Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Shit I deal with.

Holy man. I have had nothing but freaking drama, frustrations and crazy for two weeks straight coming at me from every angle possible. I seriously feel like locking myself in my room as a hostage. Seriously. There are days where I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and saying 'fuck yall' and never coming out. So here are some headaches and random I have going on.

First up Matt is totally dragging his feet on home improvement projects. This weekend I noticed that our porch has shifted SO much this winter that the windows are bending. Yes. They are bending. In fact, in one corner you can put your finger outside. The walls are all cracked much worse than before and it looks like my front porch has been through an earthquake. Seriously. Pictures are coming this weekend when I have time. He said it's because he took our gutters down, didn't put them back up (in fact- he threw them out. Awesome.) and so moisture is just hanging out by the foundation and when it freezes and causes everything to move. Honestly? I don't know how much I believe a couple of gutters (or lack thereof) can do that much damage. So I'm a bit pissed off that is going to need to be totally gutted and repaired. Someday. Until then, feel free to jimmy a window out and steal our TV. :/

Then he also says no, I can't get a goat. I also can't get a llama because he says I would not be a good goat parent. Hi. If Tori Spelling can do it, I think I'm more than qualified.  
 And then for Valentines Day Matt and I never do anything. But I decided I was going to buy chocolates. And this is how we do it in our house- I circle what Matt can have because I'm picky.
 And then I had a harrowing day at the mall trying on pants and deciding that the fuckmill needs to be my friend. Like BFF for life. Tattoo it on my ass. But Matt has this thing where he has to pee and/or poop EVERYWHERE we go. So I went to Barnes & Noble to pee because I know they clean their bathroom. And then I see this. Hi. How hard is to to change the roll? And if that's not how this broke.. who gets violent with toilet paper? It's huggable man.
 I then decided I was not paying $50 for pants I don't like so I thought maybe I should just go to Savers and save a few bucks and get a pair of pants that I only need for scrubbing around. And Savers is a used clothing store and I'm a huge fan. Buy lots of stuff there that looks (and sometimes is) new. OK, but used underwear? USED UNDERWEAR (and they had bras). COME ON. I'm all for bargain but getting herpes is not a bargain.
I spent the better part of last week arguing with a friend. All of last week was me arguing with her over something stupid and she's trying to pull everyone in. And nobody falls for it, so again, I become the bad guy. She has since blocked me from Facebook and is no longer returning my calls which is fine. That's just fine. But here's the thing- we're adults. She is a few years older than me so I honestly think she should be operating with more adult experience but apparently not. I have gotten to the point where I refuse to pussy foot around anyone and I don't care who you are. If you want my opinion, the truth, whatever- I'm going to give it to you. If I think you're in the wrong I'll say that, but don't fucking blow up at me because you're being stupid. I mean, she was in the wrong. She should have just apologized and moved on but instead, she's trying to gang everyone up on me and she's mad because everyone else thinks she was wrong too. So she didn't get a birthday party invite and now she's pissed.

I will say that honestly, in all of my adult life I can count on one hand how many times I have fought with a friend over anything and three of those have happened in the last week. I am really over people arguing over something and then they pull others into it. And then they post passive aggressive stuff on Facebook. Facebook is not meant to put updates like "Sometimes I really hate certain friends". No- just fucking say right out that you hate a person and name it. Seriously. If you have the feeling- own it. If you're mad, sad, happy, whatever- you OWN IT otherwise shut the eff up. Really. While driving I just though you know what- say what you mean, and mean what you say. You hate me? Great, now I know to stop investing my time and effort into a friendship with you. And I just want to shake her and say see?? THIS is why you can't keep any of your friends. You notice nobody talks to you when we all hang out? Because you've done it to all of us in the group and we're all kind of over it. I really hope she eventually looks around and thinks "maybe it was me all along" because otherwise it'll be sad for her. And it's a shame because I run into her all of the time in town and if she would have just admitted she made a mistake and was sorry- we could have all avoided this. But she won't own up to it. And it's frustrating to not just me but our other friends. It's a form of self destruction really. So now I don't know if that will every get resolved and it probably won't. We haven't talked in 4 days and I think that's that. She's done and so am I.

Then tonight I'm tucking Olivia into bed (pictures of her short 'do are coming soon) and we have the following convo:

O: I don't say bad words.
Me: Well that's good. You shouldn't say bad words, you're a nice girl.
O: Like, I don't say dumb, stupid, asshole, fucker, or God.
Me: Um... ok? Where did you learn those?
O: From you, mom. I learned them from you.

Ok- anybody remember the "Don't smoke pot" commercials from after school specials?! Because that was almost verbatim! So we continue:

Me: But babes, I don't say any of those things around you.
O: I know. I don't sleep and I can hear everything when you're downstairs.
Me: uh....
O: And one time I heard you saying daddy's name a bunch of times.
Me: oh, uh....
O: And I know daddy doesn't listen but he was probably sleeping mommy. Because it was dark out.
Me: um...
O: You should be more quiet. And then maybe I could sleep.
Me: Um... ok. I'll try to be more quiet for you honey.
End convo. So I'm like PRETTY SURE Olivia heard mommy and daddy having "adult time". And I love how Matt never gets these conversations. She only says these things to me. Or my mom. HA!

And finally. Stumpy has started humping Slinkies (the toy) and Batman eats insulation that he digs out from the threshold of our bedroom (since our floor is unfinished) and then barfs it up. Every morning is a joy up in here.


Ann said...

Just when I think my life is sucky, you come up with one of these posts. I love you.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Well I would say that if you want people to stop being passive aggressive then that should apply to EVERYONE. Everyone should have to own up to it. Otherwise it just doesn't work. Because the people who are up front will be looked at as bitches and the passive aggressive ones are just going to hide in the corner saying the up front ones are mean. And the circle goes on and on and on.

And Tori Spelling has a pet goat? I'm not even sure what to say about that. Her goat is kinda cute though.

cakeologist said...

I gave up one my husband doing the home improvement projects so I just do them myself. I thought when I started painting things pink he might take over, but no...

I saw that picture of Tori and her goat in a magazine today shortly after I asked Rancher Mom to send me one of her new baby goats (she said no).

I love Savers. I always find great Ann Taylor stuff and 90% of my jeans are bought there.

Dana said...

I love your chocolate system.
Used underwear = Nasty!
Your (ex)friend needs to grow up! I have eliminated friends over the years that have acted immature and it's improved my life.
Nice convo with Olivia! Ha ha!

Ms. Ro Chelle said...

Your blogs make me laugh.

Jandy xx said...

oh god yes I so agree! why cant people just be grown ups! as you know, FB has caused me some happy times lately! all because people cant face the facts that they fucked up. and you know what, when you dont face up to it, you just look like more of a dick!

umm, that conversation with O, too funny!

i had to ask if i need special permission to send your package (ooh, how exciting does that sound?!) and i need a permit!! so once i suss out how to do that, you might just be in luck!!!

Oilfield Trash said...

Holy fuck. Wow. If Tori's crocked nose ass can have a goat so can you.

And the conversation with your daughter, wow. Are you sure she heard "Adult Time" or you on the fuckmill? Because it could have been either in reality.

Hang in there, life doesn't often give you weeks like this year round.

Anonymous said...

lmao lmao lmao...... loving the Olivia convo.

Chicken said...

Love the new layout of the blog. I'm probably way late on that news.

Funniest story ever about Olivia. Something tells me she heard all of those words during one of your "adult" sessions.

Unknown said...

Sorry you've had such a sucky two weeks!! Good to know I am not the only one dealing with other people's drama!
1stly - Who even thinks that donating underwear is a good idea? YUCK!
2ndly - If you get goats you have to get two, they're social animals and can die without a friend. But they poop constantly, I swear there is no end in the amount of crap that comes out of a goat, they're worse than a politician!!

kimberrleigh said...

Oh dear sweet Jesus. I know my children (if I ever get to that point...) will be exactly like Olivia. Bah.
Also, I saw this special on tv about these shops in Japan where all they do is buy used panties (complete with vajayjay juice and poo poo stains still on them) and sell them. And sell videos of girls taking them off and smelling them and all kinds of weird shit. It was fucked up. You're not allowed to film in them but these people snuck in a camera.

And I know it's not my husband, but my Dad REFUSES to do pretty much anything to our house. For some backwards ass reason he nailed up the falling gutters on our house this past weekend instead of replacing them, which he claims he'll do this summer. He also claims we'll get our driveway paved as well but cows will fly over the moon when that happens.
Everything in/on our house is original from the time my parents bought it/it was built (in 1960). Like everything, except the roof, carpet and wall paint. Doors, windows (you can see the breeze blowing on the curtains even if the window is shut), floors, bathroom, kitchen.. etc. Yeah. Awesome. Thanks parents, so when you're old and can't do anything I get the awesome task of completely redoing the house so it can MAYBE sell, unless I decided to live in it.

This was really long. Whoops.

middle child said...

OH! Um! Wow, that's alot to have on your plate! Love your blog and hope that it is relaxing for you, and that you don't consider it a chore. You are a true delight!

Asha said...

I love that convo with Olivia! LMAO! That was hysterical. You can't make up the shit kids say.

Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom

Anonymous said...

I have a horrible potty mouth and my son is always trying to come up with ways to use the words too...

"I'm just going to say a bad word but just as an example, okay Mommy?"

Uh, okay.

"I can't say shit but I can say shoot right? And dammit is bad but darn is okay?"

Right. *sigh*

Ang said...

Wow - it's really a good thing Olivia doesn't know the truth about why you were saying daddy's name over and over... that's too funny.

I agree people need to step up and say what's on their minds - some people just aren't like that though. For me, I don't really make a big deal out of shit - it's benefits me none to deal with drama - so when a bitch acts up, I cut her out, just like that. No passive aggressive behavior on my part - it's just not worth it. I do hate bitches though, and I use bitches as a general term here... I grew up in a big city, I've had my share of those moments. Moving on.

Shirley said...

I love that when you run away you are going to take all the office supplies with you!

Julie H said...

Wow, your week has been almost as awesome as mine!

1.) I think you should try to sell your house and get the fuck out. Although you could probably tell me the same thing lol.

2.) Seriously? I'm pretty sure a goat would shit all over the house. Gross. And they eat EVERYTHING. I'm pretty sure her goat must have it's own nanny. (no pun intended)

3.) Awesome chocolate system. Although I like mine better, I just hide it and eat it all myself. I currently have 5 boxes of girl scout cookies. At work.

4.) be happy they had toilet paper haha.

5.) I really hope those are new from Target or something. I know our Goodwill gets stuff from Target that was on clearance and didn't sell and then they mark it up to almost full price. It's awesome.

6.) Wow. I hate when I have friend problems. I don't have many friends though (looking around thinking maybe it IS ME!)haha

7.) I have one better on that convo with Olivia. My teenager texting me while we were having sex saying OMG I CAN HEAR YOU I'm RUINED FOR LIFE TURN ON A RADIO OR SOMETHING. That was pretty awesome.

8.) Pretty sure insulation is bad for kitties ;)