Friday, September 9, 2011

Dear Sara: Quick and Dirty

I am going to do a really quick and dirty Dear Sara this week because *holy fucking balls* I have a lot of work to do between tonight and tomorrow morning for Olivia's birthday party tomorrow afternoon. Remember when I thought it would be a super good idea to go to a concert in the middle of the week and then it made me all worn out the next day and yay-- that means I did nothing? Yah. That only comes back to bite you in the ass and not in a good way, lambwhores.

So it's quick and dirty. Which, funny enough, I got some questions that are kind of dirty themselves. Bonus.

1. What is normal? I know that's a broad question so let me be more specific. I've spent a lot of time thinking about things with Douchebag and how that ended a year ago this week and how I've went on a few dates/met a few guys, but overall just haven't done much since him. This got me thinking..... A lot of dating bloggers out there make it seem like if you're not dating at least every few months- you're a loser. And then they make an even bigger deal about how much sex you're having or shall I say not having. So what do you see as a normal amount of sex whether single or attached? Also a good guy friend of mine admitted to me tonight he hasn't so much as made out with anyone since breaking things off with his ex 2 years ago. Is there any normal to kissing? I feel like the world wants us all to be whores, but really there's a lot that goes behind why we do or don't do things when it comes to dating, sex and making out. Thoughts? You know what? I don't know what is normal either. I feel like if I were single, I'd probably be trying to at least make out regularly with guys who are most definitely not having a herpes outbreak on their face. As for sex? I really don't understand the point of having casual sex. The first time is never super awesome with a new person so to sleep around is like having a bunch of first time sex with a stranger. I mean, it never gets really good, does it? So I would rather have quality of quantity myself. But I suppose in the terms of dating... I guess everyone really is different. Some people go in with expectations and some don't, but some people also need that decompression time in between to absorb the pros/cons of the previous experiences so you aren't on the repeat cycle with losers. Bottom line? I think a potential partner (in any capacity) has to earn the kiss or a romp in the sheets and if you give it away it's meaningless and doesn't mean anything. Plus? Eventually most people settle down and do you really want to tell your future husband/wife that you were a really huge slut and look! You come with a wide variety of STD's and which would would he/she like? Ew.

2. How did you get to the point where you feel comfortable enough to talk about sex so openly? Because when my friends start talking about it I feel like the floor could swallow me right now and if my boyfriend asks me to try things I feel like I'm so bad that he has to try to fix it. It's kind of a problem. I guess I don't know why I feel comfortable? When I was growing up my parents were always very open to talking about anything and answering questions. They made sure I never went into anything unsure and you better believe I knew all about birth control, condoms, diseases, pregnancy, etc by the time I had my first boyfriend. My parents never wanted to know if I was using my said knowledge, but they wanted to know I knew it and hoped for the best. So basically- I was raised to not be ashamed of it and if you ARE ashamed of it or embarrassed that you probably weren't mature enough to be acting on those things. With that said, everyone has a comfort level. And I don't think you have to be talking about any of that in public if you aren't comfortable. Just smile and look engaged but it doesn't mean you have to contribute. With your bf giving you tips? He's probably enjoying it as much as you but every relationship needs something new once in awhile. If he's asking you to do something you aren't comfortable doing- be honest and say that. Otherwise, I say try it once. Maybe you'll end up liking it and if you don't, let him know. (BTW- he would probably like it if you told him what you like/don't like because guys are sometimes clueless.)

3. What age do you think it's appropriate to talk to your daughter about birth control and sex? My daughter asked me about it and she's 12. I pretty much panicked. Honestly? As soon as she gets her period. If Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant have taught us nothing else, it has told us that parents are doing a major disservice by being prudes. I got my sex talk in the 6th grade. Then when I got my period in 7th grade I had the birth control talk and my parents drilled into me that I can get pregnant if I have sex no matter how safe I think I am being. I could always be that 1% where something fails. But birth control is different. I think it's important to have a good enough relationship with your daughter to have an idea of whether she has a boyfriend or not. If she's starting to have boyfriends, put her on birth control. You may be religious or hope she waits till marriage... but be real. There is a good chance that won't happen. I would rather pay for birth control than a baby. And if she does wait until marriage? Well good for her. But part of parenting is giving your children the tools to make good decisions but also be able to give them fall backs. I was on birth control when I was 17 and my mom did it the day I told her I had a boyfriend. Just in case. She didn't want to know, but she said she also didn't want grandbabies yet either.
OK. That's it for this week. If you have a burning question for next week, email me at sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.


Ruth said...

Great answers.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

As usual some great advice I think some people just find the topic of sex embarressing and others have no such problem and you are one of those and that is a good thing.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

My parents were so embarrassed by the idea of talking about sex with their kids that they never did. They left books around in our rooms instead & I suppose prayed we wouldn't have any questions about what we read. Worked fine for me but there was a brief scare when some girl by brother slept with in high school claimed the baby was his but later recanted, after getting him in a world of trouble. DNA later proved it wasn't his.
I guess he skipped the chapter on condoms.