Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Boo at the Zoo- Use the buddy system.

Halloween isn't one of my most anticipated holidays of the year. I think the only one that I look forward to is Christmas only because that gives me permission to decorate the house in a gross amount of decor that is only acceptable then. Halloween is just meh for me. But I celebrate it by spending a disgusting amount of money on costumes that these kids only wear for a short time and hoards of candy. I buy it early to get a good selection and of course I rip the bag open because I have absolutely no self control, and then eat it all. Then I have to go back the night before and get the shit that nobody wants and I get mad when I have left over candy because *dammit* I have to eat it. I can't just throw perfectly gross candy away. No. I have to eat it because you aren't supposed to waste food when you have starving people in Africa. (Even though I don't feel sorry for them because they could be killing animals and shit but no. They wait for good Americans to donate money. Lazy bastards.)

Anyways. Where were we?

Oh. So I get the kids their costumes and every single fucking year they agree to something. They freaking pick the damn thing out and every single fucking year, they complain when they have to wear it. Every year, peeps. This year I was on a budget. Mama ain't spending more than $20 on a god damn costume, and even that was pushing it. Jackson absolutely HAD to be Thomas the Train. Nothing else would do, not even the super cute robot costume for $10 online with free shipping. NOOOO... he wanted to be Thomas. Olivia wanted to be a witch that looked more stripper than witch and I said no, so we settled on her being a sailor girl, which she loved when she realized it would mean she would get to wear the hat and some new tights.

(Side note: We live in northern Wisconsin and it is typically in the 50's on Halloween at best. It's freezing, folks. Why haven't costume makers done anything about it? Why are they giving us skimpy outfits for fucking toddlers when they know those kids will freeze to death. The fun of Halloween is significantly dampened when nobody sees your costume under winter clothing.)

Anyways. Fast forward to Saturday. Boo at the Zoo- the one Halloween even we have done every single year with our kids. It's fun, it's trick or treating, it's seeing animals, it means free kids meal coupons at some restaurants, it's another excuse to use expensive costumes. It's a win all around. This year I would have to go it alone since Matt hates people and decided he was going to work. I figured I got this shit handled because my kids are awesome! My kids can follow directions! All will be awesome.

It started in the morning and we get the costumes on. Jackson declares several times during his 30 minute temper tantrum that he hates his costume, he looks stupid and he feels stupid. Olivia is not happy that she can't wear any more makeup than she is. I loaded her up yet she isn't happy. She's also mad she has to wear her white dress shoes that have hearts on them instead of the blue flats the girl in the picture wore and asked me several times why we can't stop and get her new shoes. The morning unhappiness is evident in the picture I tried to snap.

 Don't they look absolutely thrilled.

So we get into the van and get to the zoo. Once we got there and Jackson realized that every other kid had to dress up he felt kind of better. But once someone said, "Look! It's Thomas the Train!" he looked at me with such hate. He was really not happy.

But we get into the zoo and walk around. What I didn't fully take in was how hard it is to get a three year old to hold your hand constantly for two hours. I'm one of those paranoid parents that fears someone will snatch my kids. I am apparently the only one with that fear as every other parent let their kid run buck wild around the zoo while they chatted on their phones.
 We came across the hay ride and Olivia really wanted to go on it. Jackson.. not so much. I had to give him a candy ultimatum to get on the god damn hay ride or else. Thankfully, he got on the hay ride so I wouldn't have to go crazy mom on him at the zoo.
 The not so fun thing about the hay ride is that I had to basically hold both kids on the trailer since we were at the very front and it tipped down and we were going downhill for awhile. So my leg muscles got a bit of a work out. At one point we rode past the wolves and a bunch of kids started howling like a wolf... but one kid next to us started barking. Jackson, in a splendid mood, snaps at him, "It's not a DOG!" and I could just tell he wanted to add "you stupid idiot" on the end of that but didn't. Jackson takes after his father's anti social tendencies.
After walking around the zoo for two hours we decided to call it quit. Both kids were hungry, tired, and we were getting warm since it hit 85 degrees out of nowhere. We were kind of over dressed but hey- you can never tell with Halloween here. But we left, got some lunch, took off the costumes and chilled out at home the rest of the afternoon. 

Matt seemed pretty damn impressed that I took both kids by myself. Only a parent rock star can do that and come home with both kids. I will say though, we only had a couple of challenging moments in the zoo and I was braced for more. I definitely felt high anxiety keeping track of both kids when it was so crowded. I'm just really hyper vigilante about that kind of thing and it irritates me when other parents take safety for granted and just assume their kid will be fine. I also get annoyed when you have parents texting or talking to people on their phones. Put that shit away- you're supposed to be hanging out with your kids.

Anyways. I did it. But you better believe Matt is on his own for trick or treating.


Shirley said...

I am not a fan of Halloween. Lucky for me the boys both want to be vampires which = cheap.

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Unknown said...

I love Boo at the Zoo. Although I don't have kids of my own and just volunteer there so it's a very different experience (and I assume different zoos too), but I love it.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I don't know that either of my boys could have refrained from adding "you stupid idiot", they seem to get less polite the more I remind them.
I'm taking mine to the Apple Harvest this weekend, where they will run around a hay maze & hay playground for hours while I sit & read my kindle. The nice thing about the kiddy hay area is that there is a high fence around it with only one opening so I only have to watch the opening rather than try to track two kids running in opposite directions around huge piles of hay.

Paige said...

i hate how having a job keeps me away from your blog some days...

Ruth said...

I was always paranoid about mine getting away. Getting kids to hold hands can be tricky. I finally resorted to getting a tot-a-long. The one thing I said I would never do. She hated it, but when she let go of my hand she was still attached.

Anonymous said...

Dang gurl, if I lived closer, I would've come up and been your buddy and watched the kids with ya :) Next year ;)

They were cute though!

Dana said...

Your kids look really cute in their costumes and big props to you for being the single parent of the day! :)