Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Maybe the drunks are onto something.

I am so mother effing tired right now I could sleep for days. I'm convinced if I were an alcoholic I could successfully sleep through Olivia's new game and it wouldn't be an issue anymore. Sadly, I'm too broke to even buy Pepsi so it's not going to happen.

For the last three weeks Olivia has resumed her "I can't sleep" game which used to be heartbreaking, then annoying, and now it just makes me angry and frustrated. It started when she was 2 1/2, right after we had Jackson. She would get up and complain of noises or that "dogs were in her window" which we know isn't the case since her rooms is on the second floor. At the time I felt bad because I thought maybe she was trying to get more attention/time with me since I had the baby all day.

But then we got over it and it was fine.

Then it started up with monsters in the closet. We did the whole monster spray thing and cleaned out the closet. I got books about sleeping at night and how monsters are our friends (when the spray didn't work), etc. She stopped doing it when I firmly told her she was not sleeping in our bed, she needs to be in her bed, end of story.

And now we're here. For the last three weeks she wakes up every night, at least hourly, after 10pm until Matt goes to work at 4. Matt works long hours and he needs sleep. I am a complete bitch if I'm getting less than 8 hours and anything less than 6 makes me incoherent the next day.

But every night we get a variety of stories. The night before Christmas Eve things go bad when she woke up for the 5th time in one night to ask Matt a question and his reply was, "Oh hell fucking NO!" and he marched her right back up the stairs and told her he would put a lock on her door.

Well since then she's stopped coming down. Which you'd think would be good.

But it's not.

Because instead she's waking Jackson up and making him play with her. But Jackson is like me and needs a LOT of sleep to function. We discovered this activity last night when Matt thought the living room was too bright. Well, the light from upstairs was on and I thought for sure Matt was going to just fucking lose it. He is coming down with something and isn't feeling well and then the no sleep... it's getting to him. I had a migraine so I was changing out my ice packs again and Jackson told Matt "thank you, daddy" for getting Olivia out of his room.

She goes back in hers until he left at 4 and I heard her come back downstairs. She sat on the chair writing in her notebook until I got up at 6:30. I told her tonight she needs to stay in her room until I come and get her or she sees sunshine out her window or else we're going to start taking the favorite toys away.

Seriously. What the fucking frack man? When you have a new baby you have the countdown ON to when you can sleep through the night and aside from kids being sick or something weird happening, you just know it'll be like that forever. Except if you have a kid like Olivia. Who makes up stories, who refuses to listen to reason, and is the biggest effing drama queen ever. Really.

I'm so far at my end it's unbelievable. I feel like at this moment if she were to come down tonight I might duct tape her to the bed. I won't really but I want to. And poor Jackson- no wonder he's been irritable and lethargic for days. I thought he was growing, but no- he's being forced to play all night. Poor kid. That sucks.

And it's not just the non sleeping that's getting to me.

It's all of the fighting. The non-sharing. The bickering over who gets to sit on which side of the couch. Who got more chicken nuggets. Who puts who to bed (we take turns with the kids). Who got to go into the car first. Who screams louder. And it's just on and on.

On Saturday I had to spank both of them and put them both into timeout because they inevitably want the toy the other one has yet nobody is willing to fucking trade, they just want both, so there they are- both holding the toys, screaming and then the kicking starts. They start kicking, someone hit the tv, someone kicked a cat, and a bunch of movies fell off the shelf in the span of 10 seconds. Hell fucking no. I am not putting up with that kind of shit, so spankings, time out and both toys taken away. So the top of my refrigerator has become the Land of Taken Away Toys and they are gone for the week. And they both ask if they can play with them with the standard, "But we'll be good" which you know will NEVER happen. It's awful.

I look back and think- why the fuck did I even want kids? This is horrible. It's not fun. Sure, they're adorable and they have awesome moments with the random hugs/kisses/cuddles or they are funny when they tell you fantastic stories, etc. But most days I feel all of that is outweighed by the bad. And I hate going to bed feeling like, "Man alive- I can't wait to drop them off somewhere". I have major props to stay at home mom's because I've said since day one I could never do it. I just couldn't. I don't have the patience you need to deal with it. One kid isn't bad. It's a fucking walk in the park and I laugh when people freak out over a tantrum and they have one kid.

Seriously- add another one who screams just as loud and tell me how you like it now.

Tonight during dinner I had to just go in my room and shut the door. I told the kids I need a time out because they are driving me INSANE. And I did. I sat in here, cried for a good 15 minutes, and then went back out to make sure nobody has started a fire or something.

So to be on no sleep, dealing with the window drama and the insurance company who never calls back, and the vet who is now putting us into collections because we aren't paying fast enough, I just can't deal. I feel like checking out and hoping someone else deals with it all and then I can come back.


Shirley said...

I have been dealing with the same thing. The kids have been on Christmas break. I have been home. They fight over EVERYTHING and now I understand why some animals eat their young.

Unknown said...

I have always been an insomniac. My parents would make me stay in bed b/c even though i wasn't sleeping, at least my body was resting. However, I was the youngest and had no siblings I could get away with torturing. IDK if it's the right answer or not but if all else failed I'd get a dose of benadryl.

But lady let me tell you, I think you do an awesome job disciplining your kids. You don't let them just run around like mini hoodlums running you over. so kudos for that.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

When I was young I had insomnia. I'm not sure how old I was but it was before I was 10 because it was when we still lived in Illinois and we moved when I was 10.

Luckily for my parents I mostly just snuck downstairs to watch Nick at Nite. Hence the reason I love old shows like Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy and Get Smart. However my parents had an alarm system on the house and every now and again I would forget and accidentally set it off.

Could she just honestly have insomnia? I'm not sure how that works with kids. But maybe she just can't sleep and she's making up the monsters and dogs so you don't get mad?

If it makes you feel any better I mostly grew out of it. For awhile anyway. I have insomnia sometimes now but I imagine that's from stress.

Just be happy she's not setting off loud alarms in the middle of the night.

Unknown said...

Hang tough! Sans the glossy warm fuzzy "you'll get through this shit" shit, us tough chics overcome... because we just do. I love reading your blog and tune in every night, while I tuck my wee ones into bed. A recent divorce found me single and I discovered reading blogs helps me not feel lonely and keeps me connected to reality. Rock on, Sara. You are appreciated on so many levels!!

Unknown said...

Stay strong. You project you're a tough cookie... that's why I love reading your blogs. But I also know, from one cookie to another... sometimes you wanna run away from it all. We will overcome the stupid shit life hands us and make it our own. As a recent divorcee and mother of two, I have found comfort in blogs like yours. Rock on, Sara... don't let the *f*ing bastards win!!! ps_ i woulda normally dropped the f-bomb, but my NY resolution was to stop saying it... otherwise my daughter collects a buck in the "F jar". 15 bucks in the jar and we all go get Maggie Moo's ice cream. LOL

Tina said...

Poor Sara! If it's any consolation, "this too shall pass". It will get better and your kids will outgrow/mature out of this crap.

I slept very little as a child. My parents bought me a nightlight and puzzles that I was allowed to play with if I couldn't sleep, but I was not allowed to leave my bedroom.

Maybe they need an hour on the fuckmill :)

Annah said...

Wow. I TRULY fucking admire your honesty. Most moms make it out to be like it's all marshmallow puffs and Christmas pictures with pretty flowers and it's really making me question my desire to not have more than one child. Then I read your pots and I'm like, YUP! ONE!

Good news is this too shall pass.

Tell me how I can help you booboo? Send you a book? A porn? I'm broke but we can try and make this thing happen!

Jandy xx said...

as a person with no kids, i have to be entierly honest here and tell you that its amazingly refreshing to hear a post like this.... as bad as that sounds! dont get me wrong, i dont want you to be at your wits end :( but Its a nice change from reading "my kid is so perfect" posts.

i hope that came out right!

now, can you give me the deets to your awesome person that made your button and header? I NEED a button!!!!

middlechild said...

Sara, you are honest and refreshing. I am proud that you care enough to discipline your kids. The lack of sleep is hard on all of you, but sounds like you and Jackson are suffering the most. I wish I had ideas for your sleepless daughter. All I can say is,...call the pediatrician. Bless you baby girl.

Canadianbloggergirl said...

Oh my goodness I've been there, and still continue to be there every once in a while with my daughter. She's never been much of a sleeper. What worked for us, was two weeks of strict routine of supper, bath, milk during story time, then bed. While going to bed, she would do the monster thing, and we would say no monsters just kitty cats and puppy dogs. It worked. We have the occasional break in routine, but it gets easier. For the coming into your room at night, say nothing, bring her back to her bed, tuck her in and immediately go back to bed. If you engage her its attention...even though negative still attention.

Hang in there. There is nothing wrong with disciplining your children the way that you did!


Ruth said...

This is why we stopped at one. Neither one of us have the patience to handle what comes with more.
I know I am always amazed reading all this stuff from moms who act like they cannot get enough of their kids.

Ang said...

as someone who doesn't have kids, I don't know what to say.
I'll never know what to say, because I'll never have kids.
Rest easy knowing you've helped someone make the right decision in life.

Hang in there - they grow up and move out, eventually!

Jess said...

I feel ya girl. I am so sorry you can't get enough sleep, I am terrible on no sleep. I am a stay at home mom and it is more taxing than people know. My kids can drive me freakin' crazy! Thankfully my kids are 7 years apart.
Can you put a baby gate up in her doorway so she can't get out of her room or do you think she would just start screaming bloody murder? That is such a tough situation, I would be at my wits end too.
Hang in there, girl. My thoughts are with you!

Anna @ the owl and the phoenix said...

I was also going to suggest the baby gate at her door. Maybe tell her it's ok to play QUIETLY in her room, but she is not allowed to wake anyone else in the house up. Not saying it will work for sure, but might be worth a shot. I used to read well into the night - on the sly by the hall light. I got really, really good at faking sleep when my parents would come in and check on me. Guess it's a phase we all go through at some point. Hang in there! You guys will get through it.

Julie H said...

On a mom type message board I go on (been posting with these women for years), there was a mom having the same problem with her little girl. She was up all night! Someone recommended that they get melatonin supplements for her. She was reluctant at first but decided to try it out of desperation and it worked! Here's a link on melatonin since I don't know much about it, just that the woman was so freaking excited to get to sleep!


Gini said...

SHITE! I just don't even know what else to say!

FinnyKnits said...

YOU took a time out. Now, THAT is a good idea.

If only you could do that every time they were pissing you off.

"Sorry, kids, you're going to have to decide who gets which toy because Mommy needs a time out. Peace."

prettylittlereckless said...

this might be batshit crazy- but maybe she really does see things. Ya know how kids are psychic sometimes and all that jazz? When I was 6'ish I remember being 100% dead on as far as predicting storms/rain. I would wake up and tell my mom it was going to rain and she'd look at me like I was insane and when I asked why I knew, she said sometimes little kids just know things. But... when I was little- I just liked staying up in general as well. Who knows.

And um- dude- text me when you're having a bad day! I'm sure I could think of something random/funny to reply and make ya laugh :)

hang in there. It'll get better! My brother and I used to fight like that and we're close now.