix said...

Ugh, I HATE that. For me, though, it's the other way around. I always get regular Coke and I want diet (I just like the taste better. Weird? Yes.) And I am SO not a fan of the melty ice cream cone. For fucks sake people. I am in a CAR - in my case, a manual transmission car. I should not have to deal with the fact that you - for some reason unknown to God and the rest of the world - made my fucking cone 5 minutes ago. I'm not going to risk my damn life after it spills in my lap. You eat it fucker. I want a new one. That is ice. Like in the name.

Ann said...

You need to find out who owns those franchises & complain. That is RIDICULOUS!!! Our McD's are NOT run that way. Total bullshit.

AmberLaShell said...

hahahahahhahaahah *wipes tears from eyes* oh my god that was freaking funny... I have had similar problems with McDonald's.. I used to be addicted to Dr Pepper, and they are super cheap,but you get what you pay for.. bad service... I did 2 and 1/2 years at Whataburger and that place stays super busy, so I know getting a drink right is not that hard... Great post!

Shirley said...

Drinking diet makes me dry heave and I think you should have hit at least one of those fuckers with your pimp cup.

____j said...

That same kind of thing happens down here, too. I think it's just that most people who work in drive thru/fast food think it's just a joke and know they're going to get paid regardless of how good of a job they do, there for they just don't care.

prettylittlereckless said...

I worked at a McD's for 8.5 glorious years as a mgr and thankfully all my kids were smart. Well, 85% of them had some brains. Yeah we got the occasional complaint from the dumbass who thought we owed him the world, but your experiences sound pretty bad.

btw though- the "man" asking to take your order sounds like the automatic order taker. It's a system you can turn on so when a car enters the order spot, the sensor can tell a car is there and it'll activate the guy saying hello. It's really just a lazy thing for workers who aren't quick to respond. A lot of McD's have them. Usually there's a kid there though to punch in the order while you're talking and not one who says "hang on!" Uh, that's RUDE.

There was one time though in the winter a customer threw their soda ALL over the main entrance door and it froze. Yeah... fun times. So, if you're really pissed about the soda, wait until it's freezing temps and chuck it at the window. :)

Oilfield Trash said...

Oh the joys of dealing with the brain dead un-educated people of America.

Gini said...

Fucking WOW.

Danielle said...

I have also done my fair share of working a drive-thru and whenever I go through a certain Dunkin Donuts in my town (because there are three of them to choose from) they fuck up my coffee. They put regular sugar instead of sweet-n-low and there's a big difference. I have to go through again and explain to them that once again they fucked it up and I know why they are, because they are too lazy to open 2 sweet-n-low packets vs. just hitting a button for the appropriate size cup which will dispense the appropriate amount of regular sugar. It's obnoxious. Don't fuck with people's food. And if it's an accident act like you're genuinely sorry and don't try to tell me that I said sugar and not sweet-n-low, cuz I didn't bitch. I know for a face I said sweet-n-low, because I ALWAYS say fucking sweet-n-low. ugh! Thanks for letting me get my drive-thru rant out of the way! I feel better now.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Welcome to my life. I still can't understand why when I order a hamburger with only ketchup that they can't understand that. I mean, aren't I making your job EASIER? You have less work to do not because of me.

And to be honest I will put up with a lot. After working in the service industry for as long as I have I can put up with it. But for fuck's sake, if you give me a damn burger with cheese and onions and tomato and lettuce and whatever else is on the burger I'm going to be pissed. Because even if you wipe that off I can still taste it and I won't eat it.

I feel ya Sara. And now I want fries.

Unknown said...

there have been so many times that I have wanted to pistol whip drive through workers. It's a crappy job, I get it. But damn,some of those people don't need be near the public, much less touching my food.

Anonymous said...

I completely and totally agree with you. McDonald's drive-thru's stink!!!

SY said...

YOU are FREAKING HILARIOUS.. I literally laughed out loud reading this..

I haven't lot's of bad experiences with mCdonalds.. but i think it's because the area I live in doesn't have many..

better luck next time.. maybe you will get another free ice cream

DLK said...

Ha - I am sorry to laugh at your expense, it's just that I have been there sooooo many times. WTF is right!!! Thanks for the laugh!