Friday, January 14, 2011

Dear Sara- vlog2 boyeeees...

Welcome bitches to the second vlog episode of Dear Sara. I have my vlog ready for you, I'm fresh out of the shower and wearing my jammies and I am ready to answer your questions. If you sent me a question and you don't see it answer- NEVER FEAR lambie- it just means that it will appear next week. MMMkay?

Hold your panties because here we go:

1. What the shiz is your take on these damn birds just up and falling out of the sky? At first I thought well maybe we should just ignore it because clearly they just want attention. But then the fish started dying. And then I heard that in like Oklahoma or some shit they saw some weird thing in the sky and I think that's scary. Granted, it would be cool to see BUT. I think we need to stock up on our spaghetti o's because we're all going to die. Sorry. But I watched a show where they were emphatic that we were all going to die December 2012 and I think it's starting. Which that date will work for me. #1 I still get to do my road trip and #2 I only have one more year of Christmas shopping. Who can't get excited for that?? But unlike the Y2K when I had only packed one can of spaghetti o's, a 20 ounce of pepsi and some Better Cheddar crackers.. I'm going to be way more prepared. Because this time? I have the BEST can opener ever. I'm set.

2. If you had to spend the rest of your life with one object only what would it be? My ipod. Easy.

3. My best friend was diagnosed bipolar. Since his last manic episode I have no idea if what he's saying is for real or stuff he's just creating as part of one of his grand ideas. Your thoughts? Um.. well what kind of stuff? If he's talking about suicide- always take it seriously. But if he is talking like a lunatic and saying he wants to build a rocket in your backyard and needs some duct tape.. give him the duct tape. And I think he needs to be on medication. That's the key to any mental health issue. I have my own issues with depression and Matt has issues that are all his own, but I know people think after awhile they don't need it. But they do. They feel good and normal because they are on it.

4. I love to say "fuck". After following you for a while now- I know that you also like this word (it was one of the reasons I liked reading your blog). So my question is how many times a day do you think you say fuck? I actually made a note! On Tuesday it was 71 times. Wednesday was only 54. Thursday was 62. Today has only been 34 because I was at toddler class with Jackson. I have a sailor mouth. I know. I don't know where I get it from.

5. I’m a 31-year-old divorced mom of 2 boys who would really like to put myself out there as far as dating goes, but am really nervous. I also haven’t kissed anyone in 3-1/2 years and honestly didn’t enjoy it much before that. Someone told everyone in high school that I couldn’t kiss and it’s made me very self-conscious about it ever since. I know it's silly because I was 14 and it was my first boyfriend, but it stuck. I have a very hard time shutting my brain off during intimate moments. Have you ever seen The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law? I related so much to Cameron’s character, Amanda. Well, you know, except for being gorgeous with a mansion in LA. But all the insecurity issues, inability to cry--all of that is me? Like how can I work on this without having anyone to practice with? Pitiful, I know. OK. First off- you're going to be fine. Dating does suck but they aren't dating just you, but they are dating your kids as well. From reading your email it sounds like you have some insecurities that have followed you for awhile and that is your first thing to work on. You can't even start dating unless you are confident in who you are and what you have to offer. It isn't up everyone's alley but counseling helped me a lot. I had a lot of insecurities from high school and I spent most of my time in college figuring out that I'm ok with all of my flaws and that eventually... someone would be a good fit for me. And it worked. Look at me. I'm sassy, awesome, and have stalkers. It's great. :) I'm not the skinniest chick, I'm not the prettiest- but I act like I am. I know I have a lot to offer and THAT is what makes you attractive to other people.  Secondly.. kissing. Oy. OK, you should know that if a high school BOY told you that it wasn't true. Those punks are assholes who should be happy they are getting any kind of action beyond their own hand and their mom's lotion. Girl- I can't shut my brain down during sex. I can't. I'm thinking about dishes, the color of Jackson's poop and if it was from the marker he sucked on, if that noise is Olivia coming down the stairs, did I lock the front door, what if the condom breaks, etc. It's ALL chugging through. Everything is practice. It really is. With the kissing.. I did google searching and they all say to kiss your arm/hand. So I tried it and yeah- it's not anything like the real thing. Everybody kisses differently and I learned a LOT when I started dating Matt. Now I'm like a kissing pro but we've been together 9 years. So bottom line- work on you. Get to the best place that you can be. Start dating and be honest with the guy. Not brutally honest but you can say, "You know- I'm so out of practice" or something. And just think- he probably is too.

So- got questions? Email me at: and I'll get your q's into the mix!


Julie H said...

People always used to tell me I looked young too. Enjoy it because eventually it DOES STOP lol.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Okay lets not talk about the end of the world please. It's freaking me out!

BTW these vlogs are making me realize I'm going through Sara withdrawal!

Oilfield Trash said...

People who want to do the whole "Botox" thing need to be shown video and pictures of Nancy Pelosi where she is not wearing makeup until they vomit.

middle child said...

You are so incredibly intelligent, especially for someone so young. I love everything about you. I HATE reality shows but baby, should have your own. And hell yeah, call it Dear Sara.

prettylittlereckless said...

great advice as always!

Allan said...

Dude...if you think that all of the recent animal death stuff is kinda scary, you should have seen what it was like in San Francisco a few months back when all of the Sea Lions left Pier 39.

The pictures in the link are pretty telling...all in all it says that 1500 sea lions just up and left after 20 yrs of chilling out there.

it's funny how those movies depict the arrival of these extinction phenomenons ("Day After Tomorrow, "2012", etc...) cuz Hollywood is really freaking a lot of people out with the coincidences of recent events.

Ang said...

your vlogs make me laugh... they probably aren't supposed to, but they do.