Saturday, October 15, 2011

Dear Sara: the sore and tired episode.

Before I get into Dear Sara, I want to give you my very sad ass excuse for a vlog.... but it announces the winners of the two book giveaways I had going on, Bonding Over Beauty and Little Goblins Ten.

Let's say "huzzah" to the winnners!

Now, like I said in my vlog- I am so sorry if you've emailed me a question for Dear Sara. I promise you they are there and I will get to them. My email is seriously backed up and out of control and they are buried. I do have one question that came through and it's towards the top so I'll answer that one so you have at least some kind of post tonight.

1. What do you do when your spouse is being ill-tempered/short fused? We're dealing with a lot of stress and he's just been itching to just be in a bad mood with me lately. He's actively choosing to be pissed off. He even gets irritated that I'm a generally optimistic person. I swear it's the whole misery loves company mindset.

For example, tonight we drove by his office to pick up a headset he's letting me borrow for a job. I tell him very calmly "Um I don't think this one is the right one." and he instantly goes to a defensive place and says "WHAT Do you mean it's not the right one?"

I calmly told him to check his tone, and speak to me calmly. Then I explained that I told him I needed (X) and he said he had (X), but we'd try to make it work. He then gets up in a huff and starts stalking around the office to another room, going through stuff. just generally being unpleasant. When he comes back to the office, I tell him we should just get home because I have to be up at 5 am. Lately, it just seems like nothing I say or do is good enough or okay. I get that our financial situation sucks but it's getting better, his parents separated and got back together last week, plus he's stretched thin with work and school. Most of the last part is his own fault. He's shoving his bad attitude to everyone at work and is just letting it all seep over to school. I get that I'm his wife and I catch a good portion of his attitude. I normally just take it b/c honestly, he isn't like this often. He truly is the best husband 99% of the time. I'm just to the point of pulling my hair out or hurting his feelings. Which I don't want to do. It's just bound to happen. any words of wisdom are welcomed.

Well since you know that this is mostly just stress getting to him, you've got it easy. First off, you need to sit him down with no interruptions. No TV, no pets, no phones, nothing. Just sit him down and say, "I see that you have been incredibly harried and stressed lately. I know I'm the closest to you so it's easy to take it out on me because I'm here, but it's starting to make me feel helpless. What can I do to lessen the load for you?" And just let him talk. He's a guy and he might not feel like he can just come to you and ask you to do something, but if you offer or come up with ideas, then maybe that will help.

But I agree with you- it very much sounds like a "misery loves company" mindset and do not let that get you down. Please don't let anyone bring you down. And if in your conversation you feel like it's going nowhere- feel free to throw the smack down and just say, "I get that you are stressed and that things are hard right now. I'm right there with you. But at some point, we have to work together to turn this around. And when you feel like doing that, let me know." And let him stew. I have to take this tactic with Matt a lot because he is very stubborn. Eventually (sometimes 20 minutes, sometimes 2 days) Matt comes to me and apologizes and we figure out a plan. And then he feels better. I don't know why after almost ten years together he can't just jump on board with my ideas, but there you go. That's best to use as a last ditch tactic, though. :)

So like I said in my vlog, I have no Domestic Bitch Saturday post for you. I have things I'm going to comment on later this week, but expect a good post next wee. Wanna learn how to make an ice cream cake like at Dairy Queen? Well this bitch can do it (thank you, almost two years of employment at DQ) and I'm going to show you how.

But for next week... if you have a question for me (about me, about you, about a situation... whatever)- send it to me! sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com and please put "Dear Sara" in the subject line so I can find it fast. Thanks lovely lambwhores!


Julie H said...

Hope you feel better soon. Trying to watch that video you linked me to on Facebook but my computer is painfully slow loading it.

Shirley said...

Yay! I am excited to read that book to my boys. You are a rockstar for finishing your 2nd 5k! Feel better.