Friday, April 15, 2011

Dear Sara: Misconceptions or Motherhood?

Can you believe it's Friday already? I'm glad. I have a low key weekend planned but still... it's nice to be Friday.

Lots of questions this week, and I have a bit of a part two coming.. more on that when it happens. (That's my way of teasing your virtual nipple) But let's get to this week's questions:

1. Do you have a theme song? Um, no. OK, so that's not true. I have a lot of songs that I listen to that are "my song". But one that recently came to my attention by one of my favorite friends is a song called "Sarah Smiles" by Panic! At the Disco. I love it. I can't get enough of this cd (going to be in a top ten list of best albums this year for sure) or this song:

2. How do you read blogs? Do you use Google Reader? Do you group them? Well, I use Google Reader because it's built in and I'm essentially a pretty lazy person. I also read them in the order in which they come up. I don't always comment but please know I'm reading. I try so very hard to comment on as much as I possibly can. I do. I don't get to my blogs every night but I try to catch up. But certainly, if you have a post you really want me to read- email me a link and I'll jump to that one first. :)

3. What do you do when you're bored? I will either read, scrapbook, or watch True Blood. I have weird things that make me happy and one of those things? Reading dirty romance novels. So if all fails, I'll pull out one of my favorites, "All The Queen's Men" by Linda Howard. Um, yeah. That book makes me want a black ops agent as a boy toy. Mmmm...

4. What's your favorite pickup line? Truth- I don't know that many? Truth- I've never had one used on me. Which surprises even me because I usually have guys trying to pick me up when I go places but they've all been pretty upfront. Like, one guy was like, "I'm not interested in dating, but how do you feel about casual sex?" Well, ok then. I guess it's refreshing to have a person totally upfront and honest I suppose.

5. Have you ever had a pedicure? Yes, but only once. It's a splurge that I can't always justify. But I really loved it and I'd like to make it a regular thing if I could.

6. I'm a white girl and I'm thinking about getting extensions. If I do, will you laugh when I tell you about mah weave??? huh, Homie? First off- those look really fucking painful. I've seen enough America's Next Top Model to know that I couldn't do it. But if you get them, make sure your weave doesn't look like Britney Spears'. Because her hair looked jacked up and that's never ok. :)

7. Does your husband have a "routine' the does when he wants to have sex? Maybe it's the "we've been married almost 18 years thing" but sex is no longer spontaneous around here. I can now tell when my husband is "in the mood" when he shaves and spends more than 3 minutes in the shower. How sad is that? Part of me wants to just go run and hide when he does this. Like him being in the mood (after not really even talking to me for days) should automatically get me turned on and ready to give it up. Do you think this is messed up? What would you do? I'll start by telling you I have been married to Matt going on 7 years in June. I know that when he shaves it means he wants to have sex. This is something I learned during the second week we were dating. I don't know if sex is ever truly spontaneous. Most people try to "prep" before they have sex and that's either shaving your legs, your lady bits, showering, putting on sexy underwear, whatever. So one hand- points that he's still shaving and showering for you, right? But the problem doesn't sound so much that he's doing these things, but more that you don't really want to have sex. I'm a big believer with being upfront and open about sex. Sex is a big deal in any relationship because if it's not working there, it's not working in other areas. And vice versa. If you really don't like your partner- you aren't having good sex and everyone should be.

So here's what you have to do. You have to figure out what the issue is. It's not the sex, it sounds more like communication. If he isn't talking to you for days- that's a problem. Guys aren't very communicative as it is and women are. So you need to sit him down and tell him that you need him to talk to you more. To act like he loves you and looks forward to seeing you. Tell him you are not a sex toy, you are not a blow up doll. Let him know that what is happening (or not) right now isn't working for you. It's hard work to be honest and open but you have to otherwise it'll all go to hell and you'll be faking headaches or your period. And let's face it- you can't fake a period forever. :)

BUT you also need to ask him if there is something that you can be doing better. And make a compromise. I don't think there is anything wrong with scheduled sex. In fact, that can be hot. Knowing all week that Saturday is sex night is awesome. You have the entire week to look forward to it, to make it a game. If you don't work at a relationship it falls apart. It's hard work to keep it alive and to keep both people interested and attracted to each other.

And finally....


Jenner said...

It's always nice to know that others are reading our blogs. :) And I'd like to think that I have a theme song. I wish life did have a soundtrack. That'd be damn cool.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

You know Sara I tell my daughters all the time that I think they are great mothers and doing a good job and it is good to know that someone other then me thinks that is a good thing to do.

I have no doubt that you are an amazing mother. You give great advice that is a lot common sense.

Ixy said...

I'm impressed by the casual sex guy - huge points for honesty!

Run DMT said...

"Confidence and self esteem don't have a lot of things that rhyme with them." LOL So true! Would you confidence in box with a fox or in a house with a mouse? Would you like self-esteem here or there?

Funny stuff here! Visiting from LBS! Have a great weekend! :-)

Take All Chances - Missy said...

Oh I love True Blood so much!!!!! I have one sky + ready to watch but I've been so busy!! Can't wait now I'm on a break :-)

Just stipping by from FTLOB!

Robin said...

Hey! Stopping by from LBS tea party! I think I might love you! Following now! Come see me Boo!

Oilfield Trash said...

You do such a great job with the Q&A posts.

Carrie-Anne said...

Stopped in from LBS and so glad I did! You have great energy and a very fun blog! Happy Tea Party Saturday! :)
~Carrie-Anne @

Carrie-Anne said...

Stopping by from LBS. You have great energy and a very fun blog! Happy Tea Party Saturday! ~Carrie-Anne

Julie H said...

What kind of camera do you use for your vlog?

My friend at work gets that social anxiety. She was making a bunch of reasons why she couldn't go somewhere on Saturday. All of which sounded good until I was thinking, HEY! You're just making a bunch of excuses! Suck it up and go have fun!!

G said...

Cool questions and some great answers...does anyone really use chat up lines any more? said...

You are a girl after my own heart.
You are brilliat & HILAREOUS & A GOOD MOM!!!
Popping in from Lady Blogger.
I looooooooooooove this blog.


The Reason You Come said...

I'm also impressed by the casual sex guy. I've been similarly propositioned once, felt insulted, but now realize I should have been flattered. Heh.

Here from Lady Bloggers. I like the way you write!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm reconsidering the extensions thing. I'm broke and in a month- I'll likely still be broke and trying to save money, so I'm going with no extensions.

Whoohoo for questions! And I have anxiety too, but we've totally talked about that before!